itsmehaha Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 hi everyone so i dated my boyfriend for 2 years at the start of the relationship he was absolutely amazing to me but at the end he started changing he could go for weeks without contacting me,he would tell me he was going through a lot and not let me in what it was...i knew it was work related. i would be upset about that and it wouldn't bother him,didn't even care to contact me and that bothered me because i know if the situation was reversed and he was upset i would do everything to get a hold of him. so it was small things that bothered me until 2 weeks ago. when a friend of mine joined a dating app and she found him on there with a very informative profile.my friend messaged him and asked him why he is on there. he than answered back and said that if he joined his friend would get more swipes and his friend made the profile. i messaged him and confronted him about this and all he said was the same thing. we did not speak for a 2 weeks until yesterday. he messaged me on every social media,email and messages that he knows i use and apologized. he apologized about treating me in such a way for these past months,for embarrassing me in front of my friend,for being a bad boyfriend.he than explained how he hasn't been on his best mind these past month but how that shouldn't be an excuse,how much he loved me and that he wants to do better. so my question is what do you think i should do? i have no one to turn to. I'm truly confused and frustrated because i do love him. i just need other peoples opinion on the whole situation Link to comment
Jan2728 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Please clarify, when was the official break up? When he was on the dating site, were you still together? Thank you. Link to comment
itsmehaha Posted November 22, 2017 Author Share Posted November 22, 2017 yes,we were still together when he was on the dating site and we never officially break up we just stopped talking and went on with our lives after i found out he was on the dating site and had a stupid excuse for it. Link to comment
Jan2728 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 That's what I thought. I am a romantic and when I read your title, my first thought was simple, if you love him, take him back. But after reading your post, I honestly have to say I believe he is playing with you. He has been out of touch too long on too many occasions. If you want him back, agree to see him only if he is taking you out, to a nice lunch for example (and do not go to either of your places after, just dates, no sex yet) and take it very slow. Good luck. Link to comment
itsmehaha Posted November 22, 2017 Author Share Posted November 22, 2017 thanks for the reply. Link to comment
Keyman Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 The absences, lack of communication and dabbling on dating apps would suggest that he has likely checked out of the relationship and is looking for new opportunities. That he wants you back would suggest that he has not found another opportunity yet, and so wants to keep your around until he does. We hold onto this concept of love being a valid reason to keep hold of someone who has mistreated us because we are scared of change or being left alone. This is not to say that you should not continue seeing him, but be aware that he created this distance for a reason and just because he 'wants you back' doesn't mean that he wont again realise why he headed down that path in the first place. Proceed with caution. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Sorry to hear this. However, don't make anyone a priority who treats you like an option. Do you suspect his promises to change are in order to hook up?he could go for weeks without contacting me Link to comment
itsmehaha Posted November 22, 2017 Author Share Posted November 22, 2017 thank you. i needed to hear that and its making me think that I'm just an option and thats one thing i don't want to be. maybe it would be better if i moved on.. but than once i think like that I'm back to remembering how much i love him than I'm back to square one again. Link to comment
itsmehaha Posted November 22, 2017 Author Share Posted November 22, 2017 i have no idea what his intentions are but he did say "if you give me a chance i will make up for my ty ways and be a better man for you" Link to comment
EternalOptimis Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 The absences, lack of communication and dabbling on dating apps would suggest that he has likely checked out of the relationship and is looking for new opportunities. That he wants you back would suggest that he has not found another opportunity yet, and so wants to keep your around until he does. We hold onto this concept of love being a valid reason to keep hold of someone who has mistreated us because we are scared of change or being left alone. This is not to say that you should not continue seeing him, but be aware that he created this distance for a reason and just because he 'wants you back' doesn't mean that he wont again realise why he headed down that path in the first place. Proceed with caution. Read Keyman's post again He's no good for you girl. You need someone who respects you more. Link to comment
Jan2728 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 Great! I suggest you hold him to this IF you decide to give him a chance. It might be best for you to move on but only you can decide that. Link to comment
Jan2728 Posted November 22, 2017 Share Posted November 22, 2017 ^^^^^^^^ that was to where you said he said he'd be a better man for you. Link to comment
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