so....

[saku]

okay so here's the thing...i've decided to give myself two months before i try to kill myself. in these ttwo months i will do my best to find a better way through this. however during these months, i also am going to try to make sure i leave nothing behind as to not be a burden to those people around me (family i guess) today at work i went to the bathroom and cried and i've had a few other moments where i broke into tears. i'm not going to tell anyone this plan but i want to. yet, i know everyone is gonna give me so much crap for it without really understanding.

 

so...that's it i guess. not that it matters, but know that i am trying to find a way out of this pain. sorry to waste you alls time.

[Lonelyguy08]

you arent wasting anyones time. Killing yourself is the worst thing possible. think about how much you would put your parents through if you did that. I thought of doing it before but i thought of how much my parents love me i could never cause them that much pain. Just look at the bright side of things in life not the bad. I tell this to myself all the time and i can make it through the rest of the day. Trust me you dont wanna do that yourself and the pain that you would cause others.

[RoxyBabe17]

Tell me about your burdens or what not maybe I can help you...i know what your thinking...what would a 17 yr. old know? But it deosn't hurt to try...suicide isn't the answer....

[petercrouch]

Killing yourself is the worst thing possible. quote]

 

understatement of the year anyone?

[justsweetgirl]

Ok, if you can set a goal to wait two months before killing yourself, is there any way you can set a different goal??? I felt the same way during different times in my teen years. Somehow I survived them. And I am so grateful. I now have two beautiful and wonderful daughters, who would not be here had I taken my life during a depressed time in my youth. There is nothing you are feeling that others have not. You are not alone. I don't even know you and you bring me to tears. There is no way not to hurt those who love you by doing this. You will ruin multiple lives. People will blame themselves and their lives will cease to have meaning. Their pain will be unbearable. Is that what you want for your legacy? To have others feel the way you do right now? There is help out there. Hotlines, counseling. I was friends with someone when I was sixteen. Then we had a falling out over something stupid. She hanged herself because her parents would not let her date this guy she liked. It has been over two decades, and still I regret that I did not make peace with her before she died. Two decades. Please...

[brilliant]

I felt the same way when I was younger. I thought I couldn't go on and I realise now that life is the most precious gift we have! I am so happy that I am able to pursue my biggest dreams...it did take patience and perseverance, but I am now finally FINALLY doing what I have always wanted to do.

 

Don't give up. There is great reward if you don't. Diamonds are made under great pressure and take a long time to shine.

[saku]

that's why i'm doing my best to not leave a burden behind. as far as people being sad or blaming themselves if i go through with this...i doubt it. i already know i don't want a funeral or a memorial i will may find someway to donate my body to science or something. but i'm very old...age 23 and i go to school and have ambitions to which i work hard to strive for. however, it just doesn't matter. but know i will make use of these two months.

[Starless]

Try to think positive thoughts and feelings,if you look at it like there is no hope then your goona feel like that.Try to think positive,not only will you feel better youll be on your way to recovery.go see a professional if you have too,talk to one of your friends about it,keep a journal with your thoughts in it if you have too.just try not to hold them thoughts in,it makes it a lot worse.

[amour_13]

I totally relate to you. When i was in the 7th grade. I wanted to die, and I almost did it. (Something just stoppped me, I think I was too scared.) Anyways, Im writing this not to change your mind b/c only you can do that, but to tell you NO MATTER WHAT you will hurt someone. Whether you realize it or not (which you prolly dont or you wouldnt want to die) people in your love and cant stand to be w/o you.

I do not know your situation (if you would like to talk feel free to pm me) but I do know the feeling of not wanting to go on living. It seems easier and better for everyone, BUT its not easiest for everyone else; it's easier for you. I know that sounds harsh but its what ive discovered in the 4 years since 7th grade.

I would love to help you in ANY WAY possible. I hope something/someone will change your mind like I had mine changed.[/b]

[saku]

yeah well...these last couple of days i have tried to accomplish a goal only to have it backfire. that's not to say i'm giving up trying....it's everything out of my control right now is pretty overwhelming.

[gizza]

i read somewhere that 'suicide is permenant solution to a temporary problem' . believe me i know how hard life can be for us all sometimes & when your in the 'zone' suicide starts to make sense ,but of course it does'nt really its just that overwhelming feeling of having no control.

 

I regulary lie in bed a write pretend suicide notes in my head to people which seems to help me & the funny thing is there seems so many to write i dont know who should & should'nt get a note , ive even written a few then thrown them away . I think when i start to write down why i'm killing myself it seems like i dont have enough good reasons for people to forgive me.

 

I wonder whether having the internet helps or hinders me sometimes i've spent so much time on trying to find out why i have these feelings that that i spent hours searching for answers online & all i can discover is it comes from within -

 

All i'd say to you 'is look you've given it 2 months so you might as well enjoy those 2 months' & then you will hopefully give yerself another couple of months to get out of the 'zone'. and thats all it is , it blinds us from other positive emotions.

 

hang in there

[mshollywod]

Don't feel like expressing yourself is a waste of time. I know you've probably heard it before that "you are not alone and there are many people like you or even worse off". This is true but it sucks because it doesn't help you with your problems.

 

Honey, you truly are not alone..somedays I wake up and the only reason I wake is because I tell myself I have to wake up to see if this day is going to be a better day. I sometimes wonder why I who have a college degree actually two (associates and bachelor's), 3 internships under my belt and a sleth of work experience can't find a permanent 9-5 job with benefits. I have been tempting since I've graduated which was like years ago, have no car, no boyfriend, not dates, a group of friends that I'm slowing outgrowing, live at home, share a room, no insurance of any kind and I could go on and on..Keep in mind I'm over the age of 25. But I still wake up every morning cause I truly believe God has better plan for me and that's what keeps me going. But again..I feel your plight. Don't do it honey...your life will change for the better.