hopelessheart Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 My ex and I have dated for 1.5 years and we recently got in a stupid fight over facetime that blew up into him breaking up with me. This was almost 2.5 weeks ago. The next morning he said he was sure of his decision and came over to talk about it, saying he had been unhappy and I was too demanding, etc. We haven't really had major problems except getting in fights when we are both drinking. We've talked about moving in together and spending forever with each other and are still very affectionate everyday. I have had a bit of anxiety lately so I have been dependent on him, and I realized that during our time apart. We left the break up saying we could talk in a few days but he probably wasn't going to change his mind. I texted him to talk and he said he was thinking of texting me too because he felt bad about the note we left things on - he was very cold during the breakup. We decided to meet at the end of the weekend but when that time came he blew me off saying he was busy. The next day he texted me saying hes really sorry for blowing me off & for all of this & has been a mess the past few days, even getting talked to at work about it. So he came over, told me i looked nice, hugged me and wouldn't let go for a few minutes then asked what was on my mind. and I told him that I realized I had been too dependent so I was working on doing things for myself and talking to a therapist about my anxiety. There are communication issues due to the drinking but I believe we can work on them. He said he came over thinking he was just going to apologize for how things ended but now he is confused and the past days apart were weird and he realized how dependent he is on me too. He doesn't know what he wants and said he wasn't necessarily unhappy but was just worried we wouldn't last forever. He doesn't want to lose me but isn't sure if I'm the one. We talked for a couple hours back and forth and even kissed a few times, held each other, and said we love each other multiple times. but he left saying he needs time to think about everything. That was now 8 days ago and I haven't heard anything since. Can I contact him if I don't hear from him soon? How much time is normal to think about things and is there any hope of him coming back? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 Getting into drunken fights IS a major problem. I would not contact him. He says he doesn't think you are the one, so that's enough to leave him be. I would also work on getting ahold of the drinking issue Link to comment
Jillstrand23 Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 DO NOT contact him. Ball is in his court. WAIT Link to comment
hopelessheart Posted November 7, 2017 Author Share Posted November 7, 2017 DO NOT contact him. Ball is in his court. WAIT It's SO hard. And I took it by the way we left things that he's going to let me know either way when he makes up his mind but now I'm worried I may never hear from him..I don't know how much time he needs to make up his mind one way or another Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted November 7, 2017 Share Posted November 7, 2017 If he ended it the ball is in his court to reconcile. He knows how you feel. You've made this clear. He's not sure how he feels and by his actions, he's not afraid to lose you. You might not hear from him. No one ever likes to sit across from their once was partner and give them reasons why they want out. If one of his concerns is you are too demanding, the last thing you want to do is contact him after he said he respectfully requested some space. You will only confirm the very thing he's concerned about. Most hope their silence gives others the unsaid message. Link to comment
mia500 Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 If he wanted to be with you he should've kept you in touch, not waiting. It's also completely possible to have puppy-love or the feeling that you love somebody. Loving for real is accepting every quality, good and bad and it doesn't sound like he's ready to be there 100% Link to comment
hopelessheart Posted November 8, 2017 Author Share Posted November 8, 2017 Thanks everyone. I know that the ball is in his court to contact me, but I also feel like I have a right to at least check in and know where we stand if it drags out for a while. Is there a certain point where it would be acceptable to contact him? He definitely left very confused and with things up in the air. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 Thanks everyone. I know that the ball is in his court to contact me, but I also feel like I have a right to at least check in and know where we stand if it drags out for a while. Is there a certain point where it would be acceptable to contact him? He definitely left very confused and with things up in the air. I still vote for giving him some more time. Consider an end date though. At some point, short of him falling of the earth you can call him and ask him point blank for the answer he promised you. Just be prepared to hear something you don't really want to and have the resources to support you at that time. At least you can close the door and move on. I get it, limbo is probably more painful than knowing the truth sometimes. But. . having said that, I would still give it more time. Link to comment
hopelessheart Posted November 8, 2017 Author Share Posted November 8, 2017 How much time do you think is reasonable? I thought 9 days would be more than enough but clearly not Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted November 8, 2017 Share Posted November 8, 2017 How much time do you think is reasonable? I thought 9 days would be more than enough but clearly not If you figure these conversations typically end up being all or nothing. You'll be asking him because according to you his time is up. I guess it all depends on whether you are ready to blow this out of water What happens if you ask and he says he still wants more time? Are you ready to hear the possibility that he's done? Because honestly if there was flicker of hope he'd be reaching out . . at least to make sure you are right where he left you. I don't mean to sound insensitive but it's a bad spot to be in. Link to comment
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