Can't move on

[lois111]

I got dumped over the phone 18 months ago after a whirlwind 12 month relationship where I had never been made to feel more loved. He blamed me because we had argued. I begged and pleaded with him to give us another chance. He wouldn't -and he wouldn't meet me. He ignored my texts and emails and a few phone call attempts. I asked to be friends-no reply. I gave up the occasional texts last year. He blocked me from apps. I have no idea of his present situation. But I can't stop thinking of him. I think of him probably being with someone else and it destroys me. I have tried all the usual advice-new hobbies, keeping busy, arranging things with friends and family and dating new guys. But 18 months later none of this has worked and I am still in so much pain. Still in misery every day and thinking might a text after this length of time illicit a response, might he talk to me if I try to bump into him....But I don't know if I can face putting myself up for more humiliation with texting him again after this length of time and with having all my attempts ignored last year. But I don't want anyone else. I would really appreciate advice on what to do.....

[Pleasedonot5]

Resolve to respect yourself enough never to beg for anyone choosing to leave you, ever again. It's pathetic, unattractive, and it will not get your ex back. Also, as tempting as it may be to initiate contact, it's probably the least productive thing you can do. You would be setting yourself up for failure, and that's not something you want to do.

 

That said, I feel for you. It's so hard when relationships like that end. Like you, I feel I'm going through the motions, but always end up right back, thinking about how I'll never have anyone as good as her again. I'm almost two years out myself. You're not alone, and I'm rooting for ya.

[lois111]

You are so right I never feel I will get anyone as good again. It hurts so much. Our argument was based on my insecurity and I said at the time I had learned from it and it wouldn't happen again. But he refused to give me a chance. I feel so much self blame. I have gone through counselling to help with my insecurity but I guess given he ignored every contact attempt from me last year it would be pointless to try again right?! I am so sorry you are still feeling bad too.

[Pleasedonot5]

Yes, I think it would be pointless to set yourself up for failure again like that. You already know that he isn't likely to respond. It's better to continue counseling, working on yourself (go to the gym or start a running routine), and trying to have as many good times as you can with new/old friends.

 

It's alright, some days are worse than others. Today is most definitely a bad day lol

[Rustysuit]

It is very tempting to try and contact an ex, but only do so in extreme cases of emergency (like you know he got hurt and want to know if he's all right or something happened with his family, etc.) or ONLY - and I can't stress this enough - ONLY if you're prepared to be rejected.

 

You need to be in an emotional state where you'll be happy if simply doesn't reply and happier if he does with a positive vibe.

If you're not in this state, trying to contact him is a gamble you'll most likely lose and it'll be like day 1 all over again.

 

It's tempting, but not worth it. If he knows how you feel, he knows how to reach you...if he hasn't, well, I'm sorry to say, but he's not interested

 

That's the reality all of us dumpees need to realize and accept eventually. I know it's hard. It's one of the most difficult things in the world. It feels like you'll never be happy again, or meet someone like him again. Everyone else is like a shadow of him and you have no interest over nothing or anyone.

 

You have to fight this. Make the mental effort. Take medication if you have to. Talk to your doctor, seek help, counselling, do something therapeutic. Whatever works.

It will pass, eventually. There's not a time limit on these things, but it will pass.

[Foreverdumpee]

I couldn't agree more with all of these replies. In my own past experiences, 3 times I've been in the same situation, and am currently going through the 3rd one now. It took me around 1-2 years each time to get over it. I also had the same thoughts as "I'll never find anyone as good as them". But you know what? Someone did pop into my life eventually. IT WILL HAPPEN. I'm currently guilty of having your same thoughts now, 4 months since last breakup, but I do know it will get better eventually, even though it's hard to believe right now, for you and for myself.

 

My first heartbreak took me a year and a half to get over fully. Then it took me 5 years to find someone to love again. I got married to the 2nd one and it was great for 6 years. Then 2 years of recovery. Then had a fwb with someone else after that for a year. Then had an 8 month relationship with someone but we mutually split so it wasn't bad on either of us. Then 2 years later the love of my life came out of nowhere. A year later they left and here I am, depressed, destroyed, all of that..... point being, time does heal, that is all I know, and what I have to keep reminding myself everyday, I wish more than anything that there was a quick miracle cure.