He can't get it up with me, says he has a low sex drive but watches porn ever 2 to 3 days

[Ozobsessed]

I think the title says it all! He can't get it up with me, says he has a low sex drive but watches porn ever 2 to 3 days! I love him in every way and we are very cuddly and affectionate in place of not having sex often (once even 2 months if I'm lucky). We've been dealing with this for 7 years now, although at first I didn't realise he was watching porn so frequently. (I'm fan of porn myself, no issue with it in moderation) I am also all about communication and gently gently. Always patient and open to try anything to help with the erectile dysfunction issue. Dress up, role play, watching porn together, being kinky, being submissive, praising him on how hot he is, how big he is etc etc etc - my patience is down to a fine thread, very sexually frustrated and then i find out by looking at his history on his ipad that he is obviously jerking off every 2 days or so.

 

Its been a long road of feeling dejected, unattractive and low self esteem. I know I'm good looking with a slim sexy body but with this lack of sex in our lives - I can't help but feel unwanted and ugly. So many tears and conversations and he says he loves me and finds me attractive and feels bad and even went to the doctor for blood tests - think its pretty obvious he is in self denial about the effects porn is having on his penis. Really don't know what to do anymore. As I said, I only found out about the excessive porn recently - so burst with anger as I have been so attentive and patient for so long and he clearly isn't even trying to fix this - instead he defaults to porn!!! He struggles to cum when we have sex and we can only do it in one position that seems to help him. He blames it on being circumcised, or low sex drive, or feeling too full, or feeling hungry, or feeling tired, too much alcohol, too little alcohol, or feeling stressed at work, or needing to go to the toilet, or that condoms make him numb or.... the list goes on and on and on! I'm so confused - the rest of our lives are perfect and very loving and affectionate - but in this one place I feel like I'm breaking down. What should I do. How much porn watching is appropriate or too much? Why with all our communication I still feel like he is hiding things from me? Am I really this ignorant/naive ?

 

Really don't want to lose him but I'm now thinking he isn't actually inlove with me like he says he is and is too coward to initiate a break up!!!

[j.man]

Watching porn every 2 to 3 days isn't going to break a penis. We could all try to dig deep to analyze it, but fact is you admit this has been the case for 7 years. Are you wrong to want sex more than once every month or two? Certainly not. I know I'd suffer miserably in such conditions. But... I also wouldn't be dealing with it for 7 years and having any illusions of it changing. This guy-- for whatever reason-- simply doesn't have a drive to bump uglies, which frankly, for as much as I cannot possibly relate to it, is well within his right.

 

I'm not sure it's some grand scheme to passively break up with you as it taking seven years would indicate it's a pretty failed strategy, but perhaps you should take that initiative upon yourself it this is a deal breaker for you.

[lostandhurt]

He has used porn to get off for so long he has trained himself to need the fake fantasy and fake women to excite him and get him off.

 

There is no way you can compete with fantasy.

 

Everything else he says is total BS.

 

This has gone on so long with no improvement you need to be prepared to either leave him or give him an ultimatum. Right now he gets everything he needs. You as the real life women for everything except sex because he has porn for that anytime he wants.

 

I am sorry, if you want this to change you need to be willing to risk it all. Everything you have done hasn't worked because he doesn't want to change.

 

Lost

[Wiseman2]

How old is he? Has he been to a doctor and gotten a work-up and referral to a psychologist? If he refuses to get a physical and some help, it's time to end it.

 

As you know, ED is not about any of this and all this won't do a thing:

Dress up, role play, watching porn together, being kinky, being submissive, praising him on how hot he is, how big he is etc etc etc

[Whatsupdoc]

I think the title says it all! He can't get it up with me, says he has a low sex drive but watches porn ever 2 to 3 days! I love him in every way and we are very cuddly and affectionate in place of not having sex often (once even 2 months if I'm lucky). We've been dealing with this for 7 years now, although at first I didn't realise he was watching porn so frequently. (I'm fan of porn myself, no issue with it in moderation) I am also all about communication and gently gently. Always patient and open to try anything to help with the erectile dysfunction issue. Dress up, role play, watching porn together, being kinky, being submissive, praising him on how hot he is, how big he is etc etc etc - my patience is down to a fine thread, very sexually frustrated and then i find out by looking at his history on his ipad that he is obviously jerking off every 2 days or so.:

 

It's pretty clear that Porn has become his substitute for sex. He doesn't have a low sex drive - he's just satisfying it with porn. It's not emotionally healthy.

Tell him that if he really does have a low sex drive that he should spend what he has on you instead of on porn - and see how he reacts. Realistically he may have a porn addition problem. If he can admit that to himself and to you and then try to do something about it the relationship can be salvaged. If he's in denial, you may have to just cut your losses and leave if he's more in love with his porn than he is with you.