I'm in love with my bestfriend. What do I do?

[bryonlanus]

We're both 20 years old. I'm a guy, she's a girl. We've been friends since we were 13. Bestfriends to be exact. Problem is, I've had feelings for her the first time we met. Throughout the years I've admitted to her my feelings multiple times in the past, but I've had no luck. She's repeatedly told me that she only views me as a friend.

 

I've tried my best to discard my feelings for her, I started dating other girls. I even managed to maintain a decent 2-year relationship with someone until we eventually split cause of other reasons. But not once did I forget her or my feelings for her. We still communicate, and we still hangout but I know for sure what I feel about this girl.

 

Recently though, her friends told me that if ever I had plans in courting her, they 100% support me. They added that I just need to wait for the right time and keep going.

 

I've lowkey been giving her gifts I know she'd like, helping her with school and social problems, etc.

 

I personally am fine being her friend. But I'd love to be more.

 

I don't know what to do. I need advice. Do I keep going with the feelings I have? Or do I cut my losses and just abort? And if so, how? I can't just disappear, we've gone through too much and I don't want that to go to waste..

[ControlDenied]

I've lowkey been giving her gifts I know she'd like, helping her with school and social problems, etc.

 

 

Do not give her gifts, do not help her. Focus on yourself and be cordial to her.

 

Giving gifts does not create attraction.

Helping her doesn’t create attraction.

 

Being successful in your professional life goals creates attraction. Being emotional strong and focused creates attraction. Being adventurous creates attraction. Go live your life to the fullest everyday and let your need for her love go.

 

You do all that while remaining cordial, she will come back.

[Andrina]

Having chemistry for someone or not doesn't change. She doesn't feel the chemistry, and that's something a person has no control over. Friendships over a lifetime change for better or worse, evolve to something different, fade, or end. People go through life changes which forces the friendship to change, such as moving away, getting married, having children, moving into new friendship circles, etc.

 

You have to realize that when you're young, male/female best friends are common, but as you two move into adulthood, the way it is now won't likely last, and that's okay, and it's totally normal. Just because you have a past history with someone doesn't mean the friendship shouldn't fade away or end. The thing of it is that she will eventually enter into a serious relationship and her man won't appreciate her spending time with a guy who has a crush on her. And with her new relationship, she won't have as much time to spend with you since she will be busy with her bf, career, and possible marriage and children down the road.

 

And most importantly, your crush on her is preventing you from bonding with a potential gf. For your own good, you need to stop spending as much time with her and stop labeling her as your best friend. I've never labeled anyone that way, as I know how friendships are elastic things and sometimes without permanence. Start spending time with guy friends, hobbies, and the steps you're taking to prepare you for a future career. If she asks why you're contacting her less often, explain the reasons. If she truly cares for you as a friend, she will understand.

 

I know it's advice you don't want to hear, but nobody said life is easy. What you want isn't going to happen, and now you need to evolve to be able to move forward in your life, and the only way to do that is to leave an unrequited love behind you.

[Fun Boater 1]

Throughout the years I've admitted to her my feelings multiple times in the past, but I've had no luck. She's repeatedly told me that she only views me as a friend.

 

You are in a position that many guys have been in throughout the history of time! It's not a good position to be in because there is absolutely nothing you can do that is going to cause her to somehow, overnight, as if she were struck by lightning...etc... that is going to make her see you as anything but a friend. I chose the above quote because if she has "told you repeatedly" that she views you "only as a friend", then THERE is your answer. And it's an absolute answer. You have absolutely NO chance of turning her into you "girlfriend". NONE WHATSOEVER. You and her have a long established "friend" relationship. You are locked in the proverbial "friend zone". Stop wasting your time wishing there was something more. You are just selling yourself short and probably passing on other opportunities real dating "other than friends" relationships with other girls. You are 20 years old. DO NOT let your obsession with your "best friend" prevent you from dating other girls!

Stop buying her gifts. She probably appreciates them, this is true, but buying her gifts will do nothing to cause her to have that "struck by lightning" moment that will make her one day think.."ahhhh, oh yeah, I need to start dating this guy!". I've been there when I was a young man, always hung up on a girl or two that I was close friends with....but who I couldn't have! I missed out on things I could have had with other women as a result. Don't be that guy!

Stay friends with her, after all, friendships are important and meaningful....just STOP seeing her as a "dating option" and start looking at other girls who are emotionally available to you and might wish to have the kind of " more than friends" relationship your "best friend" is NOT capable of.