Feel I’ll never find someone

[Maddyb12]

A month ago I went through a rough break up. Was with someone 8 months we ended out of nowhere and three weeks later he was back with his ex. After about 2 weeks I felt I had moved on. I think about it and find annoyance that he ran right back to her but I don’t feel hung up or sad about it. I’ve entertained the idea of dating, gone out-flirted. Hooked up with someone NYE but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ll never find someone who truly interests me enough to fully commit to.

 

Even in the last relationship I could never cut ties with guys from my past. My bf at the time asked me to block a few numbers of exes and I refused to and still entertained talking to them throughout the relationship. I know this was wrong of me but I feel I was never fully invested (turns out he wasn’t either lol).

 

I feel like I have a permanent idea of “the grass is always greener”. I’ve never been fully happy in a relationship where I didn’t entertain the ideas of someone else or think about how things would be with a different partner. Except for in a relationship where I was treated very poorly.

 

I know this all comes down to me and clearly I have some issues on my own that I haven’t figured out but I just don’t know where to go from here. I’m 25 and I know that’s not necessarily old but I had always imagined to be settled down by now. I know I’m capable of being a good girlfriend and would ideally like to get married and have kids but I feel like it’s not in the cards for me.

 

Where do you meet people? I’ve tried dating sites and it seems to just feed my ego but I have no interest in actually trying on there anymore. I work in a female dominant field so meeting someone at work is out of the question really.

 

I hate feeling I will be alone forever be can’t see myself finding someone I connect with enough to be with “forever”. Does anyone else feel this way too?

[snkv]

Yes. Someone does feel the same.

 

My Girlfriend from 8 years dumped me 3 months ago, over the phone. Complete personality switch. Take that.

 

I dated another girl for about 8 months, perfect compatibility. She goes back to an ex fling of hers who didn't had the time for her (he's a changed man now...). She was worried I will get back to my ex. Complete personality switch. Take that.

 

Results from two of the most serious relationships in my life so far. Sleeping 4-5 hours a night for almost 4 months now. Confidence level self-bubble, and I am a 6'3" / 230 lbs man. I am 28 now, I do not feel good on my mind and heart.

 

I cut-off nearly all my social contacts so that I can have time for those relationships. Now I am left stranded. I have some sort of "stay away" aura that keeps on denying me new friends.

 

Worst feeling ever, hurts as much as losing a loved one. Those people are gone.

 

If this feels the same for you, welcome to the club.

 

There is always hope, don't worry, things will sort out eventually. Usually this happens when you stop expecting.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you aren't ready to settle down and that's fine. Just keep dating casually as you have been until you are ready for more serious dating.

 

This:

I feel like I have a permanent idea of “the grass is always greener”.

Is inconsistent with this:

I know I’m capable of being a good girlfriend and would ideally like to get married and have kids

[SweetGirl28]

I'm like that too, where I can find anyone to hold me, but to actually feel a strong connection

to want to date them, that's an issue. I end up being a better friend because I have to feel

it on all levels. The physical attraction, the mental stimulation, their temperament is a huge

one I watch for, but that because I've been through severe abuse and can't deal with a short fuse

and yelling.

 

You are still young, doesn't sound at all like you really want commitment, even though you think you do.

It would be better for you to casually date different guys, and see what could develop.

I don't know how people do the online dating thing. Join a singles group that does activities that you like.

Joining a gym opens up a chance to meet people also. What about grabbing a fun gf and attending a

singles dance?

 

Marriage and kids isn't for everyone. Maybe you never will have these in your life, but it doesn't mean

you will forever be alone. Take the pressure of the idea off yourself and just have fun.

[Maddyb12]

It sounds like you aren't ready to settle down and that's fine. Just keep dating casually as you have been until you are ready for more serious dating.

 

This:Is inconsistent with this:

 

You are right. Maybe it’s more the idea that I know I should be starting to settle down that makes me feel like something is wrong that I’m not.

[Blackey]

haha I just posted a very similar post with a very similar situation.

It doesnt feel like we will never find somebody else who is good enough , and it really sucks

both of us are fairly newly broken up, so I really hope that eventually something will change

and we will both find someone who is worthy.

One thing that i learned is that you do need to be active and keep on looking.

Telling yourself "if it meant to be it will be" will not get you too far.

For me it has been a month and a half since the break up and i went out on 7 dates, which did not

yield any results and its really frusturating and im kinda close to giving up, but then I know

that if I actually want to find somebody eventually i cant just sit around and do nothing,

because yes theoretically you can randomly find somebody while sitting and doing nothing,

but in practice your chances of finding somebody are higher when you are looking (dont have to be

desperate but be active to an extent).

I send you some positive energies :)

cheer up and lets be strong.

[Shani7]

HI Maddy,

 

I can understand that must be so frustrating for you.

 

You do sound like you are keen to meet that special someone to me, as you clearly stated you thought you would have done that by now, and you were obviously worried about enough to post on here. I think there are lots of wonderful and proactive steps that we can take to meet that special someone, and there are even powerful ways we can work on our mindset to make sure we no longer attract those men who we feel don't fully get us or those who we connect enough with to want to commit to them.

 

I send you great strength to live your biggest and happiest life and attract that special someone! Love Shani.