Great Uncle is dying

[Seraphim]

My great uncle is most likely going to pass away. He is 97 and fell and broke his leg and had a heart attack. He is the very last of my grandparents generation in our family . Married to his wife for 80 years. ( she is still alive) He is my dad’s maternal uncle.

 

He hates me to due to family lies about me. He adored me when I was a young child.

 

My mostly estranged father is deeply upset.

 

I feel sorry my father is upset and my great uncle will pass but I am not hurt at all. I guess I just don’t know what to do.

[Starlight925]

Sometimes, just because someone is technically a family member, we don't feel what we think we are "supposed" to feel, due to the ways in which we have been treated by them. For him to react and treat you poorly based on lies about you, rather than taking the time to figure out the truth, speaks of conditional love, rather than unconditional love.

 

It's always sad when someone passes, but that doesn't mean we are supposed to feel anything more than what we really feel.

 

This is a really unfortunate situation, and I'm sorry that you have to spend even one minute thinking about this. We are taught to believe that those who are in the generations before us are there to protect and love us, and we are supposed to give them respect in return. This uncle did not show you that protection or love.

[Seraphim]

The lies about me pertain to my father’s brother. My father’s brother brutally raped and beat me repeatedly as a young teen. Both my dad and his brother had lived with this uncle at different times as teenagers. My father’s parents and my father’s brother told lies about me to all the extended family members naming me as a liar trying to destroy the family. Many believed it barely knowing me. My grandfather didn’t want to have to explain why his two sons were horrible pigs and it would have marred his role as great patriarch of the family.

 

My grandfather will be dead 5 years now in a week. I always thought after his death I would clear my name in the family . But after tons of therapy and his death I found that that’s not really important . These people barely know me. I barely know my father‘s family because I was raised on the other side of the country and despite being here over 30 years we never spent a lot of time in each other’s company. So what they think of me is neither here nor there . And since they all knew my grandfather very well most likely they would believe him anyway .

[Starlight925]

Oh wow, what a terrible thing you had to endure. I cannot imagine. Speechless.

 

Seems like you've done the work in therapy, and the best thing you can do is put this behind you and let him pass without acknowledgment.

[Seraphim]

The last time I saw my great uncle was the day his sister ,my grandmother died 16 years ago. He refused to acknowledge me or speak to me. There is very little I can do or say at this point. But he will know the truth soon enough.

[annie24]

oh yikes, I'm sorry. I guess there isn't much for you to do, thankfully. You can tell your dad you feel sorry for his loss (when he passes) but I don't think you need to go to the funeral or really do anything else, considering you haven't talked to him in 16 years.

[Jibralta]

He hates me to due to family lies about me. He adored me when I was a young child.

 

That's difficult. I'm glad you're past the point where you feel you need to clear your name with people. But it's still difficult because injustice is difficult.

 

Something similar happened to my ex boyfriend. His father molested his little daughter, and his mother tried to cover it up. She tried playing both sides, and got caught. And when she got caught, she took her husband's side and disowned her only child (my ex boyfriend). Within about two years, his father died in prison. His mother died only months later. We were no longer together, but I went to the wake. The priest, who knew my ex boyfriend since he was a little kid, did not acknowledge him as her son. He stated the names of her siblings and her nieces and nephews, but not her son. I hurt for him. I thought that was so rotten.

[Seraphim]

Thanks everyone.

 

Yes, Jibralta, the injustice of it all was a deep dark pit of hell for many years. But now I am free of it ,thankfully .

 

I’m sorry for what happened to your ex ,that’s disgusting .

[Seraphim]

He passed away yesterday. My cousin just posted it on FB. His wife of course is devastated, they were married 80 years. My dad and his sisters are very upset.

[Seraphim]

At least he knows the truth , now.

[annie24]

I saw a quote on Facebook today, something along the lines of: Why do we talk about the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" but not "Cassandra, The Woman Who Wasn't Believed?"

[IAmFCA]

I saw a quote on Facebook today, something along the lines of: Why do we talk about the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" but not "Cassandra, The Woman Who Wasn't Believed?"

 

Yesssssss

 

Now that there are more journalists, authors, and editors, Cassandra's story comes forward

[Seraphim]

That’s the thing, no one wants to talk about the monsters in one’s own family, right? But I was believed by the important, my mom, my dad and my mom’s relatives and my brother, husband and my son. Even the police and judge believed me.

 

But , you’re right about the massive injustice of society.