Trying To Read The Signs

[BlackCountry]

Hi everyone

 

I'm looking for advice/thoughts on a strange thing that's been bugging me for a few days regarding a new(ish) and seemingly good friend. It's a complicated one so I'll start at the beginning.

 

I'm a driving instructor, have been for nearly twenty years (I'm 42). Normally, when folk pass their driving tests, they get a friendly "well done" and "drive safely." I occassionally stay in touch with ex-pupils on Facebook, but beyond that there's usually no further communication unless they come back to me because they know someone who wants to learn to drive.

 

In March this year I started teaching a lady who passed her test a week and a half ago. As our professional relationship developed we became good friends, though around six weeks ago I realised I'd started to develop feelings for her. We've both been married for ten years and both have children. She's 12 years younger than me.

 

We agreed to stay in touch after she passed her test and met for coffee a few days back. She gave me a lovely present and card to say thank you. In the card she'd written a lovely poem, four verses, as well as a touching thank you note. The poem was gorgeous; I had a lump in my throat reading it. I read it privately, after we'd met, and messaged her later to say thank you, and how much the poem meant to me, her thought and time and consideration.

 

She replied it came from the heart, that she didn't know how I'd react, and was glad I liked it.

 

Now I'm into poetry and writing generally, have been a good while, and something didn't quite sit right. I wondered if she'd actually written the poem as her use of language in conversation didn't quite match the lovely verses. I felt guilty at thinking like this but decided to google the opening lines of the poem.

 

Before I did that I asked her if she fancied attending a "poetry for parents" class. She said she'd love to but couldn't; the evening classes make it impossible for her to attend because of her children. Her husband works nights and so that made sense. When she messaged me that she couldn't attend, she did so with regret. She said she'd love to do something like that, and that she'd written poetry since school and still does so now.

 

On googling the poem from my card it popped up online pretty quickly. I was disappointed, being a writer, that she'd told me it came from the heart when it hadn't.

 

So why did she do this? To impress somebody she already knew was into poetry/writing? Embarrassment?

 

Further, I'm wondering now if she's being honest about writing poetry since school. If she is (being honest) then she'd know not to pass that work off as her own. Which suggests perhaps that she's not being truthful about this love of poetry, which begs the question: why tell me she is? Is she trying to impress me.

 

If she is I'm flattered, but also confused. If she has feelings for me in the way I have for her...but she's trying in some way to communicate this by fibbing...

 

Confused. Lots.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

And yes, I know, we're both married, so all of this is pretty wrong...but it's difficult to control that funny thing we call our heart. My emotions have been all over the place recently, as has my head. She's had a pretty big impact on me, unlike nobody has for more than twenty years.

 

Thanks again.

[DanZee]

As the Robot on Lost in Space use to say, "Danger, Will Robinson!" I would not trust her and it sounds like she's trying to wrangle you into an affair that you will regret and would endanger everything you have. Control your emotions and stay away from this woman.

[hansolo123]

Hi everyone

 

I'm looking for advice/thoughts on a strange thing that's been bugging me for a few days regarding a new(ish) and seemingly good friend. It's a complicated one so I'll start at the beginning.

 

I'm a driving instructor, have been for nearly twenty years (I'm 42). Normally, when folk pass their driving tests, they get a friendly "well done" and "drive safely." I occassionally stay in touch with ex-pupils on Facebook, but beyond that there's usually no further communication unless they come back to me because they know someone who wants to learn to drive.

 

In March this year I started teaching a lady who passed her test a week and a half ago. As our professional relationship developed we became good friends, though around six weeks ago I realised I'd started to develop feelings for her. We've both been married for ten years and both have children. She's 12 years younger than me.

 

We agreed to stay in touch after she passed her test and met for coffee a few days back. She gave me a lovely present and card to say thank you. In the card she'd written a lovely poem, four verses, as well as a touching thank you note. The poem was gorgeous; I had a lump in my throat reading it. I read it privately, after we'd met, and messaged her later to say thank you, and how much the poem meant to me, her thought and time and consideration.

 

She replied it came from the heart, that she didn't know how I'd react, and was glad I liked it.

 

Now I'm into poetry and writing generally, have been a good while, and something didn't quite sit right. I wondered if she'd actually written the poem as her use of language in conversation didn't quite match the lovely verses. I felt guilty at thinking like this but decided to google the opening lines of the poem.

 

Before I did that I asked her if she fancied attending a "poetry for parents" class. She said she'd love to but couldn't; the evening classes make it impossible for her to attend because of her children. Her husband works nights and so that made sense. When she messaged me that she couldn't attend, she did so with regret. She said she'd love to do something like that, and that she'd written poetry since school and still does so now.

 

On googling the poem from my card it popped up online pretty quickly. I was disappointed, being a writer, that she'd told me it came from the heart when it hadn't.

 

So why did she do this? To impress somebody she already knew was into poetry/writing? Embarrassment?

 

Further, I'm wondering now if she's being honest about writing poetry since school. If she is (being honest) then she'd know not to pass that work off as her own. Which suggests perhaps that she's not being truthful about this love of poetry, which begs the question: why tell me she is? Is she trying to impress me.

 

If she is I'm flattered, but also confused. If she has feelings for me in the way I have for her...but she's trying in some way to communicate this by fibbing...

 

Confused. Lots.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

And yes, I know, we're both married, so all of this is pretty wrong...but it's difficult to control that funny thing we call our heart. My emotions have been all over the place recently, as has my head. She's had a pretty big impact on me, unlike nobody has for more than twenty years.

 

Thanks again.

 

I will be very honest, according to Cognitive Dissonance you are trying to rationalize actions of your female friend, which might mean nothing. Cognitive Dissonance is the process where an individual will try to convince himself that the other persons(the girl here) actions are consistent with your feelings, where in fact she might not mean it at all.

 

Basically, you have feelings for her, and whatever she is doing, you are assuming she is doing it for you, in order to justify your feelings you try to feel like she is giving hints to you, that she also has feelings for you etc. This might or might not be true.

 

Anyways, if she really likes you she wouldnt lie to you about that poem. She could have at least written a below par poem for you than just copy poem from internet and lie to you so blatantly. Anyhow, if she is a woman of substance, she would never fall in love while being married to another person, at least not until she gets a divorce. If she is not a woman of substance, she will definitely leave you in future for a more better looking man. Why deal with such a woman?

 

And its completely wrong to do this when you are married. If you are not happy in your marriage, talk to your wife and get counselling or divorce before you hit the dating scene again.