My boyfriend constantly touches me.

[elleon82]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now and we are both in our early twenties. We see each other nearly every day and on those days we have sex at least once if not twice. It’s never necessarily forced but sometimes I just do it to keep him happy. I would say this happens only 25% of the time. We grew up on totally differently levels of affection in the family. His family has never really hugged him or said I love you while my family says this at least ten times a day. He has just recently been able to say this to me which is great. We have been through a lot as a couple. But the one thing that kills me if not turns me off at times is that he constantly touches me. When we are in public he is squeezing me against him and touching my boobs, butt and vagina over my clothes. When we are alone he does it more forcefully and applies more pressure.Almost every times he gets hard. But he doesn’t do this around his friends or family which is good. Sometimes it’s a turn off that even when we both get back from the gym or I’m walking up the stairs he is always touching my butt or slapping it. It’s the only physical attention I get from him so it makes me wonder what he really loves, me or my body? I have brought it up before but he gets spiteful and doesn’t touch or hug or kiss me for a full day. I don’t know how to tell him that’s it’s wxtremely obnoxious without him turning it around on me.

[reinventmyself]

Let him turn it around on you. You can choose to ignore his defensiveness and tell him in a matter of fact way that you are not a rag doll to fondle anytime he chooses. He needs to know the effect it's having on how you feel towards him. If he doesn't listen then you have another problem.

 

He's young and needs to be respectful of your boundaries.

He's not going to respect you if you don't respect yourself first.

Tell him how you feel about it.

[mia500]

I had someone like this before.. would not stop fondling me for the life of him. What's most important is that you stand your ground, don't let him make you feel like a prude because thats what mine tried to do with me. Let him know that you're not used to being touched sexually a lot of the time and would appreciate that he respect your boundaries. Don't make it casual, really sit down and let him know that it makes you feel disrespected.

[Giblesp]

You need to dump him, if you cant state your boundaries to your partner without feeling he/she will get obnoxious there is not trust or respect. You should always feel respected by a man. If not, remove him from your life.

[shellyf62]

Has this been going on for the whole 2 years?

[elleon82]

No just for the past 4 months or so is when it has gotten obsessive. I guess he wants to show me his affection and maybe sexualizing it is the only way he knows how

[LonelyPast]

. The take-away here is that men don't have a lot of physical contact in their lives and end up overcompensating for that when they have a significant other. This stuff doesn't get talked about much, but it's extremely important to the well-being of half the human race. We mostly just dismiss the poor behavior that many men exhibit regarding touch and sexual contact as poor decision making on the part of some individuals. We're even so brazen about it to think that we can just punish those individuals and "educate" the rest of us and then the underlying issue (unfulfilled need for human contact) will simply disappear on its own. This is one of the most short-sighted and underestimating opinions of our time. It's on par with Marie-Antoinette and the "let them eat cake" story (hint: ignoring the everyday needs of millions of people doesn't tend to end well). /rant

 

You mentioned that he didn't have a lot of touch in his childhood and family life. I'm pretty sure he's letting that out now that he feels comfortable being around you. Not allowing him to touch you at all would only make the issue worse. I'd have a serious talk with him about redirecting some of that pent up energy into non-sexual touch. Let him know that being grabbed and groped all the time really takes the fun out of it for you and even makes you feel disrespected. Simple things like hugging, holding hands, and cuddling are still nice and often more appropriate. If you need less touch in general then let him know that, but shutting him off completely would be a recipe for relationship disaster.

[catfeeder]

Seeing one another nearly every day isn't exactly healthy for either of you. I'd consider carefully that we never get any time back to live over again, and if you're isolating this much of your focus on one person, you've lost a balance in your life that would have you expanding your scope of interests, social interaction and everything else you need in order to develop a healthy future.

 

The physical stuff is a symptom of a larger problem. Start with making some better choices about the amount of time you spend with this guy, and if cutting back on that is an issue, then decide on whether this degree of suffocation is something you'll want to keep in your life.

[abitbroken]

. The take-away here is that men don't have a lot of physical contact in their lives and end up overcompensating for that when they have a significant other. This stuff doesn't get talked about much, but it's extremely important to the well-being of half the human race. We mostly just dismiss the poor behavior that many men exhibit regarding touch and sexual contact as poor decision making on the part of some individuals. We're even so brazen about it to think that we can just punish those individuals and "educate" the rest of us and then the underlying issue (unfulfilled need for human contact) will simply disappear on its own. This is one of the most short-sighted and underestimating opinions of our time. It's on par with Marie-Antoinette and the "let them eat cake" story (hint: ignoring the everyday needs of millions of people doesn't tend to end well). /rant

 

You mentioned that he didn't have a lot of touch in his childhood and family life. I'm pretty sure he's letting that out now that he feels comfortable being around you. Not allowing him to touch you at all would only make the issue worse. I'd have a serious talk with him about redirecting some of that pent up energy into non-sexual touch. Let him know that being grabbed and groped all the time really takes the fun out of it for you and even makes you feel disrespected. Simple things like hugging, holding hands, and cuddling are still nice and often more appropriate. If you need less touch in general then let him know that, but shutting him off completely would be a recipe for relationship disaster.

 

I think its not the best route to "diagnose" him with something he can't help - because that puts her in the position of thinking that she needs to be 'more understanding" or put up with it. if he was holding her hand the whole time at the mall or kissed her forehead - than that would be okay -- but when you do things that are flat out not appropriate in a public place - such as groping that could definitely qualify as sexual assault if she was someone he didn't know -- or she did not want it which its getting to be that way -- that's way over the line and its not part of any lack of childhood affection - its lack of respect for HER. I wouldn't be surprised if she looked uncomfortable next time at the mall someone doesn't come up to her and ask if she is okay.

[Perrin83]

Seeing one another nearly every day isn't exactly healthy for either of you. I'd consider carefully that we never get any time back to live over again, and if you're isolating this much of your focus on one person, you've lost a balance in your life that would have you expanding your scope of interests, social interaction and everything else you need in order to develop a healthy future.

 

The physical stuff is a symptom of a larger problem. Start with making some better choices about the amount of time you spend with this guy, and if cutting back on that is an issue, then decide on whether this degree of suffocation is something you'll want to keep in your life.

 

After two years in a relationship, seeing each other daily should be done. I'd say that most people are living together by that mark, and some are already married.

 

It's possible to see your partner every day and still have a healthy social life.