My First Girlfriend Broke Up With Me A Few Days Ago

[deadoralive4]

Hey....I'm [19 m] my I guess ex ;( [18 f] broke up with me recently. She is/was....my first girlfriend and only love. And I don't know what to do, I don't want to die but I'm in so much pain. We met before she went to college and were together for a month before she left to go to college 12 hours away. It was hard but I loved her enough so the distance didn't matter. We would always have altercations and fight like children, and it got to the point where we "broke up" for a few days. But then she wanted to get back together. I basically had to convince her to get back and it worked, because I didn't think she really wanted it to be over,

Ever since then things were great, I realized my shortcomings and tried to never fight and let things go calmly. The days she broke up with me we were both tired or something on the phone I don't remember, we were talking about but I said something stupid and it hurt her, it wasn't my intention to, I didn't realize it was bad until I said it. (Somewhere along the lines of "I've had fantasizes about sex with other girls when I was horny but I'd never do it, guys think about those things it doesn't mean anything" after that she said something and hung up. My friends explained how dumb it was and I apologized sincerely. She didn't answer, I assumed she was a bit mad but busy because her parents flew to see her. After a day of my feeling like absolute and feeling depressed (because I have really bad depression, and this made things worse" she messaged me saying I can't-do this anymore. We talked on the phone about it, but she wouldn't budge.

 

She had a lot of problems like a lot. She was childish, stubborn, immature, not open to communicating, etc. But I loved her none the less and thought we could work on things to improve them. I kept saying it wasn't intentional and things were looking better since last time, I just slipped up once anymore, we're only human. She wasn't having any of this and wouldn't listen, I cried my eyes out asking her to let things work out. But she didn't and eventually hung up.

The only person I've ever loved so much just cut me out of her life. Just like this, my depression was always bad, but this is breaking me, I'm just crying like a little kid. I want things to work so badly. I don't like getting close to people or letting people in my life because I'm afraid of getting hurt. I would have never made something with her if I knew I'd be this distraught. I don't want to die, I'm not going to, but this pain hurts so much. She was busy a lot, but we always talked on the phone every day, in the end she said she can't anymore even though it was just one mishap. She says long distance killed her too and that she feels lonely. I don't understand, I felt that way too, but I would have waited as long as it takes to be with the person I love. After all this, it seems like all the words she said to me mean nothing, she never truly cared about me, loved me. She just wanted emotional support because she's very insecure and had no one when she went to college.

 

I just feel like I was toyed with, I gave her everything, my heart, my future, and she just threw me away like I was trash. I don't know how I can move on, especially with my mental crap I already have. She blocked me on snapchat but kept my number. She says it's over. I suggested that when you come back in 2 months for a week, we can hang out and revisit it the idea and she said "maybe". I don't know what the this means, should I wait around for her? Wil she comes back to me in a week or a day or a month like she always does? Or is this over forever. I can't imagine her being with someone else in that time, I'll break down. Will she move on like i'm nothing right away? Or when november rolls around will things work out again? She's very busy and hardly had any time for anything socially, so It's hard to imagine her with anyone else but I feel like she'll just start ing random guys or something, and that's what hurts the most, the fact that I don''t know the furute, or what. I just really need some advice, I'm so broken right now I can't think straight, or do anything productive, I don't want to sleep, or eat or do anything but cry. Any response or advice would help, sorry for being a whiny in this long post. Thanks

 

 

---------------Update. I wrote what I said above when it happened.

 

 

So I've been in constant pain, hardly eating, sleeping, or doing anything productive, everything has been feeling like too much effort, I just want the pain to go away and stop being a zombie. Yesterday she texted me "Hey" and then the next line was my name. I didn't respond last night. Today, A few hours ago she called me, I didn't answer either. I'm doing this because I know the no contact method, the problem is, will it really work on my specific girl? I asked my friends and they said to answer it and act unnaffected. At the time when she was breaking up with me I was crying like a , and telling her to give ma a chance, to work things out etc. I learned you have to basically be an alpha and at least look like you've moved on or actually try to and if they come back they come back right? So here's the very specific delema i'm in (It's messing me up bad). She called me again like an hour ago. She's insecure, and clingy, so yeah the no contact method personally for her, needs to be a shorter time frame, or else it will just make things worse. So I answer the phone, because it just happened and I didn't have time to think. But then what I said I think t me over even worse.

 

I said "Hey" and she said, "Why are you ignoring me?" (At this point it makes no sense why she would say that right? She blocked me on snapchat not my number though, told me to move on, and to not contact her, and she asks me why i'm ignoring her? I don't understand. In the heat of the moment I said "I'm busy right now, you need something?" I sounded slightly sad, mad, irritated, unfortunately. Then she responded with "I guess not" and hung up immediately. I called her right after, no response. And texted her "I was busy doing some math work, call me again". She just said "no" and I left it off with an "alright".

 

I'm sure anyone reading these things I'm being TLDR moody , but this is just really important to me. Where do I go from here? People have told me it's toxic and I shouldn't have to be used like this ect. If I didn't think deep down she still cared for me, I wouldn't try so hard. You can't fake a genuine smile. Where do I go from here? I know this is long sorry, I also know my recent actions paint me to be a little who hasn't really learned anything. I knew I should have acted calm and not basically bent over for her, but when she called me my heart jumped and I was afraid to be abondonded by her again. Any advice would be fine, hopefully thoughtful ones, as I've never experienced this, but I know how I feel. Thanks again.

[hyden]

You were together for a month and that month involved both of you acting immature and fighting all the time. And this was your 'first love'? You cant eat but thankfully 'don't want to die'? Um, do you think all of this might be a bit over the top? You had a one month thing with a girl that went off to college. You have discovered that either you and her were not compatible and/or are both too young/immature to establish a healthy relationship.

 

That (hopefully) wont always be the case. Take the experience for what it was and move on. Always try to learn things and apply what you have learned to future events. Good luck.

[kctiger]

You're young...you're clearly inexperienced in this sort of thing. Please stop using no contact as some magical way to attract her back into your life. I have news for you, and it's a tough pill to swallow...this is over. She is going off to college over 12 hours away. She'll meet new people, enjoy new experiences and soon forget about you. It sucks, it really does. When you become that attached to someone in only a month, I feel like it is more a reflection on you and how you have some attachment issues stemming from childhood. Let's call this what it was - a fling. It was not a relationship. You cannot possibly know enough about a person in one month to fall this in love with them. You were both overwhelmed by these new feelings and in the end, a healthy relationship never blossomed. We have all been there before. You'll be OK. FYI - you can't go calling her insecure and clingy when you're the one freaking out over trying to get her back. Think about the hypocrisy in that...you are literally playing games to try and win her back. You want to be an "alpha?" Stop playing games, learn why this happened and set yourself up for success for the multiple other women that will come into your life. Trust me, there will be several more chances that make this one month fling look like a walk in the park. Neither of you are remotely emotionally capable of continuing a long distance relationship. Those take a significant amount of work, experience and emotional stability.

[happyfrank]

You need to grow a thicker skin and put more focus on self growth. I get it. This is your first girlfriend. Just remember that school/Career is way more important than any girlfriend.

 

A girlfriend will not be there to pay your bills or feed you when you go hungry. Once your ready, date again.

 

Good luck.

[ShatteredMan]

OP: If she's blocked you, that's all you need to know. We've all been hurt in ways that you describe. You've undoubtedly built up some fantasies around her (graduating together, getting married, having babies) and you will let go of those in time. We've all been through this and lived. So will you.

 

Its okay that you're out here venting and asking for feedback. However, don't you dare reach out to her anymore. She's had her fun and now she's moved on and your brain is struggling (like an addict that needs a fix) to comprehend what's happen, scheme up a way to get her back and move toward "and they lived happily ever after" scenario that you've seen on TV and in movies because you've (it happened to me too) been conditioned to think that's the way life ends up. Got news for you: it doesn't.

 

You're in college and you've got tons of women to chose from (if you're at a decent sized school) and you're going to meet more of them. If you play your cards right, you'll be just fine.

 

You talk about "alpha male" qualities and behaviors and the fact that you've tried to go no contact. This is good. Now you need to be an alpha male badass by getting control of these emotions, not talking about this situation to anyone else (unless you need a professional therapist), hit the gym (do not go to the same one she does, do not tell her friends you are doing this to reattract her), go out with your buddies and start hitting on every decent looking girl you can in class, at parties, bars, clubs, grocery stores, the library, study hall etc. You're in college. This is what you do at your age and in your situation.

 

I guess things were easy for me since I was on a sports team and in a big fraternity at a big school. I was in love with a girl that just didn't want to be in a relationship our freshman year. It pissed me off but I met other girls through my social channels. During our sophomore year, we hooked back up and I was stronger mentally and emotionally, played things cooler(because I knew that I could meet other girls any day of the week) and sure enough, we started a great relationship. We're still friends 20-plus years later (although I'm glad we never got married).

 

You don't even know how good you've got it. When you become old (like me) and you're really playing for keeps in terms of a relationship that will lead to marriage, that's when a breakup really screws with your life!

 

Suck it up buttercup! Go no contact and let people who don't want to be in your life go. I've had to learn this hard lesson again but its worth repeating when you find someone who truly wants to be with you for all the right reasons. She's closer than you think.....