Struggling to deal with my girlfriends issues..

[Saultyotter]

I have been with my gf for nearly 2 years and we were friends for many years before we got together. I didn’t know about her mental health problems when we were friends however she was very open with me from the start of our relationship that she suffered from anxiety and bulimia. She was attending counselling for them both and although it could be difficult at times we managed to make the relationship work. We both used to party and use recreational drugs quite frequently. Last year she started having seizures. Sometimes after she’d use drugs other times when she’d panic. The doctor diagnosed her with non epileptic attack disorder. I was adment that the drugs had to stop. She wasn’t happy about this as she’d always identified with being a ‘party girl’ but eventually she did. I do have my suspicions that she would still do them though and recently she told me that she did mdma on a night out. Nothing bad happened.. however a few weeks before this she told me how she felt mentally unstable and had a voice in her head telling her to starve herself. A week or so later she started making herself sick again..

 

Do I have a right to be angry that she has started taking drugs again? Unfortunately a lot of our social circle still like to party and use them. Am I wrong for trying to change her? I’ve told her previously that I’ll always help and support her but I really don’t think class a drugs will do anything but negatively impact her conditions. She’s been to the doctors about feeling low again but states she’s no where near as bad as previously but felt it was a waste of time. Her erratic behaviour has put immense strain on our relationship and we’ve been arguing a lot recently. I just don’t know what to do. I’m in my 30s now and just wants be in a healthy stable relationship. There are no kids involved and we don’t live together but I guess this would be the next step for us and I feel like we’re a million miles away from it. I just don’t know what to do. If I walk away will it be mistake? She has her faults but she’s also a great girlfriend whom I love very much.

[rosephase]

While I think it's an individuals choice on what drugs they do or don't do. I couldn't stay. You know that in the long run MDMA is causing her to be less emotionally stable. It's all highs and lows. If she's more attached to the highs then to her own emotional and physical health and safety? I couldn't stick around. It's to hard to watch someone you care for make choices to make their life harder. And as a partner (someone who is supposed to be there for support and comfort during difficult times) I would feel taken advantage of. Why should I work so hard to support someone when they aren't willing to support themselves?

 

Is her erratic behavior all around going out and party drugs? Has there been periods of "stable healthy relationship"?

[Saultyotter]

She suffers from anxiety and there’s been periods where she has erratic behaviour when she hasn’t been taking drugs. The relationship although has its goo moment I found it to be up and down rather than smooth sailing. She’s not in a great place at the moment and whilst I want to help her get better I worry about our future. I also worry about what would happen if I wasn’t around as I seem to be the main person she turns to during bad times

[Wiseman2]

Perhaps she needs the services of drug rehabilitation and other various therapies. Helping can actually enable her dysfunction. Be a bf, not a therapist.

She suffers from anxiety and there’s been periods where she has erratic behaviour when she hasn’t been taking drugs. I also worry about what would happen if I wasn’t around as I seem to be the main person she turns to during bad times

[ThatwasThen]

Why would she not tell you about her condition and issues before agreeing to be in a relationship with you? Keeping that from you seems somehow deceitful to me.

 

In any event, you can't fix her and if she won't quit doing recreational drugs when it's a deal breaker for you then break the deal. I'd break up with her for sure if she wasn't willing to go to therapy to discuss her issues with someone THAT can fix her (hopefully).

[SweetGirl28]

If you truly love her, you need to impose tough love.

Ultimatum. Stop or you're done.

 

She needs help which you can't provide her. And you'd also need to stop.

You can't expect her not to use, and then you do.

 

Best thing to do us separate and both get clean. Then maybe you can revisit the relationship.

Right now, you're just enabling her.