Me and ExGF complicated

[rwango]

Hello All,

 

I was seeing this girl for almost two years. The last 5 months of our were pretty bad, I was depressed and focused on other things and she was the first thing that I pushed away which made her feel really insecure and like I didn't love her. This was also coupled with me being very irritable during this period of time causing me to be angry and sometimes treat her badly. Despite this we had an amazing relationship, we loved each other very much and were each other's best friends, but the way I acted drove her away and we ended things during summer break when we were long distance.

 

After the breakup, I focused on myself and gave her space. Managed to work through my problems and become a better more positive person. When we came back to University in September we talked and saw each other a couple of times (hooked up and had sex). Thing is that I wanted to get back together at the time but she wanted to focus on herself and wanted to be independent. I respected this and left her be, through October she started seeing this other guy casually and I hooked up with a couple of other girls. We didn't speak/see each other until this week.

 

I had found out that she had a stalker problem so I texted her to see if she was ok (just wanted to find out if she was safe). She responded that she was ok and that she would really like to catch up before the semester ended. I agreed and we met for lunch. I went into this without any expectation, I thought I had moved on and she did too. But as soon as we sat down together it was as though no time had passed. There we spoke on our semesters, she told me she was happy but had gone through a lot of **** in her semester (she was raped, stalked, and her roommate attempted suicide a couple of times) (I should also point out that she is one of the happiest people on this earth, and it seemed like none of this phased her). Anyways, as soon as we left the restaurant and went into the car we just started making out and we drove to my place to have sex. There she told me that she still loved me.

 

After this, she left because she had to do something with her friends but ended up staying the night. The next day I texted her to see if we could talk(I was confused about whether we were gonna give our relationship another chance) before I flew back home. She had to study for a final that she had the next day so she wanted to study in the library, mentioning that "we shouldn't meet in either of our rooms because we will just end up having sex". Now in this text conversation, she mentioned that she had been feeling stressed out about this whole situation. When we met to talk she told me that she didn't think it would be a good idea to try again because she was already hurt before by me and that there was a lot of baggage (she compared me to heroin, and said that when she is near me she can't resist me and wants to be close to me but that she is scared of getting hurt) and that she enjoyed being independant and not having to worry about anyone else, I explained to her that I have changed for the better and that all I wanted was an opportunity to show her that, and I told her to followe the emotions that she had for me. She agreed to give me a chance (next semester) and that she would keep and an open mind. I feel kind of stressed out and confused because she went into the conversation thinking about not trying again, and I am just worried that since we are going on break the intensity of the last couple of days will die down.

 

I just want to know if you guys have any advice on my situation, and how I can best use this opportunity to show her that it's different and that we can make it work this time. If you guys need anything clarified just ask below.

 

Thanks and sorry for the long post,

Ray

[Hollyj]

She could go either way at this point. Do not push her. Send her Christmas and New Years greetings, and that's it. Wait until you reconnect for the semester, and take it slowly.

[DanZee]

You can show your friend that you changed simply by not becoming angry and not treating her badly. It's as simple as that.