Alone

[TemporalPariah]

Close your eyes now and be safe. You can leave your worries and your pain at the door.

Close your eyes and know that I'll be here when you open them again.

Rest now and take a breath of relief. Your next step in this world won't be alone.

No matter what lies ahead, I will be strong when you need me to carry you.

Because I know I couldn't go on without the hope you provide me.

 

Close your hand around mine. This world ain't no place to traverse on our own

Close your hand and know I will never let go again.

We've seen hell and felt pain, now we walk through unscathed

As we walk through the rain all our scars seem to fade

Proud and strong we will walk through the storm and the dark

As a beacon of light in this life, together we stand tall

 

____________

 

Yeah, I felt like writing that down.

 

I'm getting more and more certain that I'll always be alone. I've never experienced the feeling of being in a relationship. I used to want it, I fell in love several times and it always ended up utterly disappointing. But by now I'm not quite a teen anymore and it's safe to say I've never been part of that "phase" where kids explore what it's like to be together. It went straight past me as I was "undesirable". Looking back, I get it. I had a childhood and I was, for the most part, just a traumatized kid no one really wanted to be around. This included my family.

 

Eventually I got a few good friends and I had a genuinely alright life, until quite recently. One of my best friends for years got into a relationship a few months ago and I haven't heard anything from him since. I've reached out, but they clearly don't need me in their life anymore. I'm not going to force myself on to anyone, but today I have this sensation I haven't felt in a long time. I'm truly on my own again.

 

I wouldn't say I'm an unlikeable guy. In fact, whenever I do meet people, it's fun for an evening, we joke, drink and have a good time, but that's it. The evening ends and we part ways as strangers. I have great memories from random encounters that were just what I needed to jumpstart that hope again, that I, too, might eventually find a more intimate friendship. And a few months later that hope fades again. I really do want a buddy for life, someone to look forward to meeting again every time. Someone to share with, to have their back when they need me to, knowing they'll have mine as well. That sense of belonging that seems to be hardwired in us all as human beings. I'm just at a loss now because that hope just feels like an impossible dream to me.

 

You know that movie, the 40 year old virgin? That's going to be in a few years, but this isn't some crappy Hollywood movie and not everyone gets their happy ending. I don't see a way out of this one. I mean, I'm not one to give in to desperation, but I genuinely don't see another option. I used to go out frequently and I still do from time to time. I honestly do try to meet people, it's just not working out. Or at least, it has yet to result in anything other than heading home alone again, without having had so much as a good chat. I don't know what to do. As a 29 year old guy, "hitting on a woman" just makes me look like a creep, so I don't anymore and that means I'm where I'm at right now.

 

I tried online dating sites, but the only messages I get are from fake accounts.

 

At this point I'm open to suggestions. I feel like I've exhausted my options and nothing I try gets me even a tiny bit closer to the life I want as much as anyone else. I don't want sex dates and I'm not trying to get laid. All I want is a shot at what seems to come naturally for everyone I know. I'm not some kind of "dream date" and I'm not that special someone you've been waiting for. All I am is an honest, well intending lad who just fails to get anywhere in life despite all my intentions and despite anything I've tried and probably will try for a few more years.

 

Despite it all seeming utterly pointless, I've been fighting for a good life of my own, but eventually you grow tired of failure after failure. I'm not sure I can go on like this for too much longer. Life is looking more and more pointless as I'm slipping back into loneliness. When I'm finally done, I'll make sure to disappear quietly. Get this, I don't need pity and I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I don't want a charity pet on the shoulder and I don't want another bit of pointless advice. I have heard a few too many times that everything will be alright and I'll just need to go on and good things will come my way. You can only fake comfort someone for so long and eventually they will stop believing it. I'll give myself 2 more years. If by new year's night, 2019 I'm still where I'm at right now, that's it. Until then I will keep trying and I'll keep that vain hope that I might just find my own happiness to share with someone amazing. I will go to parties, festivals and bars and try to meet people as I've been doing for the past years. Hopefully it won't come to drastic measures, who knows, maybe even I will find the comfort we all desire.

[Raize]

From my experience, all the negative feelings of being alone are by far at their worst whenever it was at a time involving unrequited love towards someone. In the recent few years, I've not met anyone who has made me feel anything special towards them. I occasionally meet women through my line of work who I find attractive, but never take anything further than friendly conversation.

 

My strategy to deal with staying single and not feeling too sh*tty about it has been to just 'ignore' the dating world, and keeping myself occupied with the things I enjoy doing. Luckily being single long-term is evidently a lot easier when being the 'lone wolf' type who enjoys solitude much of the time, as I do.

 

Admittedly, much of the sad feelings of being alone have bubbled back to the surface recently when two good friends on two separate occasions have told me I should be dating, am (in their words) a 'good looking guy' and deserve a decent woman in my life. That, coupled with turning 35 recently, have put me back in a situation of assessing my life and where I'd like it to go. Short answer: I have no idea, except to say wherever I feel content as I can be, I suppose.

 

One thing I can say for absolute certain is - I'd much rather stay single than end up in an unhappy, emotionally taxing relationship!

[EtrnalOptimist]

One thing I can say for absolute certain is - I'd much rather stay single than end up in an unhappy, emotionally taxing relationship!

 

It can also be said the best way to never do anything wrong is to never do anything.

 

Reminds me of a good friend of mine in his late 20s / early 30s. He was successful, lived in a nice pad in central London and drove a Porsche. But he was miserable. He'd never had a relationship, and felt completely alone. A feeling magnified by the dwindling number of friends he had that were single. I don't know if he gave up on dating, but one day he told a girl at work he liked her. Seems she liked him too and they were living together inside of a year and still together 4yrs later.

 

Sometimes, the best things happen when you least expect. Don't block the path to them happening!

[TemporalPariah]

To be honest, I really did think I moved on from feeling alone. I got to a point where I just want to live a fulfilling life with enough hobbies to distract entirely from the feeling of being single.

Usually I pull this off quite well, but recent weeks have been very uneventful. Now with upcoming holidays, there's just always a particularly crappy time where reality smacks me across the face a couple of times.

Everyone I know at this point has found their special someone, the sole exception being myself. I'll be spending my winter solstice with a few beers and some good weed, but most certainly on my own.

 

I guess even after all this time, part of me wants that life that seems to be out of reach for me.

[Raize]

It can also be said the best way to never do anything wrong is to never do anything.

 

Reminds me of a good friend of mine in his late 20s / early 30s. He was successful, lived in a nice pad in central London and drove a Porsche. But he was miserable. He'd never had a relationship, and felt completely alone. A feeling magnified by the dwindling number of friends he had that were single. I don't know if he gave up on dating, but one day he told a girl at work he liked her. Seems she liked him too and they were living together inside of a year and still together 4yrs later.

 

Sometimes, the best things happen when you least expect. Don't block the path to them happening!

 

Kudos to your friend for taking a chance and ending up with someone who he's happy with. I think people who are suited for relationships end up in one, sooner or later. It's just how it is.

[Raize]

To be honest, I really did think I moved on from feeling alone. I got to a point where I just want to live a fulfilling life with enough hobbies to distract entirely from the feeling of being single.

Usually I pull this off quite well, but recent weeks have been very uneventful. Now with upcoming holidays, there's just always a particularly crappy time where reality smacks me across the face a couple of times.

Everyone I know at this point has found their special someone, the sole exception being myself. I'll be spending my winter solstice with a few beers and some good weed, but most certainly on my own.

 

I guess even after all this time, part of me wants that life that seems to be out of reach for me.

 

Sounds like you're in a similar conundrum to me, except replace the winter solstice with summer, and the weed with tea & iced coffees.

 

I'm in no position to give you dating advice given my track record, but sometimes it's good to speak to someone in similar situations on how they deal with it. Not that I want to dwell on the negatives, but I find it difficult to talk to my own friends about this, as they've all had a wealth of relationship experience.

[Zippy2000]

I'm getting more and more certain that I'll always be alone. I've never experienced the feeling of being in a relationship.

 

I feel you and you are not alone. Pardon the pun. I'm 43 now. Ive only ever been in a relationship once lasting only up to 12 months. This was back in 2005. I was lucky I met her as it was the start when internet dating was becoming popular. Before that I had always been alone. This wasn't through lack of trying but girls who would reject me after asking them out would get all upset, or act all awkward. I lost 7 years of my dating life when one girl I knew for 2 years. I decided to give a Valentines card to refused to speak to me and blanked me after I gave her a card.

 

That affected me so much I never asked out a girl for 7 years. Yes, 7 years! I was frightened every girl I asked out would act the same and instead of gaining something I was worried I was creating enemies and losing friends. I was made to feel awkward and a creep by someone else who couldn't handle being asked out.

 

Ive been on and off internet dating for the last 10 years. Out of all the dates I ve had. I ve managed to get 1 mini relationship. All the others have been timewasters and flings that aren't worth mentioning. I now believe people online don't know what they are looking for or when they do try to date you. You aren't often given a chance to get to know them well enough to show who you really are.

 

It gets hard for me when I work all week and don't have a partner to do things with over the weekend I mean you can only go to the movies, restaurant or go away on weekends by yourself so often. I'm a bit worried for being alone now as most of my friends have paired off and I m the one who is still single and alone. I hate spending time in my flat so I try to go out and meet any of my single friends who are available but you are right. After a few hours together or drinks and when the fun dies down. You back to an empty place. Its like bac to square one.

 

OP you are only 29! Get out there Join a club, a internet social group, Meetup or try internet dating. You are the master of your destiny. Go out in the car and find a new place. Travel and develop yourself.