serious flirting and innuendos from a hot guy!

[loobyloo41]

I have known this guy for around 3 years, hardly ever speak, however over the past couple of months he has been liking and commenting on my various FB posts more and more – it wasn’t something I took much notice of until recently.

 

Back in June I made a comment on his Instagram story, didn’t realise that it goes through as a private message (I had only recently joined). Anyway, it has gone from there. He replied instantly and we chatted during the evening and he asked me what dating apps I was on etc – it was a light hearted conversation. I sent him a screenshot of me being on one and he said I looked a MILF!! We then got onto the conversation of him being a DILF!!

 

He said I had a popular following in a jokey kind of way as the guys he work with all like me (it’s not mutual, trust me!!).

 

Anyway we got chatting about this and that and talking about F1 and other motor sports - (see him every couple of weeks at various circuits around the UK) and we swap pleasantries but it’s difficult to hold a conversation as he’s always busy.

 

A couple of weeks ago I threatened to buy him a joke present (extra-large pair of plastic glasses!) as he missed something during a race and I told him he needed to get his eyes checked! He called me a cheeky mare and said “there was me thinking you were going to buy me a leather thong”!

 

So last week I rocked up with these glasses and he nervously laughed when I made out I had actually bought him the leather thong! He wore these glasses the whole day and said the only time he had to remove them was to do some tuition.

 

The conversation went from there and turned into loads of smutty innuendos from both sides which I found highly amusing! I do tend to react when someone talks like this so we were both as bad as one another!

 

He has also said age is just a number (I am 8 years old than him).

 

He does have a filthy mind when it comes to innuendos but I find it funny as I am just as bad – I think if this conversation was happening with someone I didn’t know then I would be offended and wouldn't even consider entertaining the idea.

 

I have said we are as both as bad as one another and he broke his halo a long time ago! I said I was looking forward to this and he said “yep don’t complain”! I said I wouldn’t dare complain and he comes back with “you’ll be begging for more”, when I asked what he referred to, he replied “maybe you will find out”!!

 

I told him he would need to work for this and he asked how, when I replied and said “oh I am sure you will have an idea”, he said “you tell me”. Felt like I was winding him up so I stopped.

 

We chatted some more the other night and it went down the same road, but I do give as good as I get, so I guess I ask for the smutty comments!!!

 

During these innuendos there were comments in there about “let me know when you are free”, but then I stupidly threw it back at him and said for him to let me know when he is free.

 

I saw him yesterday and he seems really nervous around me. I walked past him a couple of times and clocked him glancing up at me. We did speak and ask each other how we were etc., but he does seem shy and nervous in person.

 

When my friends read the conversations we have they tell me he is definitely flirting with me and I should ask him out.

 

His replies are long and detailed so he will reply to every bit of my message, like he has ready it properly and thought out his answers.

 

He lives about 150 miles away unfortunately, but distance isn’t the issue for me here.

 

I think I am so far out of the dating game that I am scared to grow those balls that people keep telling me to grow and to ask him out for a drink!

 

I appreciate people may read this and think he is after one thing, but I know that he isn’t. He is a dad to a teenage daughter and is actively looking for a relationship. He has said that if he wanted a one night stand he could get that in his local nightclub!

 

I would really like to get to know him more, but I think I stop because I have to see him regularly and I really do not want there to be any awkwardness between us.

 

Any advice would be greatly received.

[Pleasedonot5]

Yes, he is interested, and yes you should ask him out for drinks to get to know each other more!

[loobyloo41]

Thank you - what makes you so sure just by reading what I have written?

[Pleasedonot5]

The nature of your conversation, and that he's shy and nervous around you. Also, that you have a desire to get to know him! You'll have your answer if you ask him out to a casual date and he says yes/no.

[Andrina]

Sorry, but with my life experience, he likes the fact you have a crush on him, but he's just not that into you. Since he's been bold enough to say the things he has said, there is no reason why he wouldn't have asked you out by now. It could be he's already dating someone and doesn't mention it. It could be he's too lazy to want a LDR. It could be he's not comfortable with the age difference. It could be he finds you pretty, but the chemistry is lacking for him. The reason doesn't really matter. He's basically been a long term pen pal. I guy who was really into you would want to snap you up before any other man had the chance.

 

Before I learned this lesson, I made the first move on a few guy's like this, where I thought I saw interest, but got tired of waiting to be asked out. It never once worked out for me. Unless a guy is painfully shy, which this guy isn't, I don't recommend putting in more effort and making the first move.

 

Go ahead and ask if you will be okay with either answer. At least it will give you closure if he says no and you can stop putting emotional energy into a dead end. If he says yes, then I hope it works out.

[Pleasedonot5]

He could very well be shy, though. I'm scared of that mindset, Andrina, because I often like women and do not ask them out because that's just who I am. As for the OP's case, we can't be entirely sure until she has her answer. Could go either way.

[loobyloo41]

He could very well be shy, though. I'm scared of that mindset, Andrina, because I often like women and do not ask them out because that's just who I am. As for the OP's case, we can't be entirely sure until she has her answer. Could go either way.

 

Thanks for your comments both of you. Yes you are right, it could go either way.

 

I liked a guy last year and we used to sit and chat for about 2 hours around this and that, we got on great and all my friends at work said "has he asked you out yet", he never gave me any of the flirting signs that this new guy has and I can see a huge difference between the two. Again, this was another guy I just didn't have the balls to make the first move.

 

My gut feeling about the first guy was that he wasn't interested so I never asked him out for a drink, he disappeared off the face of the earth until last week when I bumped into him. We messaged each other for a day and said about catching up for a coffee, he was up for it, but it was a very "take it or leave it" kind of answer. Last year I would have been disappointed that he didn't want to meet up, this time I am not bothered whether he wants to meet or not, yet I had no problem asking him for a coffee!!

 

I would say that this recent guy is definitely shy, its the nervous laughter you hear as well when I am around. He doesn't always glance across at me, but I know that he knows I am there. I think he is worried he will get caught by me looking at me!

 

He's really talkative on text, but face to face is very much "hello, how are you" and he keeps walking, he just comes across as nervous.

 

I haven't messaged him since the weekend as I did see him, and as much as I would love to drop him a text, I don't want to come across as some woman who is a pain in the rear and texting a guy who could potentially just not be interested (yet the text messages do say otherwise!)

[vesper]

Thanks for your comments both of you. Yes you are right, it could go either way.

 

I liked a guy last year and we used to sit and chat for about 2 hours around this and that, we got on great and all my friends at work said "has he asked you out yet", he never gave me any of the flirting signs that this new guy has and I can see a huge difference between the two. Again, this was another guy I just didn't have the balls to make the first move.

 

My gut feeling about the first guy was that he wasn't interested so I never asked him out for a drink, he disappeared off the face of the earth until last week when I bumped into him. We messaged each other for a day and said about catching up for a coffee, he was up for it, but it was a very "take it or leave it" kind of answer. Last year I would have been disappointed that he didn't want to meet up, this time I am not bothered whether he wants to meet or not, yet I had no problem asking him for a coffee!!

 

I would say that this recent guy is definitely shy, its the nervous laughter you hear as well when I am around. He doesn't always glance across at me, but I know that he knows I am there. I think he is worried he will get caught by me looking at me!

 

He's really talkative on text, but face to face is very much "hello, how are you" and he keeps walking, he just comes across as nervous.

 

I haven't messaged him since the weekend as I did see him, and as much as I would love to drop him a text, I don't want to come across as some woman who is a pain in the rear and texting a guy who could potentially just not be interested (yet the text messages do say otherwise!)

Serious Flirting happens at the beginning of a relationship. You have to move forward towards a relationship eventually and talk about the actual issues at hand. Good Luck!

 

Eventually you may wear yourself out on the heavy flirting and look for something of substance.

[eidetic]

Just food for thought -- parenting a teen is no cakewalk, and these next few may be the years when his daughter truly needs to lean on him for all things father and relationship oriented.

 

Suss that out fully before you continue, as typically this parenting phase is full of drama and surprises, and also, a child's potential (and maybe rightful) jealousies or competition with a parent's new partner. If you are going in with this man who is a father, it's to the benefit of his daughter's young womanhood that you cool off on the smut. Not a judgment, just food for thought. For her benefit please be realistic about what he is able to offer, and whether what he is after is good in the long run for his child. Because she will take relationship cues from what he appears to do with you, and you really do want her to be blessed by whatever that is.

 

If he doesn't appear to be thinking in her best interests, you do this. Not saying what is between you currently is any bad, but, would it be a reasonably above board and family inclusive, lasting connection.

 

If he's just out for a secret shag, pass. Not worth it for you and not supportive of children who are still growing and learning the ropes of male-female or sexual/romantic dynamics.

 

Again, not a judgment, just food for thought.

 

To answer your original question though, I went with a guy like this and he was bold as brass online, and reticent for years in person. This meant I took the lead in some key arenas, and it was brilliant and mutually enjoyable.

 

That said, please do be careful about coupling up when children are involved. They deserve the very best of their parents and that honeymoon period, especially when smutty, is a major and almost impossible distraction.

 

The other thing to consider is that if he seems shy, sly, or nervous in person, there may be another woman in the picture, and possibly still his child's mother. Under no circumstances should you pursue or continue if that is the case. Not even so much because of impact on the child, but namely because of the potential impact on your own heart.

[loobyloo41]

Just food for thought -- parenting a teen is no cakewalk, and these next few may be the years when his daughter truly needs to lean on him for all things father and relationship oriented.

 

Suss that out fully before you continue, as typically this parenting phase is full of drama and surprises, and also, a child's potential (and maybe rightful) jealousies or competition with a parent's new partner. If you are going in with this man who is a father, it's to the benefit of his daughter's young womanhood that you cool off on the smut. Not a judgment, just food for thought. For her benefit please be realistic about what he is able to offer, and whether what he is after is good in the long run for his child. Because she will take relationship cues from what he appears to do with you, and you really do want her to be blessed by whatever that is.

 

If he doesn't appear to be thinking in her best interests, you do this. Not saying what is between you currently is any bad, but, would it be a reasonably above board and family inclusive, lasting connection.

 

If he's just out for a secret shag, pass. Not worth it for you and not supportive of children who are still growing and learning the ropes of male-female or sexual/romantic dynamics.

 

Again, not a judgment, just food for thought.

 

To answer your original question though, I went with a guy like this and he was bold as brass online, and reticent for years in person. This meant I took the lead in some key arenas, and it was brilliant and mutually enjoyable.

 

That said, please do be careful about coupling up when children are involved. They deserve the very best of their parents and that honeymoon period, especially when smutty, is a major and almost impossible distraction.

 

The other thing to consider is that if he seems shy, sly, or nervous in person, there may be another woman in the picture, and possibly still his child's mother. Under no circumstances should you pursue or continue if that is the case. Not even so much because of impact on the child, but namely because of the potential impact on your own heart.

 

Thank you for your reply, firstly the mother in question has remarried and now has another child of her own.

 

I would never ever come between a parent and a child (being a mother myself) and it would be sometime before I would ever meet said child as well.

 

I think there is a reason why he is still single, he said to me once about me having a queue of men liking me which I found hard to believe, and he said he was too lazy to join the queue (we were joking at the time), but perhaps there a lot to be said there - he doesn't put in the effort from what I can see. Yes he does reply to messages and he's very flirty, but the only way I will take it to the next level is by asking him myself. He has dropped loads of hints about us getting together and I have no idea whether this was my cue to say something or what (I didn't I bottled it and threw it back at him!), so perhaps I have missed my chance!

 

I also get the feeling he is quite immature so perhaps that does put women off, I have witnessed it myself - he also admits that.

 

He is definitely single (we are friends on FB and there's nothing to even give the slightest hint he is in a relationship, that said he is also on various dating websites).

 

To be honest I have no idea what he is thinking and I think I am better off just leaving it a while and perhaps getting in touch in a few weeks. Who knows!

[loobyloo41]

So since I have put up this post, the texts and innuendos have continued! He clearly knows my smutty sense of humour LOL!

 

Last week I messaged him on the back of some funny video that was on FB and it went from there, we chatted until the early hours of the morning and then the following evening he messaged me (finally instigated the chat for the first time ever!) about something and we got talking again.

 

In a roundabout way I do think he is interested, but neither of us have been direct enough to come out and say it!

 

I saw him at the weekend, he just always seemed to be in my line of sight pretty much most of the day, hovering when we went to leave and walked straight past me and my friends and said good morning, something he doesn't normally do - he normally keeps his head down and keeps walking without saying anything (that's the shyness in him!).

 

Yet at the weekend he seemed to be more confident in his manner and in my face a little more as if to say "hello I am here".

 

There is part of me that wants to park this and try to forget about it, purely because I don't want to make an idiot of myself and find he isn't interested - I think this is what is stopping me from saying something.

 

I haven't made contact since the weekend and he hasn't been in touch, but I know that he has been busy.

 

He's a very laid back guy so could he be that laid back that he's just carrying on in his own little world and will see me again in a week or so??

 

Still confused.com!