is adult entertainment like cheating or am I crazy?

[hockeyboy]

we all have our own beliefs and values. you cannot force someone to conform to you. neither you or him are right or wrong here, but rather see things differently. the two of you must either come to some sort of understanding or re-evaluate the relationship. remember, no relationship is perfect.

[Luciana]

I am going to be more practical:

 

one woman decided to fight her BF's porn addiction by letting him see her check out naked men's websites. Another started buying naked men''s magazines and "leaving" them in her bedroom.....

 

Fire with fire? It can make him wake up. If he doesn't care, then you shouldn't either.

[RayKay]

Alright, I'll bite on this post.

 

Personally, I don't think strippers are a big deal, as long as there is nothing BEYOND the stripping part...as in no lap dances, no extras, and such. I have been with men who go to strippers on occasion (for bachelor parties, or I dated men who also worked in Northern towns where the only bar had strippers so after work everyone went - male and female, or some who just went sometimes "because"). My partner recently went when he was travelling down in Orlando with his boss and a couple coworkers from another province. Yet on another day he opted out of going to "Messy Wrestling" (girls wearing almost nothing wrestling in whipped cream or something) with his buddies for a birthday party to come home to me (not that I had any idea until he came home, and never said anything about it!). It's not like I "love" the idea of him going, but I also don't really worry about it too much, I trust him 100% and know that when he did go in Orlando for example, it was also about the work bonding thing. They stayed a bit, and left. He told me it was rather boring all in all, as where they were you can't even drink (you can drink at stripper bars up here in Canada). I have been to strip bars too before, and really don't see the appeal myself, don't find them very exciting or sexy....so each to his own

 

We have talked about my feelings about strippers...and really like I said I just don't get very worried about it. I know he is head over heels for me, and absolutely committed to me, and finds me extremely attractive.

 

If I felt like he was shunning me to go look at strippers, I would have an issue, yes. If I felt like he was not listening to my feelings, I would have a problem with it. And I think that might be how you feel right now. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is a tricky situation - while to you it might not feel like that, it might of very well have felt like an ultimatum to him.

To him it might not even be about the strippers, but about the bachelor party, and the bonding with his buddies, so it comes accross as you limiting his life/friends.

 

The relationship should definitely be the concern, but we are exposed to possible temptations everyday, not just in form of naked bodies - granted some people are more likely to give in to these, but that is about their character and there is little you can do to "prevent" it in that case I think.

[Cecelius]

What healthy American man doesn't have some small desire to see strippers occasionally? It's like hunting, bulding houses and belching.

 

Actually, I agree with the post above about men and strippers. To a dude, the fact that they are live and in person in front of him is a tiny bit more real and exciting than in magazines or TV (unless he's not allowed to do that either). But they still are not really human beings.

 

Girls in bars are probably more dangerous, and more likely to cause dangerous thoughts, than a stripper.

[DN]

Well, vive la difference!

 

Romance novels promote romance, intimacy, closeness between a man and a woman.

 

Porn movies and books promote wild sex, sex with strangers and emotional detachment.

 

No wonder so much conflict between the sexes.

 

and yet a popular romantic movie 'Bridges of Madison County' promoted in almost exactly your words was actually about a woman committing adultery.

 

But that was not the point I was making - which was that both romantic novels, movies etc. and pornography are fantasy. And women who feel that their men are comparing them to the women in pornography think nothing of how their men might feel when they fantasise over Brad Pitt or Mr. Darcy. They would dismiss that as silly - but it is really no different.

[lovely lady]

I am not telling him what to do, please don't think that. I have never said that he can't do something or else... I am not his mom, because if I was that would be gross. Anyways, I really do trust him, I just don't understand why he feels that to be entertained at this party he should take part in this form of entertainment. He is also not going with a group of his friends. Remember, this is his friends brothers party. He will know his friend, his brother and father that is all.

 

I feel like it is my job to entertain him in this way not some stranger who he has no emotional bond to. He says that he wants to see attractive women entertain him, that it is like seeing a pretty women walking down the street. I don't know about you, but personally I have never seen a naked women walk down the street.

 

I have two more questions. First, if anyone (guy or girl) can explain to me why someone would want to see a women strip for entertainment only, that would be great because I just don't get it. Second, are there any guys out there that wouldn't go to this party when they have been dating someone for 4 years who so strongly disagrees with this form of entertainment.

[DN]

Perhaps you should ask yourself this question. Are you prepared to break up with him over this issue?

[Luciana]

My fiance knows how I feel about these places. He said he doens't really like the environment in this places (fake, money grabbing women).

So I feel relieved he feels like this. I wouldn't be with him if he went anyhow. I know there are many sensible, sensitive men out there who don't care for this stuff, and maybe went once when they were young and strupid and that's it. Once they find themselves in a good relationship they don't see the point of doing that and of jeopardizing what they have.

 

So I am lucky that my fiance doens't go to this stuff. And if he ever did, he would find me the next day dressed very sexy in some bar talking to some hot dude.....

[melrich]

Your first question was why would a guy want to see a woman strip for entertainment only? Of course many guys would want to see this, that is why there are so many strip bars and joints all around the world.

 

Your second question, are there any guys dating 4 years or more who wouldn't go if their G/f asked them not to? Again I think lots would not go. It depends on the reasonableness of the request, like any other request in a relationship.

 

I personally have nothing against guys seeing strippers. I am not into it myself but like your b/f I have been to the occasional batchelor party. My experience...after the first 10 minutes you don't even notice the strippers and you may as well be at any old bar having a beer.

 

If you really cannot live with it let him know and ask him to make the decision to go or not. I think just telling him he can't go may aggravate the situation.

[annie24]

So..... I'll throw in my 2 cents here...

 

I read this in a book a few months ago... (I don't know if it's true or not, but it's funny!)

 

The woman was upset that her bf was going to a strip club for his friend's bachelor party. Instead of complaining, she came up with a different strategy. She started dressing more and more provacatively, and started wearing more trashy makeup. Then, she told her bf that she was getting a job as a coat check girl at the local strip club. Because, after all, if it's the kind of place he thinks is good enough to hang out in, she decided it was good enough for her to work there too! Shortly afterwards, he cancelled his plans for the bachelor party....

[Luciana]

Unfortunately, with some more insensitve guys, you have to do the same to them so they can have some empathy to your feelings.

 

He reads porn magazines? Buy some one with hot men and leave the centerfold open on your bed. Will he enjoy the comparison?

 

He looks at P websites? Visit link removed (even if they are full of gay men) and make sure he knows you are doing that;

 

He checks out every pretty young thing that crosses his path when he is out with you? Start rubbernecking and checking out men's butts in an obvious way: let's see how he likes that lack of respect.

 

He goes to strip clubs? Go to a male one. Too bad that doesn't seem to bother guys, for some reason I will never understand. In that case, maybe you need to work in one your self (against your morals). So I don't have an answer to that one.

 

Anyhow, this is a joke, but you really have to think if you NEED to be with someone who is not listening to how you feel. For him it's important to have his kicks while knowing you will be home biting your nails?

 

I understand the male bonding thing Raykay talked about. Young men need that a lot it seems, moreso in this macho oriented country. But when men mature, they need that less. They can find other forms of male bonding that are healthier and won't hurt anyone.

 

He could always suggest they meet for a beer before the strip club, and then go home. There should be compromise. Men should lose this stupid fear of being p**y whipped. Whoever invented this term whoud be whipped! It is respect for your partner. She is not asking you to change your lifestyle for her. Anyhow, it all comes down to respect once again.

[lovely lady]

 

He reads porn magazines? Buy some one with hot men and leave the centerfold open on your bed. Will he enjoy the comparison?

 

He looks at P websites? Visit link removed (even if they are full of gay men) and make sure he knows you are doing that;

 

He checks out every pretty young thing that crosses his path when he is out with you? Start rubbernecking and checking out men's butts in an obvious way: let's see how he likes that lack of respect.

 

He goes to strip clubs? Go to a male one. Too bad that doesn't seem to bother guys, for some reason I will never understand. In that case, maybe you need to work in one your self (against your morals). So I don't have an answer to that one.

 

As Luciana suggests, I am planning on getting even with him. I have a very good guy friend that my boyfriend is a little...let's say he is put off by this friend. I will be going out with him the night of the party. I will of course, tell my boyfriend about this outting. Nothing will happen between us, I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend, and if anything did it would end our relationship very fast, which I really don't want to happen.

 

My goal: while he is at the party watching a stranger strip, I will be out with my friend. I then want him to have lots of fun while wondering how much fun I am having with this friend.

[Cecelius]

Going to a strip club once in your life is not a date, and is not cheating. Going on a date with a friend, alone, whether it bugs your b/f or not, is different, and worse because its petty and intended to harm.

 

Whether any of the fairly upright women on this thread who strongly disagree with strip clubs agree or not, most people do not think that looking at a naked woman is cheating ('cause its not that far beyond porn movies, or some R-rated movies -- if he watched Demi Moore's Striptease, he'd have bad taste, but is that cheating? No). I agree about lap dances or otherwise being cheating.

 

Strippers are not real girls as far as the dude is concered. They are no more real that college cuties he might walk past at the beach or otherwise (unless he's trying to pick them up).

 

If you think he will cheat, then you have a different problem.

 

But what I'm reading is very high maintenence, very insecure and very much about neutering these guys: people should not be required in a relationship to accommodate EVERY "need" that comes along.

 

If I were any of the men in question, I'd take a good, long look about the prospect of accommodation for the rest of my life.

 

The date with the friend thing alone would be enough to cancel the wedding.

[Luciana]

Cecilius, you really don't know how a woman's mind works!

You want to have your cake and eat it too.

 

You just don't understand that for a woman, having the man she loves go to a place where he will be next to a fully naked woman and imagining having S with her (don't give me this crap men that men wouldn't nail her if he the club's security allowed) is like cheating.

Women who don't care if their BF does that are:

 

1) Raised thinking that men cannot control their natural instincts and that a woman has to forgive all. Many had cheating fathers and saw the mother close her eyes;

 

2) Women who were brought up that a woman has to be good and please her man, no matter what it takes. That's why some wives agree to a threesome just to please their husbands, damaging their self esteems along the way;

 

3) Women who have bissexual tendencies (the ones who go with their BF's);

 

4) Women who are not jealous of their guy simply because they are not in love with them anymore.

 

Her going out with her guy friend is not bad at all!! She will not have S with him or touch him. He will be a friend giving her company since her BF was selfish enough to abandon her to see other women naked. it is much better than her staying home alone biting her nails and wondering how big the girl's tits are and if he is paying 20 extra dollars for a private show....Gross!

 

Thank God many guys understand the distress that porn and hookers cause to normal women. The ones who don't will be one of those 65 year old men who are found in these places oggling girls who can be their grandaughters while their old wives are knitting at home.....great future.

[hockeyboy]

Luciana,

 

I apologize if Im reading this wrong. But are you saying that any guy who goes to a strip club would have sex with those strippers if he could regardless if he had a gf?

 

If so, your completely wrong. Yes, some guys would do that, but those are the same guys that are going to cheat regardless. Many guys can see strippers and even given the chance will not cheat on their partners. I dont think it's fair to assume that all men who visit a strip club are cheaters.

[DN]

 

As Luciana suggests, I am planning on getting even with him. I have a very good guy friend that my boyfriend is a little...let's say he is put off by this friend. I will be going out with him the night of the party. I will of course, tell my boyfriend about this outting. Nothing will happen between us, I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend, and if anything did it would end our relationship very fast, which I really don't want to happen.

 

My goal: while he is at the party watching a stranger strip, I will be out with my friend. I then want him to have lots of fun while wondering how much fun I am having with this friend.

 

You are playing with fire - make sure you don't get burnt. Getting even is a fairly silly thing to do, especially by trying to make him jealous about a guy you know he doesn't like. If you feel you can't marry him because of this then don't marry him, that is your choice. But by 'getting even' you are highly likely to find yourself dumped very quickly. You may think it would be worth it to get even with him. If you do not, then I suggest you think again.

 

I would also suggest that Luciana does not speak for all women and can no more tell what goes on in 'women's' minds than can Cecelius. It is valid to say how you would react - it is unsafe to claim to speak for an entire gender.

[hockeyboy]

i think you also need to appreciate that he's being honest with you. he's not trying to decieve you in any way. if you keep acting the way you are he may decide to just hide things from you. bottom line, you either have to accept him for who he is or move on. just as he would need to accept you for who you are.

 

we all have different morals and values. we need to find someone who closely matches those values. we're not gonna be perfect, so choose your battles wisely.

[Luciana]

Hockeyboy, what you are telling me is a total surprise!

 

So you are telling me that a guy does not get aroused by a beautiful woman with a perfect body and face all naked near him?? So the whole time a guy is there he nevers gets an erection? I am genuinely surprised.

Because in my understanding, if does get aroused he would probably like to do her (as they say), right?

 

DN, ALL the women friends I have (and I mean all) get very upset with knowing their BF is going to that kind of place (the modern version of the old brothel). I know one who let her BF go but was very sad about it. The others don't let it happen and most of them (like me) are fortunate that their mates are not interested in that sort of environment. Basketball players are famous for haing out in those places, right?

 

Of course most of the women I know are over 30, smart and cultivated. The only young ones I know are my teenage daughter's friends and they hate that too. I don't talk to many rednecks and hippies and women with tattoos and piercing, so I can't really speak for them all. Even among the cultured mature ones, I am sure there are women out there that have a more liberal open mind about sex. There are many who enjoy swinging, P, etc. It is their right to think that way and it's whatever makes you and your partner happy.

 

I am for gay marriage, I am politically liberal, I am an atheist, but when it comes to morals I am firm. I know what makes me tick and my BF going to a place like that will not make me jump with joy.

 

My problem is when one wants something that will upset the other and insists on doing it. Maybe they are incompatible and have different values like someone here pointed out.

 

So, we need to respect that for some people this is a problem and not just tell them "get over it". Only Lovely Lady knows how she feels. Granted there are many women who feel exactly the same as her. Take a look at the last P threads on this website.

[DN]

Of course most of the women I know are over 30, smart and cultivated. The only young ones I know are my teenage daughter's friends and they hate that too. I don't talk to many rednecks and hippies and women with tattoos and piercing,

 

I think this quote tells us all we need to know.

[hockeyboy]

your ignorance is killing me.

 

So you are telling me that a guy does not get aroused by a beautiful woman with a perfect body and face all naked near him?? So the whole time a guy is there he nevers gets an erection? I am genuinely surprised.

Because in my understanding, if does get aroused he would probably like to do her (as they say), right?

 

when did i ever say he would not get aroused? when did i say that, please quote me. and actually, i speak for myself, i didnt ALWAYS get aroused by them when i went. Just because he gets aroused does not mean he would cheat on his wife. if you believe that then you are in for a whole new world. its not like a man gets an erection and then has to listen to it and do what it tells him to do. He is not a slave to it. An erection does not take away your free will, that is just absurd.

 

you call yourself "cultured" but from what i can tell you just discriminate against people who arent like yourself which is the furthest thing from cultured you can be. piercings and tattoos don't make you any worse of a person for example just as dressing in all designer clothes does not either. Perhaps you should stop judging people by how they appear and get to know them for who they are. For example, my friend has piercings and several tattoos...he also goes to church every sunday and volunteers his time with the youth, what do you think of that

[Beec]

I have two more questions. First, if anyone (guy or girl) can explain to me why someone would want to see a women strip for entertainment only, that would be great because I just don't get it. Second, are there any guys out there that wouldn't go to this party when they have been dating someone for 4 years who so strongly disagrees with this form of entertainment.

 

Do you really need to get it? Or can you just accept that he is not going to fool around? Can you just accept that this is a night out? Why does this bother you so much? Is it because he should never look at another woman? Most do that pretty much all the time, the good ones try not to get caught doing it by their women. Is it because you feel inadequate that he doe snot look at you this way?

 

I see a trust issue or some insecurity here. You need to trust.

 

And yes, I'd be one of the guys who went regardless to see an occasional stripper of my woman's wishes. She needs to trust me.

[CarrieB123]

So you are telling me that a guy does not get aroused by a beautiful woman with a perfect body and face all naked near him??

 

I have only read bit's and piece's of this thread, but I think you should maybe check out some of these strippers before posting such an outrageous lie like this... PERFECT BODY'S AND FACES, I dont think so!

 

Most times I think the strippers make men realize what they have at home and appreciate their women a bit more!!!

[hockeyboy]

Most times I think the strippers make men realize what they have at home and appreciate their women a bit more!!!

 

this is true, i have seen some god awful ugly strippers. you dont have to be a beauty to strip, thats for sure.

[hockeyboy]

Basketball players are famous for haing out in those places, right?

 

and what kind of absurd comment is this!?!? what exactly are you trying to say, please spell it out for me. i hope its not what him thinking.

[Luciana]

Calm down guys-nobody is going to take your freedom of checking out other T&As. It's a free world. Just find a woman who enjoys that too and you will be fine!

Maybe she will even encourage you to go....you may be that lucky.

And maybe one day when you get older and wiser you may find this kind of stuff stupid. People change, you know.

I really don't need to look at other penises-the one my partner has is just fine, thank you!