Ex has married, but has he really moved on?

[PiggiePig]

First to all the married couples out there, please note I am not a home wrecker.

 

My ex and I met in college. I go pregnant and he decided that after graduation, he would decide if he wanted to marry me. Little did I know he start dating another girl at college, she followed him home and they ended up married. They have now been married for over 4 years with two little ones.

 

My ex has never lived in the same state as me and our son. He has never made an effort to be there...until last year. He moved (the entire family) less than 2 hours away from my home town. He has been visiting our son alone for about a year and has invited him to his home for summer vacation.

 

During those visits he has complimented me and invited me to meals with him and our son.

 

I am not over him, but I know I can't be with him...What's the deal?

[Day_Walker]

Well its possible if you arent over him then you could be reading more into the situation than what is there. I wouldnt read too much into it considering you dont know what his intentions are.

[chai714]

Your ex is acting in the best interest of his child by keeping good relations with you. From what it sounds, he's a good man and an even better father. As for you and him . . .done. He's married, has two other children, and while he may compliment you and even be attracted to you, he's acting in the best interest of his child, which is what a real man does.

[RayKay]

I think you are likely reading into the situation more than is actually going on. Having more children probably made him realize he needs to be in YOUR childs life and is doing so the best way he can.

 

Maybe he does think you are attractive, but point is he is not crossing those boundaries and is respecting his vows and is being a father to your child - he is married, has more children and have moved on. He had chance to marry you but did not so I would take that as a "he has moved on", loves his wife and children, respects his marriage and wants to be a father to your child.

 

It to me is a non-issue at this point

[PiggiePig]

Hi, its me again. I was happy to see that the response was the same from all and I felt guilty about my "hopeful wishing". But I'm not feeling guilty anymore. My ex and son had their weekly Tuesday night phone call last night. Before the end of their conversation, my son came into my room with the phone. My ex asked me how I was feeling and what was new and shockingly shared with me that he still had feelings for me. I didn't respond, I just listened to him tell me (after several years) that he regret not marrying me and thought he had lost me once I moved home, but he never stopped loving me. He's picking up our son this weekend and asked if I wanted to spend time with both of them this weekend so we can talk face to face. So now what do I do, because I never stopped loving him?

[RayKay]

I think I would stick to the "he's married, so hands off" approach. Don't lead him on, if he wants to talk let him but be very very careful about giving into your feelings. Let him know if you must that you sometimes wonder if things could of been different, but also state that the situation plainly means it isn't. Don't get yourself involved in more heartbreak (as a mistress or whatever).

 

I know its tough, since you do love him, he is the father of your child but I cannot stress enough do not interfere in another persons marriage. It is his responsibility to take care of that marriage (or if he needs to, get out of it not that I advocate that) before getting involved elsewhere.

 

Be mature adults about it - as in don't put yourself in a situation that will destroy other peoples lives (his current wife and other children).

[PiggiePig]

Well, for those of you who were wondering what happened this weekend...My ex surprised me with the annoucement that he is moving to my hometown. I waited to hear if he was moving the entire family, or if he was "leaving" his family. Maybe, I am a punk and want him to leave and come back to me, but I was too scared to ask. My response was "well, I guess if that's what you want to do..." How pathetic is that. That was the whole conversation for us, the rest of the time I made sure that I was unavaliable-jogging, meeting friends for lunch and movies- I made plans to be unavaliable. So I still don't know his true intentions.