Randomuser546 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Okay so I've never fully been over this girl for many years now. We ended on a horrible note, she picked some asshat over me and it left me in a terrible place. Now it's nearing her time limit for her usual relationships to end... And sure enough her and I start talking again. Her current asshat is depressed and doesn't want her to deal with him if she doesn't want to. Basically trying to cop out of a break up. Now her and I have been hanging out and things got a bit intimate, I was always good at taking care of her needs. But that's as far as it goes. There were exchanges of naughty pics but she doesn't want to cheat on her bf... but already has... I really want to get back with this girl... What do I do???? Link to comment
Usa1ah Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 Um, why would you want to get back with her seeing how she ended your relationship? Do you enjoy being used as a doormat? I really believe you are making a big mistake. Link to comment
Randomuser546 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 Um, why would you want to get back with her seeing how she ended your relationship? Do you enjoy being used as a doormat? I really believe you are making a big mistake. I've had a thing for her for so long, when we were together it was awesome, I don't know a part of me does think you're right and I shouldn't bother, but it really sucks when you can't help the way you feel about someone. Link to comment
shessofly Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I've had a thing for her for so long, when we were together it was awesome, I don't know a part of me does think you're right and I shouldn't bother, but it really sucks when you can't help the way you feel about someone. You can attempt to help it by not allowing yourself to be used as the fall back guy ;) Link to comment
Quiersoldier7 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 She’s using you as an emotional doormat and will keep doing it every time she breaks up with her next bf for as long as you allow. This is a common technique used by people who are afraid to be alone. I say block her and move forward with your life. Find a girl who actually wants you and isn’t gonna use you. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 You don't want to be with someone who dumps you for someone else. Now fast fwd, she still continues to use people and is cheating on her current boyfriend - with you. You do get that she has some serious integrity issues, don't you? You do understand that when you get involved with someone who lacks integrity and character like this, the likelihood of you getting burned (again) is very high, right? Lastly. . if I heartlessly dump you and you continue to allow me to use you as side entertainment, I will lose respect for you. You are no longer relationship material to me, but instead someone to boost my ego while simultaneously pulling a slow dump on my current bf - All the while I am actively searching for his replacement. I'm sorry. Please don't do this to yourself. . . Link to comment
Randomuser546 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 So I guess she'll just never learn that instead of using me as the fall back and safetynet guy that I should be the one she actually wants?? I don't understand that at all... This is only the 5th or 6th relationship I've been 100% right about again... And technically only the second time I've been sort of used... I've tried getting over her, it really doesn't work, part of me wants to be there for her, but another part just wants to her over and tell her BF everything that's happened so far... But like I've said I kinda do really want to be with this girl... it's complicated! Thanks so far for the responses people! It really helps to talk about this ! Link to comment
Randomuser546 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 I've been so low, and lost all confidence I used to have, I've not been the same person since she picked someone else over me. I don't think I'll ever get that back or even care about myself anymore... So yeah I'm probably going to do this to myself... I don't know what else to do. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I've been so low, and lost all confidence I used to have, I've not been the same person since she picked someone else over me. I don't think I'll ever get that back or even care about myself anymore... So yeah I'm probably going to do this to myself... I don't know what else to do. many years? I am sorry. That must be really discouraging. Maybe time to get some professional help. . after you block all contact from her. This isn't even about her anymore and she isn't going to make it better. Link to comment
Yazmine245 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 How long have you been holding out for this girl OP? Link to comment
Randomuser546 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 How long have you been holding out for this girl OP? Nearing 4 years since I was last with her. Link to comment
Yazmine245 Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 I don't wanna send false hope or set u up but I thought I'd give you another perspective. I really can relate to your situation except I was the girl in the story. It's such a long story but a small snippet of it - I had a horrible argument with my guy that led us to no contact for approx 3 years. He got into a serious relationship with another girl and I did my thing. We started talking again as friends somehow and the fact that he was in a relationship made me feel safe that we weren't going to revisit our past. I should've known that he still cared for me but honestly I didn't wanna see that. I wasn't open to hearing him. So we floated on the surface of friendship yet he harboured feelings. That argument took place 9 years ago now. Are u dating? You haven't mentioned loving her Link to comment
Randomuser546 Posted February 20, 2018 Author Share Posted February 20, 2018 I don't wanna send false hope or set u up but I thought I'd give you another perspective. I really can relate to your situation except I was the girl in the story. It's such a long story but a small snippet of it - I had a horrible argument with my guy that led us to no contact for approx 3 years. He got into a serious relationship with another girl and I did my thing. We started talking again as friends somehow and the fact that he was in a relationship made me feel safe that we weren't going to revisit our past. I should've known that he still cared for me but honestly I didn't wanna see that. I wasn't open to hearing him. So we floated on the surface of friendship yet he harboured feelings. That argument took place 9 years ago now. Are u dating? You haven't mentioned loving her I've been dating and I just didn't feel it with any of those relationships... unfortunately I do believe I love her... I'm stupid for thinking it but I've always had a crush on her since middle school... finally got with her in college years... And now waiting again... Link to comment
Yazmine245 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Mine loved me too. And even today I look back and think he was an idiot lol Because no matter how hard he tried to move on, deep down he was waiting too. I'm in awe of his patience and conviction to know how u felt and what he felt was truth for him. Cuz I didn't want us to repeat the painful cycle we had and had accepted we were terrible together yet so drawn to one another - he must have been meant to be my friend for life. He wasn't feeling Bff' s lol but I still tried. Anyways, here's my advice from the other side. No matter how you feel about loving her, you need to love yourself first. You can hold space and still take care of you. Healthy habits gives you focus. Can you do this while u both get your ish together ? Link to comment
Randomuser546 Posted February 21, 2018 Author Share Posted February 21, 2018 Probably not I've lost love for myself. Link to comment
Yazmine245 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Probably not I've lost love for myself. You won't find it with her.. Link to comment
Yazmine245 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 You won't find it with her.. in saying that..my guy and I helped heal each other's hurt. it took a lot of work tho.. Link to comment
Randomuser546 Posted February 21, 2018 Author Share Posted February 21, 2018 That's the thing though everybody's different you can only compare so much what works for someone else might not work for you so there's no real way to tell what's going to work Link to comment
Yazmine245 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 That's the thing though everybody's different you can only compare so much what works for someone else might not work for you so there's no real way to tell what's going to work You can dance around it as much as you like but loving yourself is an inside job. Looking for it in a relationship is the long detour. But I also know we only hear what we want to, and in our own time. I hope you start feeling better. Link to comment
Randomuser546 Posted February 21, 2018 Author Share Posted February 21, 2018 You can dance around it as much as you like but loving yourself is an inside job. Looking for it in a relationship is the long detour. But I also know we only hear what we want to, and in our own time. I hope you start feeling better. Thanks, time will tell. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Make sure you're not asshat #2.Her current asshat is depressed and doesn't want her to deal with him if she doesn't want to. Now her and I have been hanging out and things got a bit intimate Link to comment
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