Trying to understand what she really wants, hot and cold

[TommmP92]

My ex and I broke up just over a month ago, I originally left her for another woman but then quickly took her back soon after I realised how much I loved her. But then a couple of weeks later drama hit and she went very distant and very cold.

So the last month started with my own excruciating heartbreak, she kept saying she needed time and space making it sound as though we could get back together eventually. Once I sorted myself out I didn't contact her but I got quite a few messages from her and gradually they became more and more happy and flirty again. She rang me a couple of days ago telling me how much she loves me and misses me and makes her happy but she's seeing someone else (rebound surely?) She continues to contact me and says she wants to see me and flirts with me but then will go cold again. I love her more than anything and she loves me too but I don't know where to go from here!?

[pippy longstocking]

she loves me too

 

I don't want to add to your heartache darling , but she might love you on some level but she isn't in love with you or she wouldn't be seeing someone else and that really is the top and bottom of it .

 

What you are doing right now is giving her a back up plan and the comfort of familiarity , with the added bonus of attention ( which is why she flirts) Allowing this to happen will not bring her back .... it takes away your dignity and leaves you in a very bad place , the best thing you can do is stop all contact and start to get over her ......believe me , if she thinks she had made a mistake she will soon be back for you .

[SweetGirl28]

Looks as if she's giving you a little payback for what you did.

And because you stopped contacting her, she's wanting your attention.

She's playing you. This isn't love. This is immaturity.

Don't reply to her anymore. when she no longer has you, she might dump the guy and be back.

[Jillstrand23]

My ex and I broke up just over a month ago, I originally left her for another woman but then quickly took her back soon after I realised how much I loved her. But then a couple of weeks later drama hit and she went very distant and very cold.

So the last month started with my own excruciating heartbreak, she kept saying she needed time and space making it sound as though we could get back together eventually. Once I sorted myself out I didn't contact her but I got quite a few messages from her and gradually they became more and more happy and flirty again. She rang me a couple of days ago telling me how much she loves me and misses me and makes her happy but she's seeing someone else (rebound surely?) She continues to contact me and says she wants to see me and flirts with me but then will go cold again. I love her more than anything and she loves me too but I don't know where to go from here!?

 

Tell her she can't date you until she breaks up with her guy.

[HeartGoesOn]

Not to sound harsh or judgmental, but you're not the victim here, she is. I'd attempt to see this from her side, and understand how devastating this was for her.

 

Either way, it appears the relationship has run it's course...Sorry.

[TommmP92]

Thanks for the replies, you really do see things through rose tinted glasses when you love someone. I will not give her the attention she craves and be less available to her. Hopefully she'll realise what she's missing. I know I screwed up originally and I know I deserve to pay for that. But honestly I love her so much, it's taken over my life, just hope it's not too little too late

[Ziggy123]

Sounds like you hurt her and she is confused any maybe trying to get back at you

[Ziggy123]

Even if you got back together would it really work? It would never really be the same anymore and the trust would be gone. Maybe it's just better to move on.

[TommmP92]

She's just messaged me saying she'll come over for wine and pizza this week. Like what the hell do I say to that? See what happens and say that I want her back?

[Tomthumb88]

In my opinion the door is open. Tell her how you feel about her and that you want to work on things.

[Jan2728]

In my opinion the door is open. Tell her how you feel about her and that you want to work on things.

 

Yes as someone else said try to see it from her perspective you left her for someone else?!

Can't hurt to be honest about what you want now when you see her for wine and pizza. But if she doesn't want the same, maybe some time apart would help.