When she says your her everything then leaves 2 days later

[Ben9394]

Hi, im 23 years old and i am going through a really tough breakup, its not my first but i would 100% say that i thought she was the one. We dated for 7 months she was 21, in that time we had spoke about a future together, we discussed moving in, having children which she was very up for, and ide even gone through marriage in my head. In a couple of months we would of been going to her sisters wedding and i was going to ask her mothers consent then.

Anyway, everything was going great or so i was lead to beleive, she meant everything to me but she was a very independant person and liked her own space, which i respected and learnt to love her for it, i did everything i could for her, helped her in every way possible bent over backwards for her and in hindsight she never really did that much for me in return. But she said all the right things to make me think yeah theres a future with this girl. It was only a week before she left me we were sat outside a pub talking about everything and i gave her the ultimatum (after a rough few weeks including a quite serious argument) "do you see a future with me?" To which she looked me in the eye and said yes i do see a future with you. And i since learned she was already considering leaving me at this point. I put the argument behind me, she promised it wouldnt be awkward but she just did make it awkward, hardly spoke to me, never saw me, she went out 2 nights before breaking up with me and i picked her up from town at 3am we went back to mine slept together and she lay there cuddles me (which she never did) and said i miss you. And i beleived her.

2 days later she didnt text me all day, i was off work ill and i messaged her something nice just like hope you are having a good day i love you. She never replied untill about 7 that evening whwn she said im coming over we need to talk. She came over, said she wasnt happy and that things wernt working for her, she said she should want to spend all her free time with me and see me in the week but she just doesnt. I was absolutely devistated, i was in shock and had nothing to say. I removed her off all social media, she blocked my number but i contacted her on facebook a week later saying can i talk i have some questions it was out of the blue you said i did nothing wrong i need some closure. She said no ive said all i needed to say i dont see how talking will help, i said ive not said anythjng it will help me. No. She blocked me. I was so confused i did so much for her i was so good to her and she was just treating me like garbage like it was my fault.

Another week passed and i started to feel abit better my family convinced me to go into town for a drink. We walk into the pub and she was sat there. Spoke to my sister when i went to the toilet but not my parents, she knew i was there she saw me a couple of times. Just before we left i thought ive got to speak to her. Had the balls to go up to her infront of her friends and say look can i talk to you for 5 minutes and just clear the air, i said im not trying to win you back i dont want you back but she wouldnt no matter what i said. She started crying saying shes had no one whilst going through this turning it all around to make herself look like the victim in all of this. She said she would eventually talk to me but not now we had a big argument i called her a liar and went. All i could think was.. after all i did for this girl and for her to say i did nothing wrong but could not take 5 minutes outside to clear things and be adults about the situation it really showed me her true colours. This girl i was madly in love with who ide have done anything for, my best friend who i turned to above anyone and she couldnt even talk to me for 5 minutes thats the selfish sort of girl she turned out to be. I am gratefull though as it is closure and the whole time before i was made to feel bad and feel like i had upset her when she broke up with me when now as heartbroken as i feel i know i tried my hardest and she never gave any effort in making this easy. I hope she feels bad for the way she treated me i hope she feels guilty and i hope she feels embarrassed because it should never have ended this way i didnt want to be her friend i just wanted to be civil and move on now theres hate and bitterness.

Has anyone else been just cut off and expected to just deal with it with no contact when 24 hours ago it was all so smooth, this is the worst breakup ive been through and i know its going to affect how i look at future relationships ive really struggled

 

Im sorry for the lengthy post i just need to let it out and for someone to reassure me

[MissCanuck]

I'm sorry you're hurting so much, OP.

 

What was the big argument about prior to the break-up? I realize she said all was fine afterwards, but we need a clearer sense of the tone of your relationship before speculating as to what actually happened.

 

I understand you are searching for answers or an explanation, but I really feel that the pub night was the not the appropriate time or place to push for her to talk to you. I can understand why she didn't want to do so then and there so I don't think it's entirely fair that you deem her selfish for that specific reason. It was not a good idea to confront her then; I would have instead advised you to ask her to speak the following day (for example) and left it at that.

 

At the end of the day, she is only 21. She's very young. A lot of people fantasize about a future with marriage and kids, but at that age, very few are actually ready to settle down and commit to one person forever. She has a lot of growing up yet to do. Also, 7 months is very soon to be making big future plans. Of course it's lovely to imagine what a future would look like together, but it's far better not to take those musings very seriously until you've been together longer and established a more solid relationship.

 

Unfortunately, you cannot force her to talk if she doesn't want to. Yes, this will feel very unfair to you. But if she won't provide more details as to what led to her decision, there's not a lot you can do.

[seanryder]

Hi there. Sorry to hear of your pain.

 

I think from reading your post that you had a case of "nice guy syndrome". You did too much for her....made her your World and your source of happiness. Always tried to please her....collecting her from a night out at 3am!!!

 

Someone doesn't respect another person when they do too much for them, putting their own needs last. It's basically if you can't respect yourself to stand up for what you want and need then how can anyone else respect you.

 

I know this might seem harsh, but for a relationship to work it takes two complete people coming together to make things work, not just one person doing all the running, and trying to be a 'pleaser'.

 

The only thing any of us can do from our experiences like these is to learn from it. The only person you can change is yourself. I'm not attributing blame or anything, just saying think about what you can do so that this sort of thing is less likely to happen in future relationships.

 

Good luck.

[Ben9394]

Thanks that makes alot of sense, she was my source of happiness i just tried to make her happy because her being happy and her smile was infectious was what made me feel great that i made her happy! She was alot more social than me, went out alot more had more free time than me (because of my job) had a big group of friends and i just didnt really like dating, found it awkward and hard work but i found her and thought if she shows interest ill try for her, i wanted to settle down. I dont think her friends would of put her with someone like me. She was a selfish girl and even her parents would say that. I was honest with her and i always told her what i wanted from the relationship but she never really spoke about how she felt about us.

The hardest part is in the start it was absolutely great, i felt like i meant something to her she always wanted to see me, we were together every weekend we could be, and we were just so in love. She took me to dublin for the weekend for my birthday and when we were there she was just so sweet and made me feel so great. 3 months into the relationship i went on a family holiday for 2 weeks (was booked before we got together i really wanted her to come) and it felt like things changed when i was away, the night before we went she was in hospital with really bad stomach pains and i went and stayed with her all night because she wanted me there, when i had to go i felt awful. She would message me when i was on holiday saying i miss you and all that and i just couldnt wait to get home and see her, but when i got back everything felt different, she wasnt excited to see me, she didnt really talk to me and ever since ide feel like i was treading on eggshells with her but i loved her and she would have her moments that made me feel great about us but they werent regular.

Its so hard because she said all the right things that made me think yeah i mean something to her, this is going to go somewhere, and maybe it was because i loved her so much that i put the mood swings just down to how she was and i just moved on and let them go.

I am struggling still, but i know there will be no contact but we live in such a small town and she lives less than a mile away and i see her so often and it just brings all these memories back to me