I'm scared of my parents

[shampain]

Hi there, I'm a 19 year old girl from Canada who has been in a long distance relationship for well over a year now. We met after many months of knowing each other and have been inseparable since. He applied for University close to where I am and we meet and hang out at least once a week. There is no issue with our love or us being together. Its my parents..

 

This story goes back to last July. Me and my boyfriend had been dating for 7 months and often used my fathers laptop to skype and video call. Like the idiot I am, I left skype open on HIS laptop with me and my bf's chat. Some of it was cute, some of it raunchy, but for the most part it was just a normal conversation between two people that miss each other. I left the chat open forgetting that later that day my dad would be using it for business. I went out to dinner with my coworkers and completely forgot about the laptop. I got home and to stay sh*t hit the fan would be an understatement. My mom met me at the door and immediately confronted me about the texts. Since 40% of it was flirty and implied certain things (which was not true it was purely banter) my mom assumed I had been sending him nudes and video calling him naked. She voiced how disappointed she was in me and basically said my dad will now have a hard time looking or talking to me (which was true, me and him didn't speak for at least a week). This confrontation literally broke my heart. I've always held things heavily on my shoulders and to know my parents thought of me that way really truly upset me. But the thing is....... at the time of that confrontation, I had been 18 for nearly a year. A legal adult. After my parents found out they took away my phone and laptop for a week and told me I need to stop talking to this guy. I understand partially, because I am under their roof, but at the same time, its not like I am a 12 year old child, I am legally an adult and have done nothing wrong. I could have explained he is my boyfriend and not some random pervert on the internet but I knew my mom wouldn't listen. She barely uses the internet so as you can imagine there is a huge gap between me and her when it comes to this. I barely feel the urge to tell my parents anything in my life anymore simply because I'm scared of their reaction and by not sharing anything, I avoid their disapproval. I've met my boyfriend dozens and dozens of times since that confrontation with my mom (we first met in real life that september) and I've always just told my parents I'm out with my old best friend. I want to tell them I have a boyfriend but I fear there reaction so much... They are very cautious and traditional people and long distance relationships might boggle their minds. I respect them as people and I don't want them to think lowly of me. I need some advice on how I should approach my mom with the subject. Should I tell her I met a boy from school? Should I tell her we have just started dating? Or should I come clean and tell her everything?

 

 

Thank you so much for reading,

 

Holly

[DanZee]

Well, you are still their "little girl" and parents really don't want to think their daughter is having sex and engaging in sexting. I would normally say you should introduce your boyfriend to your parents, but the first question out of their mouths will be, "is this the boy you were sexting with?" and then be followed by, "are you having sex with him?" And then the next thing would either be to break up or get out of the house. I think you should probably keep him under the radar for a while longer.

 

How serious are you with this guy? How serious is he with you? Most relationships at age 19 are destined to break up and just be a learning experience. I would probably say to just see what happens in the future before bringing him home.

[Wiseman2]

The more you lie, the less they'll trust you.

[Betterwithout]

You have the media to thank for this one. All you hear on the news is how teenagers are getting involved with sexting and pedophiles running all over the internet.

 

A relationship between child and parent needs to be trust. They love you very much so they are showing concern and want you to make moral decisions no matter how old you are.

They are still in transition phase of you becoming an adult, and their child "under their roof".

 

If they are traditional, maybe they need to meet this boy. How about letting them know that you have a boy from school you are getting to know. And inviting him in your doorway, so your parents can meet him (not for a dinner..cue "Meet the Parents" film)but just a 2 minute introduction before you go out somewhere. It's really difficult for Dad's to see suggestive texts between your friend and yourself.

Deception and sneaking around will further compound the problem. Have you had any history of parental rebellion in the past?

Either way, you need to gain their trust and let them know that you are growing up and capable of making choices. At the same time, you are comfortable in a quick intro to him as well.