Anyone that as a Dumper after a LTR (3+ years) had their feelings revived?

[The EXorcist]

Hello everyone,

 

I have a question to make

 

Anyone that as a Dumper after a Long Term Relationship (3+ years) had their feelings revived and thought about reconciling? what were you thinking, how long did it take, and what how was the dumpee acting?

 

In a lot of cases I have read that the Dumper might begin missing the Dumpee later on (after months) after a honeymoon period that the Dumper is happy with his new found freedom and the potentiality that this freedom brings.

 

In a sense I have also as a Dumpee gone through that. During the first months I was devastated, but arround the 4-5 months I was happy, excited I felt free to do things that I couldn't do while in a relationship, and suddenly one day (Arround the Month 6) it all came back full throttle. The residual feelings that were dormant under that impression of freedom during these months, resurfaced and I miss my ex girlfriend as hell..

 

I am wondering if this is what Dumpers are experiencing (I have read about it in many blogs, and forums like this one) and how ofter they experience this.

[DancingFool]

Honestly, I have never experienced it because the decision to end a long term relationship is a very long, difficult, and well thought out process. It's not something I've ever done lightly because the grass is greener or whatever. Things ended because there were serious problems, issues or long running incompatibilities and conflicts that could not be resolved despite trying hard. In other words, by the time I walk away, I've truly had it and I'm completely done. The deal is colder than last year's ashes.

[dennisyamaha]

I'm currently in a similar situation. Ended things with my ex of 4 years to focus on my own life for a while, and there were mounting pressures on our relationship. Now 6 months later I can't help but remember how great we were together. I'm currently trying to reconcile with her and to give things another shot. Luckily we've remained on talking-terms and the breakup wasn't based on a big fight or anything. Sometimes people just need time and space to figure out how they feel. You have to take those positive feelings you mentioned (around 4-5 months in) and bring those back into the relationship to hopefully bring it to another, higher level. In my opinion, if you're feeling like this, maybe you one day would regret not trying to reconcile with her? Hope some of this might help!

[MissCanuck]

Honestly, I have never experienced it because the decision to end a long term relationship is a very long, difficult, and well thought out process. It's not something I've ever done lightly because the grass is greener or whatever. Things ended because there were serious problems, issues or long running incompatibilities and conflicts that could not be resolved despite trying hard. In other words, by the time I walk away, I've truly had it and I'm completely done. The deal is colder than last year's ashes.

 

Well-said, and that's been my experience as a dumper too.

 

I think it very much depends on why the dumper left, and if they did so impulsively or after thinking seriously about it for a while. If it's the latter, they're not likely to see their feelings return.

[boltnrun]

My ex tried to get me back after I left him.

 

The answer was no way, no how. He treated me dismissively so why would I go back for seconds??

 

The ONE time I did give an ex a second chance he was even worse the second time around.

 

Lesson learned.

 

That's not to say it could never happen. But for me, nope. Big time nope.