Break up

[camwhite18]

Hey guys, a girl broke up with me a month ago, and we were together for only 6 months. The 3 weeks post breakup were easy, school was very stressful so we both shut each other out and I was drowned in my schoolwork, and barely thought about her. But during this Christmas break ive been thinking about her like crazy. She said she was excited to spend Christmas with me and we had plans to go to a ski resort together prior before we broke up, which would be around this time. Before the breakup, she used to say things like you'll never find someone who loved me as much as I did and that you'll have no one if you leave me. She did a lot for me, and i know she loved me very much, and it makes me believe that i wont ever find that again, but we fought like crazy and I always wondered if it was my fault. I'm losing my mind, it was a toxic relationship but I miss it, and I'm wondering maybe she was normal and I was actually the messed up one. The endless questions I ask myself are eating at me.

 

We had contact about 3 weeks after the break up where we completely had no conversation. I approached her and said I'm sorry for the way we ended things and asked if there was ever a chance of us being friends, we caught up a little bit . My goal was closure but I left feeling way more crappy. She gave one last hug and she started to tear up and it made us both feel very sad, I still miss her a lot.

 

What can I do to get my insanity back

[iamwaffles]

I know this is extremely hard. I went through the exact same thing not even a year ago. I know it may seem, at the time, that she is the only answer and the key to your happiness, but you even admitted it yourself: it was a toxic relationship. It sounds like what she was telling you was hurting you more than you realize. Someone who loves you will never put you down like that. My last boyfriend did the exact same to me. He would say I'm not worth it and that I should thank him for sticking around because nobody else would take me. That isn't love. Don't blame yourself for the breakup because it seems she may need some time to herself to figure out how to treat someone.

 

My advice would be to try to minimize the amount of contact you have with her until you can live without her. Work on yourself first. Learn to make your own happiness. Then, if she is still around or still on your mind, you could try being friends with her and build a strong bond before you date her again, if that's what you still want by then.

 

I know, getting over someone is easier said than done, but don't put yourself in another toxic relationship just for the hell of it. Good luck :)

[Aaricia]

What can YOU do to get your sanity back? Don't contact her!

 

You had a break-up, but it was in the middle of school, so you survived because you had a tons of homework and finals to think about. But now that you don't have that to think about, she comes back in your mind and you begin to think that maybe it was all your fault. If you can recognize that a relationship is toxic, why on earth would you decide to go back in it? I hope you realize that she telling you "you'll never find anyone that loved you as much as her" and that "you will never find anyone if you leave her" are manipulation techniques. Don't fall into it. There is plenty of girls out there OP, you are in school, you'll meet a lot of them, in class, at a cafe, in the hallway etc. and they won't make you feel like crap either. It's normal to miss a relationship especially if you were very attached. But if you fought like crazy, then there was a problem. I don't know why you guys fought and the severity of it, but truth is she broke up with you. Did she say anything since the break-up? Think carefully if you want to go into that relationship again and go through everything you went the first time twice.

Good luck!

[iamwaffles]

Okay also, to help get your mind off of her and focus on yourself, just keep yourself busy. You said that worked when you still had schoolwork and it can still work now. If that means distracting yourself with playing a sport, taking up a new hobby, reading a book, playing nonstop video games, hanging out with friends, so be it. Don't overthink it and try not to dwell on anything. Again, good luck and hope all ends up well!

[Aaricia]

Okay also, to help get your mind off of her and focus on yourself, just keep yourself busy.

 

Cannot agree with this more! Now is your time off to do anything you couldn't while in school. Take advantage of it! Go meet new people, train, watch movies, too many opportunities out there other than thinking about someone who hurt you! :)

Hang in there!

[smackie9]

Go no contact, and simply fill your time with things you like to do...she will be a distant memory in no time.

[SoulTaker]

Hey guys, a girl broke up with me a month ago, and we were together for only 6 months.

 

We had contact about 3 weeks after the break up where we completely had no conversation. I approached her and said I'm sorry for the way we ended things and asked if there was ever a chance of us being friends, we caught up a little bit . My goal was closure but I left feeling way more crappy. She gave one last hug and she started to tear up and it made us both feel very sad, I still miss her a lot. What can I do to get my insanity back

 

Now that you have some down time, what you need to do is to reflect on what caused the break-up. You said that it was a toxic relationship, so what caused it? What were the things you did that contributed to the break-up? You can't move forward until you have worked on improving yourself, or else you will bring your issues into the next relationship.

 

As for as being friends, forget about it, unless your intentions are only about being a friend (which we both know is not the intent). Move on. If she sees something in you, then she'll later reconnect and you will be a different person.

[reinventmyself]

Due to the timing and being caught up with school you didn't have the time to process the breakup and grieve the loss.

These moments are always waiting for you and you either deal with now or later. I suppose it's confusing to have the emotions now and second guess the meaning behind them.

Consider it typical and somewhat overdue. That compounded with the holidays doesn't make it any easier.

I agree with keeping busy. . too a point. I think there is value sometimes in sitting in the emotions and processing them so they will pass.

[katrina1980]

 

What can I do to get my insanity back

 

I hope you meant get you "sanity" back.

 

In any event, for me it's "time."

 

I know that's a huge cliché, but for me time heals.

 

Don't fight your feelings, feel the pain, feel the loss. DO NOT bury it.

 

Eventually, it will rise to the surface and then be released.

 

If you attempt to bury it, it just lingers deep inside you, festers, and will invade your thoughts and every subsequent RL you have.

 

Stay no contact and block her number. I just said this on another thread, but blocking is so healing.

 

It prevents you from jumping like a puppy every time a text comes in, hoping it's her.

 

This keeps you stuck in the longing mode and hinders your ability to move on.