16F/21M... Is this a little much?

[poepeople]

I turned 21 3 months ago and she turns 17 in 3 months. I like her very much and she seems to like me but I believe her parents do not approve. They have no problem with her talking to me on the phone but I think that's just because they know nothing can be done over the phone.

 

Every one seems to think that when two people are together that they are having sex. I think this is the reason they don't approve. I mean... They don't even trust her with guys her age. So my age makes it even worse.

 

She wanted me to talk to her parents about it but I am not sure how I tell them I want to "go out" with their daughter and I won't have sex with her yet so don't worry.

 

I know she is under 18 and I have no problem waiting... As long as I can be with her till then... For some reason no one seems to believe me?

 

Do you all think that the age gap is a little large to be trying to have a relationship?

[goddess23]

hey. look with all honesty ive said this before and ill say it again that when it coems to age gaps during these teen years it makes quite a difference. the thing is not so much on the level that you think, you probably have the best conversations with this girl then any girl your age. trust me ive been through it. but there are differences in lifestyel that make it nearly impossible to have a relationship. such as the fact that shes in high school and her daily stresses are very different from yours. her relationship with her parents is probably much more strict meaning dating is going to be a hassle. and yes sex, while you may want more, she may not. ofcoures this is generallly speaking. but those are the facts. and you say you can wait and i believe that you really do have those intentions but the fact is its two years from now. two years. think about that carefully when you say you can wait. now im not saying dont date her or what not, give talking to her parents a try, and see if its going well. it is totally possible. but be prepared to face the facts that come with this age gap. but for now its still early just give it a shot. try talking ot her, to her parents see what happens. but dont get too caught up because this age diff does cause problems.

[annie24]

What country are you in poepeople?

[poepeople]

United States

[Krystyl]

Her parents do not approve because they don't understand why a 21 year old man is wanting to see a 16 year old high school girl or what you could possibly have in common. I'm not saying she isn't mature or that you two aren't capable of a relationship with no sex for another full year. BUT...her parents do not see it that way. It's their job to protect her...and it's pretty threatening to have a grown man coming around their underage baby. I'm just trying to let you see it from their perspective. If you are going to be a man about this...you will have to ask permission from her parents.....she is underage. You have no right to go out with an underage girl without her parent's permission---no matter how innocent you say your intentions are. At least that's the way I see it.

[poepeople]

I must say if I had a daughter of this age wanting to be with a man of my age I would not let this happen. I also know how I feel for her now and what I believe. I would not know how he feels or if I could trust him either. So I do see where they are coming from.

 

When I was a 16 year old I would have no problem being with a 21 year old woman. I had plenty of different things on my mind back then though. I learned to control my self from back in my teenage days though hehehe. I do most of the same things now that I did when I was 17 or 18 but I am still a little young (besides the going to work instead of school and the paying of taxes). I guess this will change in time also. (Not paying of taxes but the other activities)

[Gauchori]

All I can say is that its is illagal for you to go out with an underage girl.... but if you are just good friends and stuff... there's no age in love...

 

Take care 8)

[QTpie87]

My brother is dating a girl that is 15 and he's gonna be 21 in a few months, but she just turned 15. I used to think it was wrong, and they can get into a lot of trouble, well he could. If she ever got mad she could turn him in for rape, Cause weither she was willing or not she's a minor. So I would be careful. Even if you don't do anything she or her parents could still say you did, and that would be BAD real bad, My mom works for animal control and knows the judge and cops up here and she says that when people get charged with that that it isn't pretty. I'm not saying it'll happen, It's good you like eachother, but I'm just saying I would definetly be extreamly careful.

good luck.

Qtpie87

[nexus532]

Well what state, every state has different laws, here in Montana 16 is the legal are to be dating/ect with adults.

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

Its not illegal to date someone underage, just illegal to have sex with him / her. I think the original poster said he is not interested in sex, so thats not an issue, so he won't be breaking any laws.

 

If you truly love each other, then it doesn't matter what the parents say. Be careful that it truly is love. Take everything slowly. Take time to get to know each other. Don't rush into anything.

[Cretan]

It all depends on the maturity level of the two individuals. There are many 17-year-old girls who are, like, 5 years more mature than their age. Girls usually mature faster than boys so it is quite likely that the 21-year-old boy and the girl are at about the same maturity level. Is so, I don't see a problem with it.

[Gauchori]

Oh yeah... sorry... you can't have sex with an underage girl... my bad

[lady00]

If you truly love each other, then it doesn't matter what the parents say.

 

I disagree. As long as she is living with her parents and is dependent on them, it matters what they think. Until she is an adult and moves out and is able to live on her own, she is going to have to follow her parent's rules. My advice to the poster is to ask her parents' permission. Prepare...think about what you need to say to get their approval and make sure that you are sincere and totally honest with them. It makes sense for you and your gf to sit down together with her parents (if her parents are okay with that) and go over things openly. But as another poster pointed out...you need to be careful if she's underage in your state because a lot of things could go wrong such as false accusations by her parents or her of innapropriate conduct...even if you do nothing wrong, the mere implication that you did can ruin your reputation. If you're absolutely sure that this relationship is worth all the potential pitfalls then by all means, go for it.

[Gauchori]

As long as she is living with her parents and is dependent on them, it matters what they think. Until she is an adult and moves out and is able to live on her own, she is going to have to follow her parent's rules.

 

I strongly agree on this. Not to be reigious or anything... but the best thing to do, is to have... kind of their parents blesing in some way... what I'm trying to say is that its best when the parents agree, like you, and go for it than if they are against the situations...

 

Don't forget that they are who brought her in this world, they took care of her since she was a baby... they have been everything for her, they were always there and give her what she needed... and for someone to just come and take her away without their aproval..... No good...

 

So I'll say... I rather be with someone that their parents like me... than to just want to go against their will, be a pain in the .... no good place.... and have the girl suffer in the end. It will only lead to more trouble....

 

My 2 cents...

[TooTall20]

one of my friends is 23 and dating a 16 yr girl ...and at first her mother hated his guts and was very defensive...and it took awhile for her to get to know him better and it worked out....and they are still together today. and they have been together for almost 2 yrs now..so it can happen but it was very tuff on both of them.

[SilverManic]

I think you should speak to her parents if they say no respect there wishes and stay friends with her until she is old enough. A relationship is based on friendship in the first place.

GL,

~S.