Steve141082 Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 So me and my Wife broke up just over 2 months ago, she walked out after what had been quite a tough and stressful period for us both. We were together 10 years, married 6. She has made it clear that she won't come back and after I spoke to her 3 weeks ago she has said the next steps for her are divorce and she is looking for a new job in a different area quite far away from where she is living now. The problems in the relationship started about 3 years ago when my Mum passed away, I couldn't handle the bereavement and started taking cocaine on a regular basis. This led to my depression getting worse and me pushing my Wife away. She eventually walked out 2 years ago while I was still in the mourning stage. We eventually reconciled 6 weeks later but not until I found out she had a 1 night stand with her best friends brother 3 days after she walked out. I managed to put it behind me and forgive her, I had a couple of EAs really early in the relationship and she forgave me for them and we eventually married. The problem again though was around 6 months ago. I started to take drugs again on a weekend basis after my 11yr old Sons mother (from previous relationship) stopped access to him after an argument. It was really stressful for the both of us, my Wife had a great bond with my Son and was a great Stepmum to him. She begged me to get off the drugs, but something always magnetized me to them, even though she took them too. We had been trying for a baby for 7 years and she had fertility issues. She had an operation to help these fertility issues and I was the only person to go and visit her during her 3 days in hospital. I think the final straw for her was me continuing to take drugs when she came home from hospital as we both said we were going to get fit and have a real go at trying for a baby. The night she walked out she told me that she had been chatting to other guys sexually online. I blew my top. Told her to leave. A few days later she came with her Dad to pick the rest of her things up and told me she lied about chatting to other guys, she just said it to hurt me and make it easier to walk away. It's been really difficult for me these last couple of months. Me and my Wife called each other soulmates and best friends. We were each other's rocks. Now she has cut all contact, blocked me on social media and the only means of communication I have now is via email. She still wants to see my Son when I resume contact (which is currently in progress via court proceedings), I'm just still finding it hard to let go. Anyway tonight I have been on a date with a girl that I have known for quite a long time (she was my sister's best friend). 1 thing led to another and we slept together. I went to the bathroom afterwards and felt so bad towards my Wife, I don't know why. It just felt wrong and now I believe I have broken my marriage vows even though we are separated, I started shedding tears, I eventually made excuses later and told the New girl that I had to have an early night just so she would leave. What the hell is wrong with me. Ps. I am sorting out my drug problems via counselling. 6 weeks clean now, lost 42lbs in weight and feeling really good about myself again and also start bereavement counselling soon (which I am dreading). Link to comment
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