Do I have a chance of getting her back?

[MissCanuck]

But the last time she came back, she didn't stay. So whatever you did then, don't do it again because it evidently didn't work.

 

I would still advise you to consider this relationship as over, as the chances are very slim for another reconciliation. But if you're not emotionally ready to accept that yet, you simply have to do what's best to protect your own heart now and take real time and space away from her.

[Reece12345]

I'm not ready to accept it, I was planning to get engaged to the girl in November! Im no where near ready to just cut her out my life. I'm at starting to see that there's next to no chance of getting another chance. I will bump in to her this Saturday... do I ignore her or speak to her?

[Giblesp]

I was with my ex girlfriend for 3 years. We had our ups and downs like every relationship. We broke up a 4 months ago and after A very long process we got back together! But here we are again.... she broke up with me 2 weeks ago. Her reasons were her feeling changed and she isn't happy in the relationship. She said she still loved me but couldn't stay in something she wasn't happy in. Last week she deleted all our photos on social media. Then I found out she was on a dating site! I saw her a couple days ago and asked her how she was etc, she seemed absolutely fine with no regrets on her decision. While we were speaking it was like how we were when we were together? I asked about the dating site stuff and she said her friends set it up for a laugh. I haven't spoke to her since and she hasn't made any first contact at all. I know it's still very fresh but she seems absolutely fine and not hurting seeing her like this makes me think there is no chance. Is there any advice out there?!

 

The question you have to ask is why you want her back? Apply the second date rule; if you'd just met her and she was acting like she is right now, would there be a second date?

 

No. So what is she doing to win you over right now? How is she compelling you to dedicate yourself to someone who has already dragged you through the fire? What reassurances has she made that she'll do her best to work it out with you together? None. She's on a dating site.

 

This woman isnt for you in the here and now. Time to move on and look after yourself.

[Giblesp]

Yeah she already knows you want to get back together I'm sure if you have done the begging etc. So now you just need to leave her be. If you keep contacting her it will just start yo annoy her. Unfortunately you can't make someone love you or want to be with you. If she comes back it has to be because she wants to. But I read something that helped me a lot.... You don't deserve someone who comes back, you deserve someone who never leaves.

 

Its not just mistakes, its reaffirming to her that you lack self respect and that she has done the right thing.

 

More importantly, this is very bad for you and will send a signal to new women that you are a doormat.

[Giblesp]

I'm not ready to accept it, I was planning to get engaged to the girl in November! Im no where near ready to just cut her out my life. I'm at starting to see that there's next to no chance of getting another chance. I will bump in to her this Saturday... do I ignore her or speak to her?

 

You'd marry a woman who has dumped you and is probably having sex with men she's met online? Come on man, with that attitude your going to end up with someone who divorces you and takes your house and kids. You'll end up dead from stress.

 

As you can see, take back a dumper and they usually dump again. And yet your going back for more?! This is the definition of insanity my friend.

[MissCanuck]

I'm not ready to accept it, I was planning to get engaged to the girl in November! Im no where near ready to just cut her out my life. I'm at starting to see that there's next to no chance of getting another chance. I will bump in to her this Saturday... do I ignore her or speak to her?

 

If you actually cross paths, say hello and then keep moving.

[Reece12345]

I actually just spoke to her. She said she has no more chances to give me. But I asked to meet her and she was very close to saying yes... she said the problem is that she feels like she will get hurt, I tried to reassure her but she said no and said that she can't go through it. She told me she met a guy as a friend and spoke to him about our situation. So I told her that I met up with this girl who she absolutely hates to get back at her! She started to cry and said she couldn't believe that I would meet up with her! I explained that I was meeting her as a friend and for advice. The phone call ened, she text me saying she feels bad about the whole call, we spoke again I tried to explain how things could work out if we both put the effort in but she replied with I just have no more chances to give and she doesn't want to get hurt again etc! I have no idea how to take this she seemed like she was going to say yes to meeting then suddenly changed. I'm so confused!

[IAmFCA]

I actually just spoke to her. She said she has no more chances to give me. But I asked to meet her and she was very close to saying yes... she said the problem is that she feels like she will get hurt, I tried to reassure her but she said no and said that she can't go through it. She told me she met a guy as a friend and spoke to him about our situation. So I told her that I met up with this girl who she absolutely hates to get back at her! She started to cry and said she couldn't believe that I would meet up with her! I explained that I was meeting her as a friend and for advice. The phone call ened, she text me saying she feels bad about the whole call, we spoke again I tried to explain how things could work out if we both put the effort in but she replied with I just have no more chances to give and she doesn't want to get hurt again etc! I have no idea how to take this she seemed like she was going to say yes to meeting then suddenly changed. I'm so confused!

 

 

Stop it.

 

She said she would get hurt, you said no, then you hurt her. You brought this other woman just to get back at her.

 

Then you keep on trying to impose your will by telling her how it could work. No respect at all for her emotions or her words.

 

Leave her alone.

[romjrom]

Man- four pages worth of advice and you keep doing what everyone's telling you NOT to. Repeating the same behavior over and over but expecting different results is crazy.

 

Keep this up and you will blow the, may be, 2% chance you have left at this point. If you really want her back you need to snap out of this and be a man.

[IAmFCA]

Man- four pages worth of advice and you keep doing what everyone's telling you NOT to. Repeating the same behavior over and over but expecting different results is crazy.

 

Keep this up and you will blow the, may be, 2% chance you have left at this point. If you really want her back you need to snap out of this and be a man.

 

Forget "be a man" -- every person is subject to emotions that can feel overwhelming. And self-destructive.

 

What you are doing, OP, is demonstrating exactly why you AREN'T boyfriend material for this gal. Do you like it when people ignore your words, your boundaries, and your emotions? I guess not. And yet you insist on railroading this poor gal. She gives an inch -- concedes to have a conversation -- and you take a mile. And you don't get it: "I'm confused". What is confusing? She didn't want to talk to you but agreed after you pressured her. She doesn't want to go out with you again, but listened to you because you drew her into a detailed conversation. More pressure. Push push push. She is tired of resisting your forceful entreaties.

 

Maybe you think it is romantic to have someone be so intent in his pursuit. It isn't. Its disrespectful.

 

Next time, and there will be a next time, do not pressure your target into going out on a date, giving you a kiss, taking your phone call, going out with you, rekindling a relationship. Pressure nobody, ever. How do you feel when you buy a car, a suit, or telephone plan, and they pressure you? Makes you back way, right? Same here. Worse, you two are people seeking a match. She is not a car you are buying, she is a person also seeking a match.

 

Ask respectfully. If she says no, say thank you and move along.

[romjrom]

Forget "be a man" -- every person is subject to emotions that can feel overwhelming. And self-destructive.

 

No, as I mentioned to him in my prior post he DOES need to become (or at least act) like a man which women are wired to be attracted to...not a needy, weakling that she perceives as a doormat. It's the biggest mistake most of us men make in these situations- we think by showing our emotions we'll win her back but with what? out of pity? It never works and in fact it has the complete reverse effect. If by chance it does work it's only temporarily. Without putting effort into improving himself and making himself attractive to her she won't come back and if she does it won't be for long. Been there done that, wrote the book even got the t-shirt to prove it.

[IAmFCA]

No, as I mentioned to him in my prior post he DOES need to become (or at least act) like a man which women are wired to be attracted to...not a needy, weakling that she perceives as a doormat. It's the biggest mistake most of us men make in these situations- we think by showing our emotions we'll win her back but with what? out of pity? It never works and in fact it has the complete reverse effect. If by chance it does work it's only temporarily. Without putting effort into improving himself and making himself attractive to her she won't come back and if she does it won't be for long. Been there done that, wrote the book even got the t-shirt to prove it.

 

This is true for women too