When she says she loves you, but she's not in love with you...

[MrForgetful]

Did she ever go to the doctor and get her hormones checked out? Is she on birth control pills? BC often turns of libido so if she is, she may need another kind of pill.

 

Someone in another forum once said: "Seduce a woman's mind and her body will follow." Time to get back to basics and start doing all those things you did outside the bedroom and then maybe she'll be ready inside the bedroom.

After six years of marriage you have to do more then watch t.v. (or similar) all night and then expect her to have been seduced. Not saying that's all the two of you ever do, just using that as an example of why her body may not be following.

 

Anyway... I hope you work it out.

 

No she hasn't, she was on the pill for a long time too but hasn't been for a couple years now.

 

Thanks for your help btw, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this which is why I'm here

[MrForgetful]

Oh and I forgot to add this, which may or may not be relevant... Whilst our sex life is pretty average, (maybe once every 2-3 weeks), she said she regularly masturbates. When we do have sex, it's good. She genuinely enjoys it and orgasms (usually multiple). Another bit of info is that when she does masturbate, she said she thinks of women... Yikes, am I totally screwed? lol

[catfeeder]

Apparently it's a side effect. I don't have any other reason to believe our love life changed because of something else. It all happened since then.

 

I think you may be missing the point on purpose. You really believe that the ~temporary~ use of a drug would kill one's libido forever? With zero attempts thereafter to reverse the problem with a doctor or professional? How about attempts at marriage counseling to address the problem?

 

Either wife was feigning her sexuality before the wedding and then dropped the pretense, or she lost it and then didn't care enough about your marriage to address it. Either way, the lack of sex life has ALWAYS been your indicator that something was wrong.

[MrForgetful]

Ok, so I opened up to her last night about how I'm feeling. Let it all out.

 

I don't want to get into details specifically, but the sex issue is much more clear. Basically, she finds it painful. She masturbates, because there's no penetration. Condoms make it worse.

 

As for the other things I was worried about, I feel much better about. I honestly don't think there is another person on the scene, nor is she interested in anyone else. Basically its a case of, if we aren't together, then she will be alone. Her problem is that she feels I should be with someone her is 'in love' with me, more so than what she is feeling now. There have been other factors in our relationship which have affected us and that is what we need to work on if things are to succeed.

 

Thank you to everyone who has commented, I'm sure this isn't quite over but for now at least it has settled somewhat and the paranoia has gone.

[wom360]

You don't sound paranoid. You sound naive.

[MrForgetful]

You don't sound paranoid. You sound naive.

 

And what makes you say that?

[oldsoul68]

Good point, but in our case I'm not sure the change in sex life has anything to do with me. Well not in my view anyway. Just before we got married, she went on medication to clear her skin for our wedding. This medication basically changed her hormones. It went south from there. We've been married for 6 years now so it's been like this for 6 years. It went from her complaining I couldn't do it enough, to me trying to get her in the mood and failing. I learnt to not bother trying because 8/10 times I'd be denied.

 

Tough situation and i know where you are coming from. I am in the same boat. I have tried and tried and i have just given up. My difference is we have two kids. Which just kills me but it is my choice and i will have to live with it. My path will be to follow what i wish to do. Make time for myself and go to the gym play active sport again and fill my life with other things. Wait for the kids to get older and then see where my path takes me.

[Carus]

Sorry you're in this situation. Same for me over here. No nastiness but wife just 'doesn't know how she feels'...

 

I tried for months to rectify it including couples counseling and some time apart.

 

Eventually moving out became the only option we hadn't tried and I moved out 6 weeks ago...She helped move my stuff and said it was for the best.

 

The separation anxiety is brutal..!!!

 

But I've stayed strong and totally left her alone. No txting, calling, social media..nothing!

 

So now she is the one feeling the anxiety and has suggested we start dating again...which we've been doing.

 

That's been going ok except for last night where we had a small argument.

 

My fear I guess is that she's keeping me around while she weans off me...but that is why I let her do 90% of the contacting whilst I push on with my life.

 

The biggest misconception with No Contact is that you should ignore your ex... I do not agree with that. You start moving on and when they contact you, you do your best to be strong and show them that you're actually ok without them...

 

So this may now also be your only option, however, although she is missing me a lot, now that we live apart, it is a long road back.

 

Again, I feel for you bud. It's one of the toughest things we face as humans.

 

I do hope you can find the way that is best for you.

Regards

Carus*