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Is it worth continuing or should I break this off? Maybe i'm just overthinking?


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Before I begin, I'd like to share a bit about myself that I think is important in order to understand the full context of my situation. I'm 22, male and gay. I attend college part-time and work three part-time jobs. Where I live, there are not many people like myself, making a dating life quite challenging. For this reason, I've turned to dating apps over the years despite their horrible reputation for hookups, but I remain hopeful that there are people like me out there who want something real.


This past December, I was using a dating app when I was messaged by another guy who seemed interesting. We had both sparked up a conversation that seemed effortless and rather interesting, definitely a plus. Like myself, he had shared that he wasn't looking for hookups, but rather trying to find someone who was real and wanted something serious. We ended up exchanging our numbers and snapchats, but neither of us really followed up with the communication. About two weeks later, he reached out to me and asked If he could take me on a date. Having been out of the dating life for about a year, I was a bit skeptical and hesitant about going, but decided to give him a chance. Despite my initial negative feelings, I was so glad I went having had an amazing time. We grabbed some food and spent hours talking as if we had known each other for years. We remained in contact through texting and decided to go on another date, which again, went very well. On our third and fourth date, we decided to spend some alone time together and shared some intimate moments, but nothing crazy. He said that although he likes being intimate with me, he does want to do other things outside of intimacy and that he thinks the next time we see each other should be something other than sex (but the next time was sex, again). It was around this time that I began to feel less than important and like he was losing interest. He works a part-time job with rotating hours and also visits his family sometimes that lives about an hour away and also has his own social life that he maintains, and I understand this completely. Because of his schedule, we've only been capable of seeing each other once a week, which seemed fine at first, but as I've grown to like him more and more, it has become difficult, especially when the one day we do have together is only a few hours. I know he has more free time, but I'm not sure why he doesn't spend that time with me. I also began to notice that his communication with me through text messages began to diminish. He doesn't initiate conversations as often as he was and the quality of texts began to lessen. I decided to talk to him about this and he was more than willing to have a deep conversation with me to say that he was definitely not losing interest and that he's just worried of messing things up between us by moving too quickly. He even offered to communicate more frequently with me. Feeling that was a valid response, I felt better and continued forwards. A month into dating, he asked for us to be official and I agreed, but I feel like I've made a huge mistake. His communication is slightly better, but hasn't really changed. We're still seeing each other at the once a week pace and every time we do see each other, it's always sex. We've both agreed that we're exclusive and that we both want commitment which is great, but I don't feel like I'm getting to know him or like this relationship is moving how it should be. I just feel something something is wrong and I can't figure out what. Although I really like and care for him and despite his conversation, I just don't feel the spark like I did in the beginning because of feeling less than important and like I come last. I don't want to give up too easily if there is potential, but at the same time, I don't want to end up hurt. I just don't know what's wrong and why I feel the way I do.

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Are we talking about you just met him last month and now you expect him to spend all his free time with you? You're dating! Seeing each other once a week is what dating is like, especially with two busy guys who have other things going on in their lives. I think you have to dial back your expectations. You're acting too clingy. You're moving too fast. I'm sure there's still a lot more you need to learn about each other, your likes and dislikes. And you're already complaining that he's not texting you enough. Do you need to know every little thing he's doing?


I think you have to calm things down. You're already imagining that he might be getting ready to break up with you, and you may be sabotaging your relationship by acting to possessive.

You could easily push him away by overthinking the relationship. Sit back and enjoy the dating. This is way too early to be acting so serious.

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Reread your own post. You pretty much say its not working out. Regardless of what his true feelings are its not working out and chances are it never would. I am 63 and female but in my history of dating if it doesn't seem right and something seems off it usually is. You sound like you have it together and a good catch.

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How about you two agree to spend the next few date out of bed to see if there is a viable connection that isn't just sexual.

He suggested it previously. Maybe it's time to put the plan into motion. Bring it up and if he's willing you have your answer and the opportunity

to really get to know him. If doesn't follow thru then you have your answer and you haven't invested anymore into this than necessary.

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It's only been a month so its too soon for the spark to be gone if both people are claiming to still be interested.


Although he has stated he doesn't just want to hook up I would suggest spending time with him without sex.


It sounds as if he has made it an "official hookup" without investing himself.

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