Allbymyself4 Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 I was together with a guy for two years, but we had a thing for one year before getting together. This guy was my first boyfriend, my first love and the first guy that I took home to my parents. He was my first everything, and took my virginity too. The first year, when we just had a thing, it was a lot of fighting between us, lack of communication and almost no trust. He believed in rumours about me, and talked about them everyday. I felt like everyone was against me, but no matter how hard it was, I still stayed with him and made sure that he would understand that the rumours are fake. He used to call me, yell at me, say the meanest things to me and even flirt with other girls just to make med angry. I literally cried everyday for about 6 months, but I still fought for him. I used to bring him gifts, call him all the time, and even cry just to make him stay with me. He left me 5 times during those 6 months. That evil sycle led to depression. I even lost a lot of weight because of it. Then one day, he left me again, and this time I let him – not because I wanted to, but because I didn´t have anymore energy to fight for him. 3 months later he came back. I gave him a new change and we were officially a couple. During the 2 first months of being together, I was afraid of telling him that I had two bestfriends that were boys. I lied to him about it because I didn´t want him to leave me again. But he found out, and after that he stopped showing me affection and love, he didn´t give me attention anymore. I decided to cut the two bestfriends out of my life, even if these two boys even were my childhood friends. I had no guy friends after that day, I deleted every guy on social media, but he still wasn´t satisfied. My depression got even worse after that, and he wasn´t by my side even if I needed him. I started to go to a psychologist, and he never asked me about my sessions unless I brought it up. I felt so alone and was not happy. I was always the one calling him, texting him and asking him to meet up. He never took initiativ, and he was always at the studio, making music, while I was home, crying my eyes out. He prioritized the music, and forgot about me. He also accused me of cheating on him, and he always said that I was so sceptical and mysterious – like I was hiding something from him. I felt like I always had to prove to him that I wasn´t. I suprised him with a hotel room, gifts, dinners and even dropped important exams because of him. But I got nothing back. During the winter, things just got worse. I was so tired and I didn´t even want to live anymore. I called him and cried about it, and he just yelled at me and said that I stood in the way of his music career. When he actually came to take care of me, we didn´t find a solution to the problem, he was there for me for about two days each time, and then he forgot about me again. My mom even started getting sick and developed depression because of hearing me cry in my room for 2 whole years. I didn´t even know that she heard me cry every night. She brought it up with my ex, and said to him that we really need to find a solution so that I could get healthy again. He perceived this as an attack and dumped me again. I got hysterical and started begging him to take me back. I got so angry with my own mother and accused her of ruining my relationship when she only was trying to help. We got back together again a few weeks after that, and before that I really fought to get him back. I used to go outside his house and sit there for hours till he was willing to talk to me. I called his mother, his friends and even him. During that time I started feeling very ill, and found out that I was pregnant – 10 weeks on the way. I booked an appointment at the doctor, but it wasn´t available until two weeks later. During those two weeks of wainting on the appointment, he dumped me 2-3 times. The first time he didn´t even know why he did it, the second time it was because I was on his facebook and saw him flirt with other girls. We got back together again because I fought for him – again. I took an abortion and he left me again and said that he was going to focus on his music. I was in such pain in 5 weeks because of the abortion, and no one knew about him except for him – and he wasn´t there for me. We got back together again after I begged him for another chance, and he left me again, after two weeks. He accused me of cheating and reasoned that with him having a bad feeling. We got back together again after that, and he left me again a month later. He reasoned that with him not having time, and said that he still loved me and that maybe we could be something in the future. He said I had to work on myself and get over my depression, he didn´t want to be the one helping me with it. I tought it was going to be us again, so I sat at home everyday and waited for him. In the meantime he had sex with a girl that I felt treathened by during the relationship, and the girl that he had talked about. He bought her food, made her feel special and gave her a lot of love, something he never gave me. I found out and confronted him with it, he lied to me and I believed it. But then one of my friends saw him in the city, hand in hand with the same girl. I got heartbroken and blocked him everywhere. During those three weeks of no contact, I was with another guy to get revenge, I partied a lot and was drunk all the time. But then we got in contact again, and we tried to make it work. But we had no trust at all, and the relationship was bad. I got dumped 3-4 times after that, and the last time we decided to start everything with a clean slate and make it work – again. This time he actually changed, and became the guy I wanted him to be for three years. He told me everything about other girls and was really honest, but I was not honest about the things I had done. He had left me 13 times during our whole relationship, and I even got pregnant again, so I was just afraid to be honest because I didn´t want him to leave me again. I lied to him three times, and then he dumped me again. I went trough another abortion, all by myself. I feel like it was my fault that the relationship ended. I shouldn´t have lied to him, but I was afraid. Afraid of being abandoned of the love of my life. I was mentally ruined, and lying to him felt like the best solution right then and there, but it ruined my chance of getting back together with him, and now I feel so guilty. I really need some advice from you guys, I know this was really long but I have been through a lot and I wanted to write down everything. What should I do about the situation? I am so lost.. Link to comment
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