Reyhoney Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 My ex is giving me all kinds of mixed signals. My gut is telling me he’s testing me and wants me to chase him to see if I’m worth it. (Cause he’s so freaking scared.) Do guys do that? I’ve never experienced anything like that. Can someone explain if that’s even possible or common with men? I’m showing him zero reaction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 You posted this four days ago: "I’ve moved on cause I’ve realized the relationship failed. I’ve no desire to reconcile romantically. I haven’t forgotten why it failed" What has changed in the past four days that you now are considering "chasing" him? And I don't know that it's your "gut" telling you he wants you to chase him. That is more likely what you hope is happening. But why would you want a guy who "tests" you and is trying to get you to "chase" him? How about holding out for a guy who doesn't play games? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyhoney Posted January 24, 2018 Author Share Posted January 24, 2018 You posted this four days ago: "I’ve moved on cause I’ve realized the relationship failed. I’ve no desire to reconcile romantically. I haven’t forgotten why it failed" What has changed in the past four days that you now are considering "chasing" him? And I don't know that it's your "gut" telling you he wants you to chase him. That is more likely what you hope is happening. But why would you want a guy who "tests" you and is trying to get you to "chase" him? How about holding out for a guy who doesn't play games? Where did I hint that I’m chasing him or want to? Read my post again. If anything, I’m so put off. I didn’t expect petty games from someone his age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 Sorry to hear this but he shouldn't be giving you Any signals because he should be blocked and deleted from all messaging and social media.My ex is giving me all kinds of mixed signals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyhoney Posted January 24, 2018 Author Share Posted January 24, 2018 Sorry to hear this but he shouldn't be giving you Any signals because he should be blocked and deleted from all messaging and social media. Thing is we were long time friends from before. Things didn’t end ugly, but I feel like he’s so hurt to know I’ve moved on and he’s trying to strike me. I never blocked him cause I didn’t think it’s needed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 Where did I hint that I’m chasing him or want to? Read my post again. If anything, I’m so put off. I didn’t expect petty games from someone his age. Then it doesn't matter why he does this or if it is "common" for some men. You see through it and are not responding. End of story. Is this the guy you said you wanted to stay good friends with? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyhoney Posted January 24, 2018 Author Share Posted January 24, 2018 Then it doesn't matter why he does this or if it is "common" for some men. You see through it and are not responding. End of story. Is this the guy you said you wanted to stay good friends with? I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, without stroking my ego so that’s why I asked on here, cause I don’t think I’m imagining it. I wanted unbiased opinions. Yes, I wanted to stay “an acquaintance”, but not when he’s trying to hurt me on purpose thinking it’d make me panic and want him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, without stroking my ego so that’s why I asked on here, cause I don’t think I’m imagining it. I wanted unbiased opinions. Yes, I wanted to stay “an acquaintance”, but not when he’s trying to hurt me on purpose thinking it’d make me panic and want him. If you think he's capable of this, he is not a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 Well now the time has come I never blocked him cause I didn’t think it’s needed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyhoney Posted January 24, 2018 Author Share Posted January 24, 2018 Ok here’s what happened: He called me, I answered, he was being all nice so I didn’t think anything of it, it’s been a while since we broke up. Then he brings up how he met a girl before Christmas and been on one date with her and how they had sex right away. He said if I tell you would you tell me if you’ve had sex with someone or not? (He doesn’t do hookups so I was a bit shocked) I said well I’m happy to hear you’re happy. And he said well not happy yet, but it’s progress. I think I want her. I said well I assume you guys had a good connection then, and he said it was different from ours, not better, I mean yeah ours was a bit off but I’ve known you longer. He’s also been flirting here and there whenever he can. The reason I feel like he’s playing me to intice me to do something is because; well what normal person who has moved on all healthy would share this with an ex? At least he’d leave the sex part out. I just never thought he’d play games or try to hurt me on purpose. So I didn’t judge him when he was talking, I thought he’s just innocently sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 Ask yourself this: How valuable is this kind of drivel in your life?he brings up how he met a girl before Christmas and been on one date with her and how they had sex right away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 But if you two are friends, that's what friends do! They talk about their dates because it's part of what's going on in their lives. I don't think you feel like your other friends are playing games when they tell you about their dates, right? See, the dynamic is always different when you try to "be friends" with exes. There's often a sense of loss when they start dating or having sex with others. Or a sense of "how can he do with someone else what we used to do together?" I don't get that he's playing games. He's talking like a friend because (I presume) you two agreed to stay friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyhoney Posted January 24, 2018 Author Share Posted January 24, 2018 Ask yourself this: How valuable is this kind of drivel in your life? You’re right I don’t. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyhoney Posted January 24, 2018 Author Share Posted January 24, 2018 But if you two are friends, that's what friends do! They talk about their dates because it's part of what's going on in their lives. I don't think you feel like your other friends are playing games when they tell you about their dates, right? See, the dynamic is always different when you try to "be friends" with exes. There's often a sense of loss when they start dating or having sex with others. Or a sense of "how can he do with someone else what we used to do together?" I don't get that he's playing games. He's talking like a friend because (I presume) you two agreed to stay friends. It feels like you’re scolding me? Or upset I made the post from all your replies so far? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 It feels like you’re scolding me? Or upset I made the post from all your replies so far? LOL why would I be "upset"? I just don't see from what you wrote that he's playing games. I see someone who you agreed to stay friends with telling you about his dating life because that's what friends share. But if you don't want that in your life you can just not respond or, as Wiseman suggested, ignore and then block. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyhoney Posted January 24, 2018 Author Share Posted January 24, 2018 LOL why would I be "upset"? I just don't see from what you wrote that he's playing games. I see someone who you agreed to stay friends with telling you about his dating life because that's what friends share. But if you don't want that in your life you can just not respond or, as Wiseman suggested, ignore and then block. Would a friend who moved on and dating text me two weeks ago saying “I still get hard thinking about our times, miss that wonderful “behind” of yours. Wish I was close!” I’m sorry, but not everything is that cut and dry like you’re making it seem. And yes, now I need to block him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Would a friend who moved on and dating text me two weeks ago saying “I still get hard thinking about our times, miss that wonderful “behind” of yours. Wish I was close!” I’m sorry, but not everything is that cut and dry like you’re making it seem. And yes, now I need to block him. I went through this same exact thing. Just delete him and stop replying. Words are just that----actions are what matter. He's not trying to get back with you, and you don't want him anyway, so either ignore his attempts or clearly tell him not to discuss relationships with you or talk sex and make sexual comments to you. I have male friends whom I never talk to in this way, and they would never do it to me. Doesn't matter he's your ex, you both say what makes you uncomfortable, and don't speak that way, or you don't speak at all. Step up and make it clear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyhoney Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 I went through this same exact thing. Just delete him and stop replying. Words are just that----actions are what matter. He's not trying to get back with you, and you don't want him anyway, so either ignore his attempts or clearly tell him not to discuss relationships with you or talk sex and make sexual comments to you. I have male friends whom I never talk to in this way, and they would never do it to me. Doesn't matter he's your ex, you both say what makes you uncomfortable, and don't speak that way, or you don't speak at all. Step up and make it clear. Thank you for sharing your experience too. I didn’t let him talk to me this way. I made it very clear that this isn’t appropriate and that if he really wants to remain cordial, he needs to realize that things are different. He said I’m so sorry guess I just misunderstood things. Not really sure what he misunderstood as he wouldn’t clarify, but I don’t believe I gave him any mixed signals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetGirl28 Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Thank you for sharing your experience too. I didn’t let him talk to me this way. I made it very clear that this isn’t appropriate and that if he really wants to remain cordial, he needs to realize that things are different. He said I’m so sorry guess I just misunderstood things. Not really sure what he misunderstood as he wouldn’t clarify, but I don’t believe I gave him any mixed signals. I got the "I'm sorry, I'll stop" and he did for a little while, then started again. Sometimes an ex thinks they can just talk to you in any manner they wish, and if it makes you uncomfortable, the relationship dynamic needs to be reevaluated. Basically, knock it off or cut contact lol. Some think a part of friending an ex involves hearing all the sexcapades and details, but it doesn't have to be that way. It can be "hey I'm dating so and so, yeah I'm happy", then move on to conversation about something else. All details don't need sharing, not even with gf's you have, right? I don't go spreading my sex life all over to anyone :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 No. Don't bother with this guy. He will mess you over in the long run. Is this the guy that doesn't talk to you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyhoney Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 No. Don't bother with this guy. He will mess you over in the long run. Is this the guy that doesn't talk to you? Are you talking to me? I’m not sure who you’re referring to? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyhoney Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 I got the "I'm sorry, I'll stop" and he did for a little while, then started again. Sometimes an ex thinks they can just talk to you in any manner they wish, and if it makes you uncomfortable, the relationship dynamic needs to be reevaluated. Basically, knock it off or cut contact lol. Some think a part of friending an ex involves hearing all the sexcapades and details, but it doesn't have to be that way. It can be "hey I'm dating so and so, yeah I'm happy", then move on to conversation about something else. All details don't need sharing, not even with gf's you have, right? I don't go spreading my sex life all over to anyone :) Exactly my point. Yes he could share all he wants about a girl he likes, even ask for advice on normal regular stuff, but to share the sex? I think that’s just a low blow and it’s meant to hit you where it hurts the most. I think this way he thinks he’s settled the score for me being cold and moving on. Now he seems all strong and manly. And toxic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Are you talking to me? I’m not sure who you’re referring to? yes.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reyhoney Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 yes.......... Where did I say that? I’m sorry I don’t remember. But no, that guy talks, and talks a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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