Stalling.. + thinking out loud

[quark]

Hey all,

 

I made a post here a couple days ago about an epiphany I had recently that I've lost all romantic feeling in my relationship. It hit me hard. For a few days I barely ate and my stomach was in knots, as I lived inside my head constantly lost in thought. He can sense that something in me has changed, but I am chalking it up to my work schedule which recently changed to be pretty grueling this week. He just said today to talk to him, but I don't think he knows the severity of the talk that I'd want to have. So I am stalling and putting it off, mainly as a courtesy to him. I'd hate to have this Earth shattering discussion where we will most likely lose sleep and feel terrible and then have to get up and go to work. So, I'm trying to secure a time that would be best.. like, hopefully this coming week because I don't think I can pretend and just say "work is crazy, I'm tired" anymore.

And then, there is a concert coming up that he spent a decent amount of money on. (Which is another whole thing, he bought these tix without even asking me if I could be off work and without even considering that I really don't care for that music) So it's like..do I wait until after that? The thought of having to be there and spending that time together really does not entice me at all. To the point where I already have plans of faking sick or something.

 

And then, in the corners of my mind, I am of course having doubts that I'm doing the right thing? Am I taking action on this break up now only because I've developed a crush? In other words, am I just being hasty? I've recently taken down a list of all the stupid fights and blow outs we've gotten into over the years and all the times where he, or I have wanted to end it. There was even one time where he started to pack his things, but stopped because it would have been too late to disturb his mother.

 

So, I guess my question is.. should I go to this concert, and have the talk after? Before? I'm trying to be as sensitive and courteous as possible. I'm worried about how it will go. Will he break down and just completely wreck my heart? (probably) I'm even worried that he will become angry. He has never shown aggression toward me, but who really knows. I feel just awful blind-siding him with this. And then, of course, feelings of doubt as just today he made something that sounded like a promise (Eating healthier and going to the gym once he gets a 5 day work week instead of 6) But the thing is..he has been unhappy and moaning about his 6 day work week for the whole relationship. I'm skeptical that he will make the change now. Even if he did make a change (and losing some weight, which has been a factor in our lack of sex life and my attraction toward him) that still wouldn't change his jealous tendencies. Or his tendency to suddenly snap. (He once slammed his plate down and got angry because I looked over his shoulder at what he was eating) Or the fact that he doesn't engage in conversation and sticks his nose in his phone constantly (though he will accuse me of doing the same but I can't exactly have a one sided convo and I'm not gonna stare at the wall).

[melancholy123]

It sounds to me like you are postponing the inevitable, which is not a healthy way to live your life. I think you should talk to him asap, when neither of you has to get up for work the next day. Be honest, dont dance around the issues. You will feel better once you let this all out.

 

Also, dont go to the concert, he should take a friend who'd like to go.

[quark]

Forgot to mention that the tickets are part of 4: Him, ___, his cousin, and his wife. And it's far enough away where there were plans to stay over in a hotel room with 2 double beds.

[quark]

Forgot to mention that the tickets are part of 4: Him, ___, his cousin, and his wife. And it's far enough away where there were plans to stay over in a hotel room with 2 double beds.

 

He is bound to ask if there is someone else. Should I tell him I've developed a crush on someone or no? First of all, no way of telling if this person likes me back. Secondly, I don't plan on really doing anything with it. Do I owe him the truth in that respect? There's a good chance he will show up at my job like a psycho with this new information.

[reinventmyself]

Well, technically there is no one else. I suppose you could tell him you have a crush on someone. But it may be for nothing.

 

In any event, there is never a good time. You just have to rip the band aid off.

 

If I were him, I would want to know. I would hate the thought that someone stuck around just because they

were too afraid to tell me. He deserves the truth.

[DanZee]

I see you've been posting the same question over the last couple of days. You know what the answer. You've got to break up with him, especially when you started talking about having fights and arguments. You don't deserve that. I can understand an argument over important issues, but your fights were probably about minor stuff and you shouldn't be fighting about minor things. And I doubt the bad sex will get any better. You know what you gotta do.