Help I'm new to dating and at a loss

[pinkprincess]

Hey Guys

 

I am one of those people who can give advice to others but never know where i am going myself. I have been in a long term relationship from the age of 17 to 27. Then was one my own and met a man when i was 29 and now at the age of 31 i am finding myself single again. (just a bit of background info). Now i miss being in a relationship so i have started attempting to date. Now i think or thought i have ruled out many of the weirdos on the site i am on and i have had 1 date which i found the man to be easy to get on with but not someone i would want to date. So the first question is i have told him nicely that i think we would be nothing more than friends. However hard i try he doesn't seem to get this and is hell bent on the fact we will be together.

 

so the first question is how do i get him to see there is no dating potential with us?

 

Now obviously you get a few interests not all sane on these dating sites. I have now found myself chatting to 2 lovely men but that is all it is at the moment chatting. i kinda feel a bit weird about chatting to more than one man with the hope (by both parties i think) that this will lead to something. is this normal?

 

And finally i am due to go on a date and was wondering what the etiquette is? what do we chat about? i want to be myself but i also don't want to scare them away haha. And i would absolutely hate it if i ran out of things to say.

 

Any advice is much appreciated.

[seanryder]

Maybe try this........

 

Read you post from the point of view that someone else has written it and see what advice you would give them.

 

Just a suggestion.

[pinkprincess]

I'm just at a loss when it comes to myself and find it hard to reverse the role.

 

But thank you for the suggestion

[Butterfly2222]

1. how do i get him to see there is no dating potential with us?

 

You've already told him. You can tell him again, but if he doesn't listen, then stop talking and block him if you have to. You don't owe him anything. I struggled with this at first while doing online dating because I tend to be too nice, but I eventually got it.

 

2. i kinda feel a bit weird about chatting to more than one man with the hope (by both parties i think) that this will lead to something. is this normal?

 

I am like this as well, but I forced myself to chat/go out on dates with a few people during the same time. Easiest way to cut this down- stop chatting. Within a few days if there is no invite for a date, then request one. There's no reason to chat for long periods of time. People are very different in person.

 

Ultimately I stopped online dating all together. It was way too much for me and overwhelmed me. I am too monogamous. I like getting to know one person at a time. Chatting and dating a few people at once is great for some, not for me. It took something away from getting to know the person.

 

 

3. And finally i am due to go on a date and was wondering what the etiquette is? what do we chat about? i want to be myself but i also don't want to scare them away haha. And i would absolutely hate it if i ran out of things to say.

 

Always be yourself. Don't worry about scaring people away. You want to portray who you are as honestly as you can. The times where I was myself without worry were the times where I made the best connections. If they don't like you. Oh well! Next person.

 

You also can't worry about the conversation. If it doesn't flow, then obviously the date will end. Start off with dates where you get coffee or a drink. Somewhere where there is room for both parties to graciously end the date quickly if it gets awkward. No dinner dates!

[Sportster2005]

You don't have to explain, or get him to see anything. You tell him firmly you're not interested, and to leave you alone. If he crosses the line from insistent to harassment call the police.

[IAmFCA]

It is important to learn that dating is an exercise of autonomy, not teamwork. Autonomy means you behave as you choose without need for permission or validation from others.

 

After months of dating, one might agree to a mutually expressed relationship - that requires teamwork.