Should I forgive?

[Amasa]

So my best friends husband died of cancer almost two years ago now. Right after he died we used to stay up nights and talk about it. The only way I really knew how to relate to her loss was with the loss of my boyfriend from a few years back, which was excruciating to me. So I would say things like I wrote my ex letters (that I never sent) just so I could get out all the things I wanted to say, and she could write her husband so that she would feel better.

 

Anyway so a year later after her husbands death, my ex comes back into my life. He and I start getting closer, and I felt really bad because it was like we had both lost someone and kinda related to each other in that way, but now my ex was in essense back from the dead.

 

So I tried to talk to her about to make sure that this wasn't hurting her. Which of course she said it didn't. But she started doing all these mean things. Very passive aggressive, and everytime I asked her what the problem was she denied that she was upset at all.

 

We were living pretty close to each other, but I decided to move to live closer to the ex I was getting back together with. She got really ugly then and we got into several big arguments. She tried to make me feel really guilty for moving, and did some really mean things. So I ended the friendship.

 

It is now two months to the two year anniversary of her husbands death, which also falls on her b-day.

 

Should I forgive her and try and repair the friendship?

[Krystyl]

You friend is jealous, possesive, and hurt by you. You were her rock and now you are leaving. She is lashing out because she is hurt. Her man is never coming back...and yours is back. Has she any other friends? Has she tried to meet other men? It sounds like she really relied on you for a lot. I think it would be nice to extend your friendship to her again. Maybe she will have calmed down and can be rational. On the other hand...you may be setting yourself up for more abuse. Who knows? You take your chances. If the friendship was important enough that you want her in your life...then go for it. But if you want to try to reach out to her just to be nice and you feel bad....then maybe you should just let it go.

[Amasa]

I haven't talked to her in a few months, I thought that if I gave her some time she would realize what was happening between us.

 

Before when I would talk to her about it, she would just turn it around on me. I was the one making too big of a deal out of nothing. I was crazy, for even thinking she was upset. She wouldn't even take partial responsibility for the things that were happening.

 

We've been good friends for ten years, and i really feel bad for having to abandon her in her time of need. And I feel worse knowing that the anniversary is coming and I won't be there for her/

[Krystyl]

I understand it being a sad time for her..being the anniversary and all....but has she not even begun to move forward after 2 years? Doesn't she have other friends, interests, and date? I mean....after two years.....and as young as she is(I am assuming you are close to the same age) she would have made some steps in regaining her life.

 

And I understand how bad you feel for her. Maybe you should just give her a call....let her know you are thinking about her. I'm sure she will appreciate it......unless she still has bitter feelings.....but you are not going to know unless you call. Good luck to both of you.

[Amasa]

She has begun to move forward. When I first started talking to my ex again she got on a mad dash to find a new man. Needless to say it didn't work out.

 

She has a 3 y/o daughter and that makes it a little harder for her, but she does have other friends, and interest. If I thought for a second she would be all alone I would have NEVER cut off the friendship.

She has gone through so much including watching her husband die, and it wasn't a fast death. He was sick for almost two years before he died. Maybe I should have been more understanding of her situation at the time and not ended the friendship. Does anybody think she has a reason to hold a grudge against me now?

[HeavenLee]

I think you should try to re-establish the friendship. She may not have treated you in the right way, but I'm sure it was because she was hurting and did not know how to control it. I can't imagine her devastation, and she may have even been a bit jealous and was lashing out because it didn't seem fair for her to have suffered. Although it doesn't justify how she reacted, until one has been in her position, it's hard to say that one wouldn't do the same thing.

 

I would hope that she doesn't hold a grudge. Even if she does, at least then you will know that you tried and gave the friendship a go, and that you tried your best to be there for her. I would talk to her about your reasons for cutting off the friendship. Let her know that it's not because you don't love her, it's just because you were hurt by the way she was treating you and you thought that perhaps it was best because it seemed to be hurting the both of you. Tell her you care for her very much and would just like to connect with her again in some way, for both of your benefits.

 

I'm sure she will appreciate it. You can never have too many friends.

[jaiva]

In every relationship there are disagreements, arguments and even sometimes fights, but what strengthens the relationship is when the people are able to reconcile their differences and forgive each other. It is your decision on whether you want to forgive her but how can someone forgive you, if you can't forgive others?

 

Hope I helped!

 

Jaiva