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Am I the reason he broke up with me or the depression?


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Hi everyone, I really need some advice im deeply heartbroken and besides myself with grief, my boyfriend of nearly 3 years has broken up with me suddenly, we had our ups and downs over the time we were together (quite a lot of downs) but overall we were infatuated with each other our sex life was amazing, when we first got together I was in a relationship for 7 years where I was unhappy so I ended it with guy I was with to be with him (unhealthy I know!) I didn't have a chance to grieve my broken relationship I kind of carried it on into the new one, meanwhile my ex kept calling me and bombarding me making it almost impossible for me to have a normal relationship with my new partner, this took its toll and I ended up ending the new relationship several times just so I could be rid of my ex and start a fresh, I admit I made my current partner feel disposable and looking back now I have huge regrets on how I made him feel, so 2 years on I'm now rid of ex (finally) were happier than ever, last year my partners grandfather passed away and he was like a father figure to him, I don't feel he grieved for him up until recently he couldn't look at his pictures he had no emotion almost like a denial, he recently went abroad to stay with family whilst he was abroad the phone calls stopped and texts were minimal, obviously I'm feeling insecure now and acting psycho, so when we eventually did speak I asked him what's wrong to which he replied I'm unhappy in our relationship and I want to move out here, so I've given it some thought and let him enjoy the rest of his holiday, he then returns to only tell me he's not sure if he wants to continue the relationship with me and that he feels nothing for me nor anyone in his family (whom he adores)

I gave him a week of no contact I was going to give it longer but I bumped into him at the supermarket and I asked how he was etc then the subject of our relationship came up and he said "it's best if we go our separate ways I love you but I don't love you" and "our relationship was unhealthy from the start" there was no emotion in his face he couldn't even look at me to which my reply was fainting just from the shock(embarrassing) he also said he can't move in with me because it'll set him back from moving abroad, I had no choice but to accept this is his decision but I somehow feel he is depressed and this is his way of dealing with his emotions by pushing me away, I said I don't want this but I want you to be happy and my door is always open,I've seen him around as he works in my area where I live and he has not acknowledged me once since the break up, he just stares at me from a distance or into space, so now I'm due to move into OUR flat on my own in a couple of weeks (by the way this happened mid July) it's been nearly 2 weeks of no contact and I'm starting to go crazy

I'm on antidepressants and diazepam to sleep also seeing a therapist every week, I know things will get better in time but I can't help but feel responsible for this (partly because he blamed me) but because of how I was when we first got together, also a week before the break up he sent me a final text explaining he has mental issues he needs to address and he is destructive to everyone around him and he needs time etc so I have him time this was the outcome, I believe he is my soulmate and whatever he is going through I will help him, but him making an irrational decision to move abroad so suddenly without me is just so mind boggling, would love to hear any thoughts/advice

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This relationship was never meant to be for a lifetime. He gave you the strength to leave an abusive relationship so silently thank him for that. Let him go and keep working on yourself and your confidence and self-worth so that you believe you deserve a good man that you won't have a rocky start with and if you do, you'll have the confidence to leave and not cling to something that is unhealthy. Both your ex relationship and this relationship you've just ended was not ideal yet you stayed in one for 7 years and you stuck in this one when you had, which sounds like, more downs then ups. When you break up with someone more then once then it's natures way of telling you that you're with the wrong person. When you are unhappy with someone and the dynamic of the relationship you certainly shouldn't stick it out for 7 years until someone you THINK is better comes along.


Time to become a happy, adjusted single who is not afraid to be alone... that is when you will find a good man wherein you will have a fighting chance of the relationship lasting a life time.

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