are we still on break or what?

[daisysnc]

Me and my boyfriend met each other off tinder I went back to my hometown for four months. We clicked right away and started our three years long distance relationship and had a really great relationship with each other by visiting each other and going on vacation together so on. ( He has introduced me to his family and best friends but he hasn't met mine yet.) So things start getting complicated just a few months ago. Around May, I quitted my job and moved back to my hometown for around two months. We have been with each other every day and it was the best two months of my life. Throughout that two months, my bf had been studying and doing a lot of reading. I didn't really mind because I understand that he's currently in the process of career change and that must be really stressful for him. So I always went to cafe or stay at home to just read while he's studying. I cooked for him and kept our relationship intimated at all time. He said he loved me sometimes and always hugged me from the back asking me not to leave.

 

However after two months, I had to leave again and just the day before my flight, out of the blue, he told me he wanted a break. He said he is not looking for another girl

He is just going to be busy and he wants to emotionally distant himself from me, he just hates that constant emotion swing. I was really upset at first, but then agreeded to the break afterward and told him I would always be there when he needs me. And we had also agreeded on reconnecting again sometimes in September to reassess our status to see if we should break up or stay on this relationship. He has also promised me that during the break, he won't see any other girl.

 

So after leaving my hometown, I went on a trip with my girlfriends with no internet connection, and thus didn't go on fb and as promised, not contacting him for four days straight. When I turned my phone back on, I saw his texts saying he's getting worried about me and told me to text him back to let him know if I'm okay. He even added my best friend on facebook. I did just that and throughout the past two months, I've stopped myself from texting him all the time. However, sometimes he would text me saying he missed me and I have started texting him once or twice a day now without expecting him to reply. I know that now he had completed all his certification courses and must be feeling less stressed now having more control over his life. Every time when he told me he's studying/reading, I would just leave him alone and let him concentrate. Now, he's still texting me back everytime I message him, it's just usually it takes awhile (maybe a few hours to half a day, which honestly I don't mind) or he just replied me with smile face/lol/cutie( he always called me cutie). He doesn't really initiate the conversation anymore. We used to message each other everyday as soon as we woke up. I'm just so confused what pages are we on right now, is he still interested in maintaining this relationship with me, are we still on the break or not?

 

At this point, I'm just so confused and seriously wanted to trust that he's not seeing/sleeping with anyone else at the moment but all the other articles online said otherwise. And it really matters when I'm deciding whether I want to move back to my hometown or not.

 

And also, I'm not sure if it matters, but my boyfriend is bipolar and he had been doing pretty well ever since we dated, he stopped taking the med about three years ago.

[MissCanuck]

Why did he stop taking his medication? Was that under his doctor's supervision?

 

I'm a little confused why he asked for a break in the first place. I don't understand what he was referring to by hating that "constant emotion swing" - unless this is related to his bipolar disorder.

 

I would assume you're still on this break, given that you agreed to reconnect and re-evaluate everything in September. May I ask what is meant to change in September, though? You said he is already finished studying so I am not sure what will be gained by waiting until next month. Can you clarify?

 

There is no way any of us can begin to guess what's on his mind, of course. Only he can tell you that. I personally believe that breaks are not usually all that helpful unless the couple is working some specific issues, and since you're already long-distance, is not really as though you could be crowding his personal space. It doesn't sound like you are invasive or clingy, either. So while he could very well be keeping his promise not to date or have sex with anyone else, I am also not sure what this break is meant to accomplish.

[daisysnc]

Hello miss canuck,

 

To be honest, I'm not so sure what the break is for as well. He never really talk much about his bi-polar situation, but I guess that's one of the reason why he hated the constant mood swin and wanted to keep his mood balanced.

 

Before, he was gonna take an exam for his certification course in September and that's why I said we would reevaluate our relationship till then.however, things changed and he managed to finish that exam in late July instead. So right now, he's basically just reading and working on a freelance basis. I'm actually struggling and wonder if we should reconnect soon but I'm scared he would complain about me not keeping my end of the promise.

 

To be honest, you are right, other than letting him study for the exam, I honestly don't know what this break is for.somehow, I think maybe he's bored of me and just wanted to see if he could live without me. But if that's the case, shouldn't he just stop messaging me and stop giving me hopes? Like just a few days ago, he seemed really excited about me being there in November.

(He knew I was planning to go back to my hometown this coming Christmas)

 

As for the medications, I believe he stopped taking it by himself and his doctor def knew about it. He never really tell me if the doctor has suggested against it or what though.

 

I've given him the break he wants, and tbh I really don't know what he wants from me anymore. He did mention how he's tired of this and didn't want to continue doing this unless I'm back in my hometown. HR even suggested us moving in together if I'm back. I love him and want to be with him, but it doesn't seem like he wanted to put any more effort into it. however, he doesn't want to break it off and so now we're still on the break,or not.... I'm so confused and don't know what I should do at this point.

[daisysnc]

Why did he stop taking his medication? Was that under his doctor's supervision?

 

I'm a little confused why he asked for a break in the first place. I don't understand what he was referring to by hating that "constant emotion swing" - unless this is related to his bipolar disorder.

 

I would assume you're still on this break, given that you agreed to reconnect and re-evaluate everything in September. May I ask what is meant to change in September, though? You said he is already finished studying so I am not sure what will be gained by waiting until next month. Can you clarify?

 

There is no way any of us can begin to guess what's on his mind, of course. Only he can tell you that. I personally believe that breaks are not usually all that helpful unless the couple is working some specific issues, and since you're already long-distance, is not really as though you could be crowding his personal space. It doesn't sound like you are invasive or clingy, either. So while he could very well be keeping his promise not to date or have sex with anyone else, I am also not sure what this break is meant to accomplish.

 

Sorry for the confusion, I just wanted to clarify that ever since I left my hometown in early June, we had been on break till now.

[MissCanuck]

Something is very wrong if even you don't know why he wants this break, or what it's supposed to achieve. The level of communication is not good between you two, at least surrounding this issue.

 

Based on what you wrote at the end of your reply to me, he doesn't want to do distance anymore and is actually using this time apart to see if it's better to part ways.