Dating and laughing at myself? Advice?

[rainy soul]

Ok I feel a little strange with this whole thing...

I wount go into too much detail but lets just say that I was dumped 4months ago after a several year engagement. I have very, very recently been back in the dating scene (if thats what one would call it?) Anyways, I'm not totally out of the post breakup pain but I really feel that things have started to turn around in the past couple of weeks..were getting there!

Anyways, I recently met a guy and have since gone out for drinks with him...he has also just come out of an engagement about 3months ago (difference is, he was the dumper) Anyways, I'm trying to find a happy medium between falling for him by force of association and lets face it it dulls the little pain that is left and developing a friendship that if "its meant to be" it will be, over time. I know that I will be leaving for the summer and have made it clear to him that I am not totally over my ex and am just looking for something casual...don't ask me what that means as I haven't defined it entirely for myself, but I know that casual means nothing too heavy, no jumping into another relationship!

Does it really exist that you can spend some time with someone and maybe have a little intimacy without getting crushed or crushing someone else? Or am I just fooling myself? I really don't have any experience with the dating thing...its exciting but also unchartered waters! Any advice? Thanks...Ps there seem to be all these "rules" about dating, is it alright to ask someone out for a friday night date or does that just scream, I don't have a life?

[rickcarlisle]

Hi rainy! Well, I think after you've had some time to absorb and learn from your last relationship, it's a great idea to get back in the dating world. But I think it's impossible to have a little intimacy without someone wanting more. I just had an encounter with finding a girl I was dating sleeping with her ex, so I'm a bit biased. My advice would be to go out, have a good time, but try and keep the sex out of it. It complicates things so much. In time, if the two of you are patient enough, your feelings for your ex will dissipate, and so will his. Also... asking someone out on a Friday night is a great idea. It doesn't look desperate at all!

[eddie500]

But I think it's impossible to have a little intimacy without someone wanting more

 

Probably mostly not true. when you get intimate with a guy it is very easy for the guy to fall in love. You will most likely hurt the guy a lot if he falls in love. Falling in love is not something you can choose.. it just happens.

 

Anyways, I'm trying to find a happy medium between falling for him by force of association and lets face it it dulls the little pain that is left and developing a friendship that if "its meant to be" it will be, over time.

 

I love when you girls talk like this. This guy is just not the guy you really want.. or you wouldn't be saying a line like this!

 

Also when you find Mr. Right, you will be very surprised how quickly you forget about your ex. You bascially just have to find someone you can fall in love with. So keep looking.