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Last July 2016 I was engaged to my fiancé and one month before wedding I lost my temper while at premarital counseling because the counselor insisted that it was not too late to postpone the wedding to sort our issues. I got drunk later that day and came home and yelled at my fiancé and she left crying. Needless to say despite all of my apologies and reassurances one week before wedding we cancelled it.


My fiancé insisted it was a postponement but she never an effort for a future date. I made her move out because she was not paying rent (a source of my stress b4 wedding).


So fast forward to today. This has been so incredibly painful and I wish I had not stayed in touch with her. I tried to have a conversation with her where we could try to work things out but she kept avoiding that. She would ignore my phone calls and put a lot of distance between us.


Last month Dec 11 i bought her a bday gift but she didnt let me drop it off and didnt come to pick it up. I wrote her a text saying I was sorry that things ended acrimoniously essentially a goodbye. She called and I cant even remember what we talked about. She sent me a whatsapp message wishing me a merry xmas and that is the last I have heard from her and I have not contacted her.


It is hard because I think about her all of the time and worry about her. I took care of her and it is hard to let go of the feeling of “saving” or “giving her a better life”


I am dating other women but its hard because I am depressed and confused in general about life. I am taking meds and seeing a therapist, but this is all very overwhelming. It is hard to go from such an intense relationship to nothing. My family is there for me and supportive - and I recognize that a lot of my feelings are irrational, but I obsessively think about her and the relationship ALL OF THE TIME

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Sorry for your pain. You should consider staying NC, as it sounds like you've been spinning your wheels for the past year or so. I also think it would be a good idea to postpone dating until you are in a healthier place. Keep your therapy sessions and focus on you for awhile. Did you have a question, or are you just looking to vent?

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Maybe when you had her move out that crushed her emotionally?

If this bothers you this bad....why not text her and ask if you can speak to her. Telling her your breakup is bothering you and you want to clear the air with her.

If she still has feelings for you ....you would think she would want to clear the air with you too.

I know the emotional stress and hurt you are feeling. It comes with the breakup. If you did not care for her....hey this would not bother you.

Do what is best for you to get some healing. Hope this helps. Wish I had some advice for myself to follow. lol

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