AQuietHope Posted November 4, 2017 Share Posted November 4, 2017 All I ever wanted was for you to tell the truth. I saw you staring at me when I sat with my friends outside of the dininghall, laughing and having fun, but I didn't acknowledge you because I knew you were just confused that I wasn't falling over myself for you. I knew the group made fun of me behind my back while you were there and you never once stood up for me- Yes, G**** told me. And I know that you would come back and tell me they wanted me when you knew they didn't. Yes, I would have been hurt, but it would have been better in the long run. I wouldn't have spent so much time trying to fix things with people who mocked me and never wanted me around. I could have found people who were kinder, and I did. I now have friends who tell me the truth, who don't make fun of me, who stay with me when I cry and love me on my bad days. You lied to me for so long, saying you were happy with me, that you didn't mind me talking to you, didn't mind me saying that I loved you, were looking forward to seeing me again. You even kissed me. I never thought anyone could lie while kissing someone and yet you did. You tried to make me doubt myself and you succeeded for a longtime, but what you did was abuse. You made me doubt my sanity, you made me think I was paranoid and that people in the group liked me when you knew I was right all along. And now you're lying again. You know what you've done, and you know that you have seen me, and I kept thinking that if I ignored you and your stares, you would stop, but you didn't. You came over towards me at COUP with some girl, which I don't care about, I want you to be happy and I want to believe you can change and truly care for someone, not just become infatuated and use them up. What I cared about is that you couldn't just let me be, you had to try to get a reaction and then deny it. I wanted you back for a long time, because you made me feel special for so long, and made me think you cared. After the abuse I suffered at the hands of my mother, I thought you would be there for me, would understand why I was the way I was, and love you anyways, or at least talk to me about it. I thought your family cared about me, and they made me part of your family- remember your mom talking about the tiara she wanted to wear on her wedding day, taking it out to have me try on? How she helped me dye my hair? How your dad gave me a nickname and how they invited me over for Thanksgiving since I couldn't go home to my own family? Now all I can see are the lies, and they have taken over the joy your family gave to me. Now I just want you to stop. If you can't tell the truth then stop playing with me, stop making me doubt my self. And don't say you thought it was obvious you weren't taking the relationship seriously- you pushed for us to live together and even talked about getting a pet. Either you really don't understand how serious you made it seem or you were in denial. You knew what waving meant, you knew what staring meant, you knew what acting like you cared meant. You knew what all of this meant, and you knew what message it would send. And you know you weren't doing it to be friends- After all, all of your exes are crazy, so why would you want to be friends with them? I gave you a chance to tell the truth, or to at least apologize, and you didn't take it. And I know that you'll continue staring at me, mocking me with your friends, and telling yourself that all your exes were crazy, because you can't even tell yourself the truth. I sent that email knowing you would reply with something like this though, but I didn't care. I had to try, because I cared for you, and wanted to believe you could change and grow with time, but I see now that you're still the same person as before. I let your lies infect me for so long that I started lying to myself and making excuses for you behavior. You broke up with me so you need to live with your choice or admit you messed up. Please don't talk to me again, unless you learn how to tell the truth- though, to be honest, I don't think that day will ever come. Link to comment
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