My boyfriend can't get over that i slept with a friend of his before we started dating.

[kennakay21]

My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years now. About 1.5 years before we started dating, i had a thing with one of his friends for a very short period of time. I rushed into things and it is the biggest regret of my life. At that point my boyfriend had a different girl too. I knew her as well. He was very aware of this when we started dating but we liked each other enough that it didn't matter. I've slept with 3 people including my boyfriend and he has slep with 10+ (which i know 4 of them personally) But that's the past and doesn't matter to me because i love him, we have no trust issues, we're both loyal to each other. Now we've been together 3 years i can't see myself with anyone else. We've completely blended out lives together and i see him as the one i'm meant to be with.

He hasn't been friends with this guy i slept with since we started dating because little sis i know he wasn't a very nice guy so my boyfriend made the choice to cut him out. He has no anger towards his "friend" but when his name gets brought up he freaks out at me and acts like i'm disgusting to him and treats me like he hates me. It makes me feel terrible because it's a mistake i made when i was really young and he thinks i deserve to be punished for it and says he will not marry me because of it. This is only the stuff he says when he is mad- on normal days he is completely committed to me, talks about buying a place together, marraige, kids. So i'm stuck here and don't know what to do because we can't talk about it without him getting mad.

I love him unconditionally and understand that he has made decisions he regrets in the past. And if he had a problem with this i don't see why he would of wanted to date me knowing this for over a year before..

[Hollyj]

Stop feeling guilty for this. That's ridiculous. You made NO mistake. Stop talking this way!

 

This is all on your boyfriend, and I think it is VERY strange that he feels this way. This is his problem.

 

He sounds very insecure, manipulative, unreasonable and controlling. And, if you are honest with yourself, you would admit that this is not the only issue.

 

Honestly, I don't understand why you tolerate this crap! You should have shut it down, long ago!!!!!

 

Why are you still with this creep? He told you that he will not marry you? "he thinks i deserve to be punished for it and says he will not marry me because of it."

 

Find a better partner. And, you only love a child unconditionally, never a partner.

[pippy longstocking]

yeah I was just going to say stop referring to it as a mistake ...that is his attitude now making you feel that things in the past are a mistake .

 

he thinks i deserve to be punished for it and says he will not marry me because of it.

 

he is an ass ...I don't care how loving and beautifully sparkly he is the rest of the time , that is emotional abuse . I doubt you will walk away from him so you need to harden up , and own this ..you tell him to get over himself and if he threatens you with it again you are going to have to seriously look at the longevity of this relationship .

[Hollyj]

I rethought this, because I thought it was so strange.

 

This situation has nothing to do with the other guy, but the simple fact that he wants no future with you. If he were so disgusted by it, he would not be dating or sleeping with you, now. He would have ended things.

 

He keeps you arounds as his emotional punching bag, and someone he can have sex with. Believe me, when he meets another girl, he will dump you fast. He is stringing you along. But, honey, you are allowing this treatment.

 

He is a bully, and I think it is time you were done with this.

[figureitout23]

I'm mainly curious how and why this subject keeps getting brought it. You said 'when his name gets brought up he freaks out on me' what you didn't say was 'he keeps bringing him up' so I feel like there's more to this. Who brings him up and why? If neither one of you are friends with him there's literally no reason for him to ever be a point of conversation.

[ThatwasThen]

This is on you, luv because you keep allowing him to do this. Next time he starts to bring this guy up or he freak out because someone brought his name up then you tell him that you're not going to tolerate his verbal abuse over something in the past that you cannot change. Then you leave and if he doesn't come to you and apologise, then you know its for the best (for both of you) to end the relationship. You can tell him that he doesn't get to keep you while he punishes you ad nauseum.

 

Have strong boundaries about this and don't allow him to cross them.