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Need Dating Help...


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Ok, this guy and I have been seeing each other, once a week to every week and a half for about 3 months now. He did a mult-country Europe trip for a few weeks where we didn't talk and I thought if he didn't like me, it would have been a good chance for him to ghost me if he wasn't actually interested, but he messaged me the morning after he got back and we went out the following weekend. So I think he likes me.


I really like this guy, like more than I have liked any guy since my ex. The thing is, my last breakup wasn't great. My ex and I had been together for almost 4 years and it turned out he had been cheating on me for 4 months and broke up with me for the girl he had been cheating on me with. I feel like I'm much less confident and much less sure of myself with this new guy as a result. And add onto that the fact that I've never done the whole 'casual dating' thing, I've always been in a serious relationship since I was a teenager (I'm 29 now).


Every time he takes more than a couple hours to text back or if we go a day without him texting me I feel nervous and then I get excited when I do hear from him. I'm trying to play it cool and not message him too often or not double text too much but I just feel super lame. I don't know if it matters, but he asked me out on the first couple of dates and I've asked him out for the next few.


Also, when we first starting seeing each other we talked about what we were looking for he said he was just looking to go out and have fun and wasn't looking for anything but not not looking for anything, he just don't want to be disappointed if nothing happens. And I was kind of in the same boat, so we agreed that we would just go out and see what happens.


I don't know what my goal here is, maybe just, is it normal to not hear back for sometimes up to 12 hours? Or go a couple days without hearing from them? He's pretty nerdy, based on some of our conversations I know he's had girlfriends in the past but not for a while so I don't know if that matters, like he doesn't seem to have a lot of experience either (though that's just my impression).


And is it too soon to think about being exclusive? Not changing our facebook status or anything but just not seeing other people? Or is that something you wait to happen naturally (especially since we already talked about the whole' what are you looking for' thing)?


And how do you know if a guy actually likes you? Like is it weird that I'm always the one asking him out?


I should note that this isn't first guy I've dated since my ex and I broke up, it's just the first one that I really like. How do people do this? I just feel like everyone knows all the rules to dating and I have no idea what I'm doing or what is normal. I feel really lame asking this but any advice would be really appreciated (please be nice to me)!

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Well, yes, guys will text you back when it's convenient to him. He's not going to drop everything he's doing just to answer a "whatcha doing" text. You wouldn't have done well 20 years ago when the best thing you could do is call someone and leave a message if they weren't home and have to wait a couple of days for a call back. So just calm down. You agreed to a casual relationship but you're not acting like it is a casual relationship. You might actually want to look around for a guy who wants a serious relationship if that's what you're really looking for.

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