this life

[greenie35]

I'm so tired of this crap. Day in and day out nothing new nothing exciting nothing moves me..no passion...no friends..nothing to do but sit here and read posts, surf the web, listen to music, and study. I work in a factory with those blinding flourescent lights and an unbelievably hot guy who plays my strings day in and day out and then hops in the car with his girlfriend who picks him up and they go home together.

 

Whatever. I'm seriously slacking with school. I was honors last semester, this semester I'll be lucky if I get a 3.0. I moved here 8 months ago and my boyfriend and I broke up a little over a month ago. I don't miss him. I just miss having a friggin life. Something to look forward too, something to do. I've been going to the gym which has boosted my self confidence to some degree, but lately I've been plagued with insomnia which is seriously effecting my studies. I can't fall to sleep at a rational hour. I try, but I toss and turn. My cat pees in every corner of the house so the lingering scent of cat urine fills the air in this lonely brokedown palace. I can't afford to take her to the vet. They are his cats, but he said I could have them. Just another responsibility he didn't want to take on, right now. I gave him my whole world and he took it along with all my energy and never bothered to return any of it. So I'm completely empty...this job this routine this life. I keep waiting for something to happen....for things to change..I try to make things happen and I still end up here every night behind this friggin computer screen. No messages on my answering machine, Sometimes I chat w/friends from back home online, or get an uplifting e-mail, but that's about it. Just venting...I don't know what I'm doing here...I pray to God that he will show me the truth in all of this...Why is my life this way right now?? When is it going to get better?? I know no one has the answers but God and maybe even me deep down...

I just needed to vent.

[Spirits Away]

aww... looks like the guy had disappointed you. Don't worry, look on the bright side: it's much better than getting to know him for awhile and then fall.

 

You were very brave for having tried talking to him. Many people couldn't do that. Just see it as a growth in yourself.

[greenie35]

aww... looks like the guy had disappointed you. Don't worry, look on the bright side: it's much better than getting to know him for awhile and then fall.

 

You were very brave for having tried talking to him. Many people couldn't do that. Just see it as a growth in yourself.

 

whoaahhh...no...perhaps I was unclear.

 

I didnt talk to the guy. I'm not going to as long as he has a gf. I got a good look at her today. She looks a lot like me in the face...it's almost uncanny...whatever. I was talking about my ex taking my energy and all that business...thanks though.

[Spirits Away]

oh really? guess i misunderstood it somewhere along the way.

[mermayd]

I pains me to say that I have been feeling the same way. So, you're not alone. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to except going to sleep and dreaming. I wish I could stay threre forever. I wish I could be comatose sometimes. Just sleep and pick it up later.

 

All I have tomorrow are my obligations.

[nexus532]

Maybe the answers are not with god but they were with you the whole time. Perhaps you need to step out of you life for a little while and remember what made you happy.

[kungfumaster]

vent on!!

 

i feel the same way too. in fact, i look forward to sleep - this past year and a half - nothing has gone in my favor. absolutely nothing. i mean, there were some good things that happened career wise, but really, at the end of my life, when i'm 70, will i say - darn - i remember when i was 29 when i got that promotion and i published my first paper?? seems absurd doesn't it??

 

only in my sleep can i escape... i wish i could sleep for a long time.

 

time to go to sleep!

[SPark]

Revive gave great advice...in my experience, 100% true. What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger, and dealing with the crap does eventually pay off in terms of life experience. I have had some horrible semesters (heck, I have one whole degree that made me feel like a salmon swimming upstream the whole time!), but you KNOW that it`s not the grades that matter, it`s what you`re learning...and maybe this semester your learning isn`t going to happen in the classroom. So what? Just hang in there and someday, soon I hope, but maybe not, you`ll be blown away how your life works out absolutely great. In the meantime, keep on keepin` on...and maybe think of moving somewhere where you`ll be happier.

 

ps Nature`s Miracle works great on cat pee smells...it`s an enzyme that eats up the residual odor completely. If you have an unneutered male cat, they are the stinkiest...you can get him neutered at the Humane Society clinic for probably around $20. Voila! No more stinky (well, it takes a few weeks for the hormones to exit the system) and you`ll see positive behavioral changes as well. My Kitty used to climb the curtains and hang there...now we have no more of that.