maccerz Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Myself and a very close friend of my had a falling out about a month ago. I won't go into the fine details of our friendship because I'll be here all day but basically I find her to be very controlling and manipulative. She makes comments on how I live my life, questions what I do and generally just makes me feel like if I'm not doing something she approves of then I'm doing something wrong. Iv always been a people pleaser but in the past few years Iv been making some serious strides to change that. Anytime I get offended or irritated by the way she's acting she'll turn the situation around and say something like 'god I was only asking a question' and then acts all hurt and like I'm being a b****. Anyway we were on a night out and she once again made a comment about my weight and how she doesn't feel like I eat enough (I absolutely do by the way!) in a public bathroom with a lot of other people around. I got angry with her and once again she turned the tables and made out like I was being nasty to her by snapping at her. We got into a pretty explosive argument and she started crying and left the club. We didn't speak for a month but eventually met up the other night to speak about everything. I had a whole speech prepared about how I feel she's very controlling towards me and somehow has the ability to make me feel guilty in situations even though she's the one who's said something hurtful. Well the minute I met up with her I basically crumbled. She started going on about how she's such a good friend to me and she thinks I think I can just treat her like c*** and snap at her because I think she's always just going to be around. I tried to put my points across but I just didn't feel like they were heard at all. She said the only reason she ever says anything to me is out of concern and being a good friend and that she would 'of course never want to say anything to ever hurt anyone's feelings'. I sat there and owned my responsibility in the whole thing saying that I need to control my snapping and anger, but she didn't own her side AT ALL. The conversation basically went in a direction where she's just a really good friend who cares too much and I'm unappreciative and just an angry person. I obviously let it take that turn but it's SO difficult to get your point across with her, she's so good at manipulating a situation. I came away from the conversation feeling like complete s*** and genuinely feeling like a terrible friend. It wasn't until I sat down and spoke to my counsellor about it yesterday that I realised she had once again managed to twist a situation. She's incapable of any sort of self reflection and genuinely thinks she's a really kind person and a great friend. We technically made up, and we were chatting normally after the conversation however we haven't actually spoken since we met up which was now 2 days ago. Iv decided she's someone I definitely need to distance myself from because she's just not good for me but the issue is that she's part of my group of friends. I don't want to have to isolate myself from my friendship group so I need to find a way of remaining a more distant friend to her.. I just have no idea how to do it. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Another friend of ours is having a birthday dinner next week and I don't want it to be awkward this friend or to have not spoken to her between now and then. I want to text her just to have a flow of conversation started so it's not awkward when I see her but I also want to maintain a healthy distance from her both via message and in person. Does anyone have any ideas of how I can do this? Link to comment
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