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FWB with a best friend that I want to date.


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So I started a friends with benefits with my best friend who I used to have feelings for. We made rules but our #1 was no feelings. And as of right now, neither of us are seeing or sleeping with anyone else.


I knew it was a bad idea going in, but this is the first and only time anyone I liked has ever kissed me and liked me back enough to have a physical thing. But I'm 23, and until my friend, no one has ever looked at me in a non-platonic light, not even during my college years. No one as ever asked me out and no one has ever asked me for sex or were interested in my advances either.


I'm just worried I don't deserve more than a FWB because I have never had more and that's why I let this friend start this thing with me. Normally I wouldn't have said yes, but again first time anyone's showed any interest.


But lately it seems like we are dating. She's always over here and we are going to dinners and movies,sleep together, talk about everything we would talk about before the FWB thing but adding other components to it, but she is also always asking if I'm seeing anyone else or encouraging me to sleep with other girls.


I was actually thinking of bringing up the possibility of having an open relationship when she suggested I try Tindr to meet people. I know communication is the key to something like this especially if we want our friendship to last, but I felt the timing was off AND she is uninterested. But then again she does little things for me like buy me flowers or make me breakfast before I go to work and such...things girlfriends would do for eahc other?


I know when this ends I will be the one getting hurt, but I don't want to be the one ending it because this is the best thing relationship-wise to happen to me. But I know she can easily find a new FWB or a girlfriend/boyfriend in a heartbeat, and I won't be able to.


What should I do? Should I broach the open relationship pitch? Or just let things fall where they will, which will most likely end in me getting hurt but at least I'll know what she's actually thinking?

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Well there are zero boundaries in this ...what she is doing is enjoying the feelings of a relationship while not having to commit ...she encourages you to be with others ..so that she can too , and still get the comfort from you that a relationship brings .


If you can do this with no emotional investment then I say just carry on having fun ....however ...as you said you feel you don't deserve any better , we all know this is going to destroy you in the end ..you are not strong enough to have a FWB with someone who has set no clear boundaries because your self esteem is through the floor . Of course you deserve more, you deserve love and commitment and happiness , never doubt that ...

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I was actually thinking of bringing up the possibility of having an open relationship

I don't think there is much of a different between fwb's that you go to movies and dinners with and an open relationship

Actually it sounds better than a fwb situation.


In light of the fact that she repeatedly tells you to date others is her way of reminding you that this isn't something serious. aka - an open relationship


So you can try to enjoy it for what it is, while it lasts or detach from it so you don't risk by being hurt by it.

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Detach a bit. Practice it on small amounts. Wait before replying. See some friends on your own. Spend a night alone. Just little practices to enhance and remind yourself of your ability to be happy on your own. Also to keep your social networks strong.

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You are in control. She doesn't set boundaries, but you certainly.can and should. If she is so casual, then she doesn't get so much of you. It may help to think of this in practical terms: how would you pursue an interest in someone else if you have so little room in your life for someone else? Make room to be alone plus extra room for an occasional date. Most often the time for date will be spent with friends instead. That is how it should be. Spend it with friends as a single person. Make new friends if necessary. Keep her around if you want, or don't. You do not have to decide, ever. Let it come and go, this thing with her. Your focus is on you. In control.

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