Confused

[camwhite18]

Thanks for everyone's input, I get a lot of good unbiased feedback from the users of this site.

 

Me and my gf broke up recently, but I'm still confused about It all. She initially ended the relationship, she found out I deleted a conversation behind her back withanother girl, which I admitted was wrong, but there was absolutely no foul play at all, she even messaged that specific girl and she said that your bf did nothing to cross any lines. I obviously crossed a line trying to hide it and i know that. i gave this girl relationship advice. Why I deleted the conversation? I honestly dont know, but as a result of this mistake I made, she ended the relationship. I was flustered, and she was mad I wasn't trying to Fix things, i guess i let my ego and pride get in the way. She said if this was reverse, id be doing everything in my power to win you back. So her game plan was I'm ending this relationship but I'm expecting him to win me back and fight for me, she even told me this, but as a guy who made a mistake and had my gf end the relationship was hurtful all around, and I was in no mood to show her differently.

 

My friends advice was that thats pretty manipulative and attention seeking of her to just dump you and expect you to move mountains for her. (But they will obviously take my side).

 

Her girlfriend said that I should have waited a couple of days for us to cool off and for her to clear her head, after she broke it off with me, I was very inconsistent and was one moment saying I was done with her and another moment saying I miss her, so I dont blame her. Right when I said "just block me, and move on" we haven't spoken in a month and a half until I reach out to her asking her to be friends.but I said that in the heat of the moment.

 

What do you guys think?

 

A) was I in the wrong for saying just move on, she did end the relationship with me and I was mad and in the moment told her to just Move on. I explained many times that i was sorry for hiding a conversation with her.

B) when we met up for closure, she said that it was my choice to end things and not give her time to cool off at all, BUT she ended the relationship and she made no effort to actually contact me either during our no talk. This is why I'm confused, she ended things with me, but yet said it was my choice to let her move on.

 

C) is there any chance of winning her back?

D) this relationship has let me CONFUSED, at times I feel like I was a bad bf, but then I have all my other friends saying , man she's manipulative,controlling, and has her own problems, yet she had me so convinced that i am the one who was inferior to her. She even said I guarantee you won't find someone who will love you like I did and it's been haunting me, because even though she was crazy, she did LOVE me.

[glitterfingers]

Was she crazy? What I see here is two people trying to get their needs met and doing a very poor job at it.

 

She needs you to make up for a breach of trust and show her that she is worth fighting for, and you need to be respected and understood for your reasons for doing things. When neither of you get your way, she threatens to leave and you (in the same fashion) tell her fine, go then. Move on.

 

Yeah. Pretty stubborn of you, but what did she expect? You don't threaten to end things unless you're prepared to follow through, especially because doing so is hurtful enough that some people will just let you. But you both contributed to this, so blame cannot fall unfairly on either side for the way things ended (although you probably could have been more honest with her about that deleted conversation...)

 

The only way to avoid this type of thing is for one or both parties to concede. I tend to concede almost immediately, just to keep the peace, and table the conversation for more rational discussion when in a calmer state of mind. It doesn't always work (some people like drama and passion, and feel neglected when they don't get that response). But in terms of getting what *I* want - a peaceful, respectful relationship - it is the best approach.

 

I don't think there's a lot you can do at this point because things didn't end on good terms. But if you want to try anything, simply apologise to her. Write her a medium length message (4-5 sentences, no more). Say that you're sorry that you made her feel as though the relationship wasn't worth fighting for, that you did value her and you felt so hurt and misunderstood that you simply retaliated rather than finding a way to work through things. Let her know you would like to be on speaking terms again, but you also understand if she can't forgive what happened.

 

Takes a bit of effort to suppress the ego enough to apologise like this, but it's the only way that you can truly get someone to understand you - show them understanding first.

[Ziggy123]

I don't know... I think I would be done with her. She broke up with you over something really small. And then want a you to fight for her back. Sounds like this would be a dramatic on and off relationship where she would just break up every time something went wrong. If someone leaves I would say see ya. But that's just my new opinion on break ups. I don't believe in breaking up unless you really are done. And I hate drama.

[SweetGirl28]

Problem here----she makes you feel inferior to her.

This is not the makings of a lasting relationship.

She broke up with you and wanted more drama than you gave in trying to get her back.

Let her taste her own medicine and move on without you.

You'll find someone who doesn't want you to be their puppy dog on a leash once you heal.

[catfeeder]

I don't know... I think I would be done with her. She broke up with you over something really small. And then want a you to fight for her back. Sounds like this would be a dramatic on and off relationship where she would just break up every time something went wrong. If someone leaves I would say see ya. But that's just my new opinion on break ups. I don't believe in breaking up unless you really are done. And I hate drama.

 

I agree. People who threaten breakups or go through with them for any other purpose than a sincere breakup don't belong in a relationship until they outgrow that.

 

Your ex isn't relationship material.