Can’t move on from ex after a year

[Eveyrobertson]

I broke up with my ex almost a year ago and have still been struggling to let go. We dated for a little less than a year and a half. For the most part, we had a wonderful relationship and rarely fought. He was a perfect boyfriend and made me feel more loved than I ever have. There were however uncertainties along the way on my end because I was never sure if I could see a future with him for my own reasons. He often felt this doubt from me and I know it took a toll on him, always feeling like he had to prove himself to me. After experiencing a lot of uncertainty and anxiety the past couple months we were together, I finally decided to ask for some space. I still loved him and wasn’t ready for things to end but I really feel like I needed to take a step back and figure out if this was what I wanted.

 

I know how selfish this sounds and he told me didn’t know if he could wait for me. I told him I understood and knew it was not fair to him but I thought things would eventually work out for us again despite it all. I should also mention he is the most sensitive person I’ve ever met, and had extreme trust issues in the beginning due to past relationships. For months I told him I did not want things to end for us but he said I shattered his heart and he did not feel comfortable reentering a relationship. However he also said he would always love me and never let go but he just wasn’t ready to come back.

After going back and forth about it for months, we eventually had NC for about a month and a half. I missed him immensely and decided to reach out one last time telling him how much I loved him, thought about him and missed him and that I couldn’t stop hoping we’d find our way back to each other. He told me that he had been trying to move on and he couldn’t hear me say I still love him and to please respect his wishes to be left alone. I was absolutely devastated by this and knew I had lost him for good. It’s been 6 months since this happened, we haven’t spoken and I don’t know if we ever will again.

Even after this all, I think about him all day and cannot seem to let go of him. I have tried everything. I’ve lived with such fierce regret of losing him yet can’t seem to stop having this false hope that he will reach out again to give me another chance. During this time I haven’t been with anyone else at all and still have no desire for anyone but him. How do I move on from this? I’m so desperate.

[reinventmyself]

But you yourself are the one to feel the uncertainty and discontent to begin with.

You need to remind yourself your reasons for questioning and wanting space originally.

It plays a trick on our ego's when someone flips the script on us.

You essentially ended it. He is just reinforcing it. That's all.

 

My guess is if you got him back you wouldn't want him in the end. (because I've done this more than once)

He is the exact same guy you were involved with and had uncertainties about before.

 

I should also mention he is the most sensitive person I’ve ever met, and had extreme trust issues in the beginning due to past relationships.

My guess is this this reason you put some distance between you. I've been involved with this guy and you did the right thing.

If you are anything like me you are thinking. . if he only got over this everything would be perfect.

It doesn't go away. If anything you pulling away just reinforced his all ready over the top insecurities.

 

I wish I had a magic spell for you. I relate to your story.

What helped me was journaling and writing down everything that REALLY happened in the relationship and exactly why you questioned it to begin with. It helps keep things real and stops the idolizing of someone who you thought had potential but in reality didn't.

[rosephase]

You need to give it time. It's only really been six months. You broke up with him with the idea that you would get back together (in the future don't break up with people you want to be with) and it only hit home that getting back together wasn't going to be an option six months ago. You are in mourning. You move on by being kind to yourself and understanding that healing takes time.

[SweetGirl28]

This is like the "I wonder if the grass is greener on the side" that backfired on you.

You know why? Because you are feeling guilty and haven't let go.

Then you trying to get him back, only for him to reject you, stings.

 

Any guy with trust issues is a battle to deal with.

Most likely it was the main reason you questioned the long term potential.

Unless he were to get therapy. Those issues would still be there.

 

Remember why you doubted him. After time passes it's easy to forget and only remember the positive.

But you really need to move on, he made that clear to you.

[ShatteredMan]

Agree with reinventmyself. Journaling has helped me immensely during my recovery.

 

For me, when I look back and read what I wrote during my darkest times and moments of pain, I realize how far I've come and that by choosing NC, staying off of social media and not reaching out, I gave myself the space I needed to work through these issues and discovered how much stronger I am than I thought I was.

 

Also, when you think that you've reached a point of emotional stability and growth, go back and read what wrote and then write a letter to that person you were (or are today) as if you were giving advice to someone out here who is going through what you're dealing with.

 

When you've healed, you'll see what we're talking about. Its a little tough right now, but it will definitely help you.

[CandyKins]

It's been 6 months. That's brilliant because you have an opportunity to at least either to make amends or have a friendship with him. At 6 months he wouldn't have negative feelings for you anymore. But if you appear negative to him, he will not be interested in talking. Your job is to rebuild your relationship but with no expectations.

 

I am not giving you false hope to be together but either for now or least you can be on good terms with him. This will boost your self esteem and you will feel supported by a positive response.