Hotrod23 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Hi folks. I'm a 28 year old man and i've been seeing a girl that is 37 years old for almost 4 years now. We have had a very rocky relationship because she was married twice and both her ex husbands cheated on her. Thing is when we are on it's absolutely perfect, but when we fight it's very bad. She tends to believe everything that is said about me and she hasn't had trust in me almost since day one. She has brought a side of myself that i'm not proud of but when she starts accusing me of talking to other women, i block her on my phone and facebook until i am ready to talk again. She accuses me quite often. She even went as far as deleting a bunch of family friends and classmates on my facebook because i gave her my password to prove that i had nothing to hide. To make matters worse there were numerous fake profiles made to try and catch me up and she believed much of it. In January we had another blow up fight and it all came to an end. My pictures and information were used by someone to create a Plenty of Fish and Tinder account and screenshots were sent to her trying to make me look like i was talking to other women. She believed all of it and still does. We split, but have still seen each other off and one for almost a year now and even sleeping together. My family and friends no longer care for her because of the constant drama and trust issues and told us they don't want us together or around them. Two or three weeks ago she stayed the night and she thought she was pregnant. I am still in love with her and i missed being with her all the time and hated hiding it from everyone. I sent her flowers with a note that just said "I love you." I finally went to see a counselor and he didn't give me his opinion but felt i should tell all the important people how i felt about her and tell her what she means to me. Thursday of last week i told them how i felt and even though they didn't like it they accepted it because if she makes me happy then i should follow my heart. Friday she says she's going camping with her son and some old friends from school for the weekend and will be back Sunday. Sunday she comes home and i'm asking to see her when she throws out "We need to talk. I have some things i need to tell you and i need you to think about the things you need to tell me" We're supposed to meet later and she bails on me, but says Monday night. Midway through Monday she's barely texting or talking to me (which was unlike her but it was like that all weekend as well "because she didn't have service") and she sends me a long message saying she loves me and she wants me to continue seeing a counselor, but she can't do this anymore. I asked her if there was someone else and she responds with "if that helps you move on then yes". I was so hurt and upset i sent her every single photo of us (400+) to her email and deleted them, but only responded to her with a quotation of the last note from Noah to Ally in the Notebook. The day after she received a book i had purchased for her that only i knew about along with some other flowers i had sent over the weekend and a note that said "I can't make up for all the time lost but i sure as hell can try". She opened the book in front of her daughter and bawled like a baby. Yesterday she sent me her favorite memories of us and told me to please stop sending her things because she loves them, but it's never been about the material things. Today started out with me calling her to tell her good morning. Half way through the day she sends me a long message telling me she wishes i would just admit to creating the POF and Tinder accounts so she can try and forgive me. I have told her 100 times that i wasn't me and she still doesn't believe me. I love her to death and i even told her the other day i want to marry her and start a family with her, but no matter what i cannot seem to convince her that it's always been her and her only. Now she's seeing someone else and i don't know whether to just walk away or push harder to show her how much i want to be with her. It's like she knows she loves me but can't trust anyone or herself for that matter. I'm so confused and don't know how to move on from her when i'm still in love with her and i feel like she loves me too. Link to comment
Andrina Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 I skimmed over your post. You can't be in a relationship with someone who carries around heavy, useless baggage. You're doing the time for a crime someone else committed. Go no contact, mourn, heal, and when you're ready, seek a woman who is emotionally ready to be in a healthy relationship. Link to comment
glitterfingers Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 There's too much for you to deal with here at the moment. The only thing you can possibly do that is going to have a positive effect is to go no contact and give space and time a chance to heal things, and both of you the chance to learn what went wrong and how it can be avoided in the future (either with her or with someone else) She's seeing someone else so she may not come back to you, but the least you can do for yourself is to stop contacting her and do not respond to her, give yourself room to accept and process what's been going on, because this situation is mightily unhealthy and if ever there were another chance with her, there would have to be some major changes that need to start with you taking space to think about things now Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 Aren’t you the least bit curious how these fake profiles were created? Link to comment
caro33 Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 Aren’t you the least bit curious how these fake profiles were created? Yes, I have to say that that's what really jumped out at me. How did the profiles happen? I would be very sceptical if I was the girlfriend, baggage aside... Link to comment
Hotrod23 Posted October 23, 2017 Author Share Posted October 23, 2017 Aren’t you the least bit curious how these fake profiles were created? Extremely curious and I've done a ton of research to try to find answers to how. The only logical answer I can come up with is all of my accounts (Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Yahoo, etc.) all have the same email and password so if they got into one they got into them all. The only person that knew that though was my ex. Anyways there has been a revelation of sorts over the weekend with her. Friday night I told her I wanted to talk face to face but she said not tonight because her kids were home and their friends were over but I could call and we'd talk. I called and we stayed on the phone for 3 hours. She said she doesn't understand the POF and Tinder deal and she also said she felt like I didn't protect her in our years together. Admittedly I didn't do like I should have. She had some fights with friends and family and instead of showing my support for her I took their side and am now trying to show her I will never let that happen again. I even told them all how I felt about her the other night and told them their opinions were wrong. Saturday night I went with some friends out for some drinks and just let her have some space and didn't text her almost all night and she went out with some work friends as well. At about 10 pm she texted me just to ask me what I was doing and to small talk. 11 pm I went home and texted her to say goodnight I love you. Today she texted me a couple paragraphs from the book I ordered her and she openly said that our love was so much more than what they have in the book. I called her and we talked about a half an hour while she was at work. She told me that she had to stop reading the book because it was mentally destroying her. She also said that she truly believes I am the one for her but she doesn't know if she will ever trust me again. I promised her I was going to show her she could trust me again. I had written her 25 promises for Christmas and she always cherished them. Today I wrote her 25 more. It is extremely difficult for me to go no contact with her when for 4 years she is all I have known. I love her so much. I can't just let her go. Link to comment
Hotrod23 Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 The mixed signals continue. Yesterday she sent me the lyrics to Tanya Tucker's "Love me like you used to" and today she sends me a text saying: "We are not getting back together. Thank you for trying but it's too late. I wish you would've done this 10 months ago. We need to just be friends." I don't know whether to just throw in the towel and say screw it, leave her alone and let her figure this out on her own, or continue fighting for her like i have for the past few weeks. My heart tells me not to give up, but going no contact is extremely difficult when i still think of her as my best friend. Any advice? Link to comment
caro33 Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 When you say the only person who knew your account details was your ex, do you mean this woman we're talking about? Re your last question, I'd say that you'll leave her even though you want to keep trying, and she knows where you are if you feels differently. Then do not contact. I'm still struggling with the fake accounts to be honest. So someone sets these up and sent screenshots to her? Can you not get information about where these came from? Was there information online so that a stranger could know about her and her email account? Link to comment
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