Contact - Should I try again?

[bewildered1]

Hi, this is my first post. I hope I've put it in the correct section. If not, please feel free to move it.

 

A little bit about me... M/42 Married but separated for 18 months. No children. I've spent pretty much my entire adult life in relationships but only had three of them so all long term.

 

Ok, the question... I went out for a few drinks in my local pub on New Years Eve. I went alone and didn't expect to stay out long. Whilst there I met two lovely ladies. One of them is engaged to be married (I'll call her "A"), the other separated from her husband (I'll call her "K"). We ended up spending the entire evening together and had a really nice time. Lot's of laughter, jokes, and me watching them dance (I've two left feet). "A" added me as a friend on Facebook, "K" put her number into my phone (she called it to prove it was a real number, her idea) as she isn't on Facebook. Anyway, at the end of the evening we went our separate ways without committing to anything.

 

Yesterday evening I sent "A" a Facebook message saying how nice it was to meet them both and to thank her for being such lovely company. She has read the message but hasn't replied.

I also sent "K" a text message thanking her for a lovely evening. As it's just a mobile text message I have no way of knowing if she has read it. She hasn't replied either.

 

The thing is I haven't been with another woman since splitting from my wife. I've met other women through socialising but the split hit me very hard both financially and emotionally. Because of this I haven't so much as thought about being in another relationship. However, I find myself thinking about "K" and would like to perhaps take things further.

 

As I have said above, I have been in just three long term relationships. I don't have a great wealth of experience when it comes to dating, it's all very new to me and if I'm honest a little bit scary. It's not helped that I am a little introverted. I'm not shy, but quite quiet. I struggle with small talk. To tell you the truth I have no idea how I even met "K" and "A" or even my wife! I just started talking and it went from there I guess.

 

Anyway I'm babbling so I'll get to the point (At long last I hear you say.) Bearing in mind "K" hasn't replied to my last message should I send her another? And if so, what do I say? She doesn't live locally. She was visiting "A" but apparently she does visit quite often. I have transport so distance isn't too much of a problem except that we obviously couldn't arrange to meet the following day like we could if we lived closer to each other. I'm not sure what to think. It's only been 24 hours since I sent her that first message and she might have been too busy or had forgotten to reply though in fairness I didn't ask her any questions so I didn't explicitly request a response. I simply thanked her. But she also might not be interested and that could also be the reason for the lack of response.

 

As you can probably tell by my user name I am bewildered by the whole thing. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you.

[SweetGirl28]

Okay, in all honesty, it sounds like you all enjoyed a fun evening together and I'm going to assume

everyone had engaged in social drinking? Explains the exchange of info. How do I know? Because I'm

known to have been guilty of it,and know others who've done it too, and deleting the person after(yes I hang my head in shame over this).

 

Or, it could be that because she is separated, she still lives with her husband and just decided to not

start anything up. So this is common when people just meet and feel they don't owe the other anything,

that they just ignore the contact attempts.

 

You can take this experience and use it as a reminder to yourself that you are capable of getting out

there, socializing, and try it again. I can't lead you to contact her again, as you contacted her friend also,

with no reply.

 

I'm sorry, the dating world can be hard and scary, and uncertainty sucks. I wish you luck :)

[Morello]

I think you made a mistake sending messages to both of them, also considering A is engaged and the two of them probably talked about you messaging them both. Should've kept only to K who is the one you actually want to (or can) date.

 

But now I think you should give her a few days at least for her to reply. If she doesn't in a week or so, you can always follow up but that would indicate low interest from her.

[bewildered1]

Thankyou SweetGirl28 for your reply. We did indeed have a fun evening and yes, alcohol was involved. I have considered the possibility that "K" might have deleted my number. I hoped though that as her Sister-in-Law "A" hadn't unfriended me that there was a possibility that she might just have been busy. They also said that "K" would be visiting again sometime this month and that we could all meet up again but this was said whilst under the influence so I'll take that with a pinch of salt. "K" doesn't live with her husband. He was abusive, it's the reason why she is not on Facebook any longer.

 

Morello, thanks for the advice. The reason I messaged both of them is because I didn't want to come across as trying desperately to chat "K" up. Besides that, I spent them evening with both of them and as such wanted to thank them both. Although I didn't send them both the same message they were similar in detail. I purposefully kept it neutral. Perhaps with "K" I shouldn't have. I think I will take your advice and to leave it for a few days. Not just to give her time but also to try and figure out what I will say, if anything.

[SweetGirl28]

18 months is a long separation. I hope you get it resolved and can move forward and find happiness soon

 

Some women (myself included) are hesitant to even get involved knowing a man isn't divorced,

because the thoughts are there that the divorce may not happen, or they will be a temporary filler.

Also with her not being divorced, plus distance, timing is probably just not right.

I'm sorry, but don't give up!

[Lady34]

Well, “K” did give you her number...Honestly? I think you should wait a week and then text her again. Be direct. Tell her you’ve been thinking about her, you want to see her again, and ask if you can take her to dinner. If she doesn’t respond, then move on. I agree that you should have only messaged the woman you were interested in. It can send a mixed signal by reaching out to her and her friend. Good luck!

[Wiseman2]

Wait for a response. She may still live with her husband or she may only be "separated" when she's out partying out of town on girls night out.

separated from her husband (I'll call her "K")."K" put her number into my phone. Bearing in mind "K" hasn't replied to my last message should I send her another? It's only been 24 hours since I sent her that first message

[bewildered1]

Well, “K” did give you her number...Honestly? I think you should wait a week and then text her again. Be direct. Tell her you’ve been thinking about her, you want to see her again, and ask if you can take her to dinner. If she doesn’t respond, then move on. I agree that you should have only messaged the woman you were interested in. It can send a mixed signal by reaching out to her and her friend. Good luck!

 

Looking back now I can see how how sending a message to them both of them might look like I'm just going to go for the first woman to reply or perhaps that I'm playing one off against the other. This isn't the case. At the time I sent the messages I didn't have any romantic tendencies towards "K". I simply thought the polite thing to do was thank them for a nice evening. Perhaps I'm being a little too old fashioned.

 

As I said in a previous reply the messages I sent to them wasn't in any way romantic. Perhaps that was a mistake? Maybe it made "K" think I wasn't interested? I will do as you say, leave it for a few days and then send "K" another message and make my intentions clear.

 

Thank you so much for your advice Lady34.

[SweetGirl28]

Looking back now I can see how how sending a message to them both of them might look like I'm just going to go for the first woman to reply or perhaps that I'm playing one off against the other. This isn't the case. At the time I sent the messages I didn't have any romantic tendencies towards "K". I simply thought the polite thing to do was thank them for a nice evening. Perhaps I'm being a little too old fashioned.

 

As I said in a previous reply the messages I sent to them wasn't in any way romantic. Perhaps that was a mistake? Maybe it made "K" think I wasn't interested? I will do as you say, leave it for a few days and then send "K" another message and make my intentions clear.

 

Thank you so much for your advice Lady34.

 

As a female, I don't see it that way. If it were myself and a friend, I'd view it as a polite

message thanking us, and see it as you being friendly to try to open the doors to getting with my friend. But who knows, everyone is different. One last shot in a few days to the one who interests you, then leave it be.

[bewildered1]

As a female, I don't see it that way. If it were myself and a friend, I'd view it as a polite

message thanking us, and see it as you being friendly to try to open the doors to getting with my friend. But who knows, everyone is different. One last shot in a few days to the one who interests you, then leave it be.

 

Amy (why am i hiding names? I'm sure they won't be reading this) was openly trying to match me up with Kelly and I did get the impression from Kelly that she was interested, especially as she gave me her number quite early into the evening, but it's been such a long time for me that I wasn't entirely sure I wasn't just imagining things. I guess I'll find out in a few days when I send her a message. Nothing ventured as they say.

[SweetGirl28]

Amy (why am i hiding names? I'm sure they won't be reading this) was openly trying to match me up with Kelly and I did get the impression from Kelly that she was interested, especially as she gave me her number quite early into the evening, but it's been such a long time for me that I wasn't entirely sure I wasn't just imagining things. I guess I'll find out in a few days when I send her a message. Nothing ventured as they say.

 

Good luck! :)