Losing interest or is she just comfortable with me? Her texting has changed a little

[fmfan08]

Early December I met this fantastic girl on POF. We met up, had lots to talk about and had so much in common. We ended up kissing and she told me to text her when I got home. I did and she suggested date #2. She also mentioned how amazing it was we had so much in common.

 

Date #2 led into date #3. We kept contact every day, mostly initiated by her. My replies would range from 30 mins to 2 hours as I was busy at work, whereas hers were 5-10 minutes. She initiated contact with me every day, using a lot of emojis and sending me 8-10 line texts, asking questions, etc. She even suggested meeting up Saturday 6th January, aka she arranged date #4 before we even had the 3rd date.

 

On date #3, I stepped it up a little. After we went to the museum, I reached for her hand and held it. She reciprocated and we walked to the cinema. In the cinema I put my arm around her and she cosied up to me. After half an hour, assuming her head was starting to hurt, I removed my arm from around her and she guided my arm to lock her hands with mine, then wrapped herself around my arm to cuddle up, etc.

 

It ended with me walking her to her car and we talked about the plans we had for date #4. Her words were "You can stay over at mine on Saturday night, if you want.. Seeing as the show will be finishing late". I said "Yeah, that sounds good".

 

I texted her when I got in and this was her response: https://m.imgur.com/a/BuSbl

 

However, the next day she reached out, we texted a bit, I felt like I got an odd response from her apologising for the way her morning text sounded: https://m.imgur.com/a/rPG0F

 

After that conversation, I mentioned to her that I booked the tickets for this coming weekend and she told me to let her know what she owes me. I told her it was a birthday treat and she didn't owe me anything (she'd previously said she thought it'd be nice if we went out the night before her birthday, so the night would run into her birthday). She replied "Thank you very much :) ". Usually uninterested girls will be insistent on splitting the bill, from what I've experienced.

 

The main problem I have is that my gut feels like something has changed with her. Compared to a few days ago, her texts are much shorter (they used to be essay length), not as many emojis and she takes a little longer to reply, 30-45 mins compared to 5-10 mins, although it's a bit of a mix. Whenever I bring flirting into it, she doesn't seem to respond to that part of my text whereas previously she would.

 

Our recent conversation: https://m.imgur.com/a/VKuNw

 

She initiated contact most days, everyday on days where I didn't initiate contact, however today she hasn't contacted. First day in nearly a month we haven't spoken, which confirms my gut feeling a little. I've initiated the last couple texts.

 

Just looking for an outside perspective. Anything to worry about or am I imagining problems? I just noticed a change in her texting with her length (half the length) and response time (her last couple of texts were quick though) and that she's not reaching out to me like she used to.. Could she be getting comfortable or possibly nervous/guarded about what could happen if I stay over at hers?

 

Does she seem like someone who's lost interest?

 

Thanks.

[DanZee]

Ask her out on a date. If she turns you down, then she's lost interest. You should't try to read in stuff that might not exist. It's like trying to date via telegraph. Go see her next weekend. See if she invites you to stay the night. See if you can take the relationship to a higher level.

[fmfan08]

Ask her out on a date. If she turns you down, then she's lost interest. You should't try to read in stuff that might not exist. It's like trying to date via telegraph. Go see her next weekend. See if she invites you to stay the night. See if you can take the relationship to a higher level.

 

I did mention it in my OP that we have one set for this coming Saturday. She arranged this date before our last one.

 

I offered to book tickets and she asked what she owed me so I tested to see if she was interested and said I would pay for them. she said "Thank you very much :)". Uninterested girls have always been adament on paying half. Here was the conversation for that: https://imgur.com/a/fGS3G

 

It's her birthday the day after. She asked if I wanted to stay over for the night, so I'm guessing she wanted to spend her birthday with me.

[milly007]

I don't notice a difference in the substance of the texts at all. I understand what you mean though. When you like someone and you've established a set pattern basically in terms of how you communicate, it sucks when you find they're responding less frequently, or taking longer to reply.

 

I think you may be overthinking things, which we're all guilty of. Enjoy your upcoming date with her and see how it goes! Think positively!

[fmfan08]

I don't notice a difference in the substance of the texts at all. I understand what you mean though. When you like someone and you've established a set pattern basically in terms of how you communicate, it sucks when you find they're responding less frequently, or taking longer to reply.

 

I think you may be overthinking things, which we're all guilty of. Enjoy your upcoming date with her and see how it goes! Think positively!

 

Her favourite movie premiered on tv tonight, should I open up a text tomorrow mentioning that and how it reminded me of her? Or does that seem a bit full on after three dates? Just trying to think of interesting ways I could open up a conversation without saying "hey, how's your day going?" etc.

[milly007]

Her favourite movie premiered on tv tonight, should I open up a text tomorrow mentioning that and how it reminded me of her? Or does that seem a bit full on after three dates? Just trying to think of interesting ways I could open up a conversation without saying "hey, how's your day going?" etc.

 

If she likes you, she will appreciate a "hi, how's your day going?" text, or a text about the movie, like "Hey! Your favourite movie premiered on tv last night! Did you see it?". If I like a guy, I'll appreciate the message, and the fact that he took that time out of his day to send me a message. Try to not overthink things. If you want to messsge her, go ahead and do it.

[fmfan08]

If she likes you, she will appreciate a "hi, how's your day going?" text, or a text about the movie, like "Hey! Your favourite movie premiered on tv last night! Did you see it?". If I like a guy, I'll appreciate the message, and the fact that he took that time out of his day to send me a message. Try to not overthink things. If you want to messsge her, go ahead and do it.

 

Fair point. I like how you phrased that message, it was similar to how I would've said it. Do you think by adding "it made me think of you" or "it reminded me of you" would be too much?

[thorough]

I've noticed a pattern when dating in real life or online, when the texting changes, the interest isn't there anymore. The 1st couple of times I chalked up the lack of texting to everyday life and they were still interested. After going through this several more times, I observed that the guys pretty much dropped off the face of the earth. Always listen to your gut, I used to believe that I was paranoid, but my gut feeling is ALWAYS right.

[fmfan08]

I've noticed a pattern when dating in real life or online, when the texting changes, the interest isn't there anymore. The 1st couple of times I chalked up the lack of texting to everyday life and they were still interested. After going through this several more times, I observed that the guys pretty much dropped off the face of the earth. Always listen to your gut, I used to believe that I was paranoid, but my gut feeling is ALWAYS right.

 

She still replies and asks me questions and is still keen on the idea of our date this weekend, just we don't have essay length texts between each other now and she hasn't bothered to initiate conversation in the last day. I'll reach out this afternoon. Maybe it's better if we don't talk everyday, or maybe she feels we don't need to.

 

If I have been ghosted then I'll never forgive her and just have to find someone else to take this weekend, if I can.

[milly007]

Fair point. I like how you phrased that message, it was similar to how I would've said it. Do you think by adding "it made me think of you" or "it reminded me of you" would be too much?

 

At this point, yes I think it would be too much.

[figureitout23]

 

If I have been ghosted then I'll never forgive her and just have to find someone else to take this weekend, if I can.

 

That's a bit of a dramatic leap wouldn't you say?

 

Me personally, if I'm the one always initiating and being the one to reach out I'm going to start assuming the dudes interest level doesn't match mine and I should back off. She didn't ghost you, she's just backed off a bit. To put it bluntly, time to put on your big boy pants and put in some effort your d*mn self.

[thorough]

She still replies and asks me questions and is still keen on the idea of our date this weekend, just we don't have essay length texts between each other now and she hasn't bothered to initiate conversation in the last day. I'll reach out this afternoon. Maybe it's better if we don't talk everyday, or maybe she feels we don't need to.

 

If I have been ghosted then I'll never forgive her and just have to find someone else to take this weekend, if I can.

 

You obviously want contact everyday, which isn't a bad thing, I like contact from a love interest/bf everyday. If she keeps acting distant forget about her and move on.

[SoulTaker]

She still replies and asks me questions and is still keen on the idea of our date this weekend, just we don't have essay length texts between each other now and she hasn't bothered to initiate conversation in the last day. I'll reach out this afternoon. Maybe it's better if we don't talk everyday, or maybe she feels we don't need to.

 

If I have been ghosted then I'll never forgive her and just have to find someone else to take this weekend, if I can.

 

You base "interest level" on the actual dates, and not texts. As long as she keeps wanting to go out on dates, and the dates are positive, then there's nothing to get anxious about.

 

If she starts acting differently on the next few dates, then that would raise question marks.