Friends with an ex?

[miachandler]

So I ask my ex to hang out as friends but he told me he has something planned that day so I said we should try another time and told him I miss hanging out with him. He said he has plenty of time to meet and I just have to tell him when I'm available. I told him I'm free most of the time also.

 

We haven't been together for almost three months but we kept contact on social media. At this point I don't know if he's just being nice or he really wants to meet sometime.

 

But I guess since I took the initiative to ask him out this time maybe the best thing is to wait for him to invite me in return? If he doesn't I'll just assume he doesn't want to be with me and forget about it. I really don't want to sound too clingy or desperate to hang out, I just want to spend some time together without any expectations.

 

What do you think about it?

[Starlight925]

Can you say with absolute certainty that you have no desire or even the slightest hope for reconciliation? Or does he?

 

Exes can be great friends, but they both have to clearly not want a rekindling of any sort.

[miachandler]

Can you say with absolute certainty that you have no desire or even the slightest hope for reconciliation? Or does he?

 

Exes can be great friends, but they both have to clearly not want a rekindling of any sort.

 

I'm almost sure he doesn't want to be more than friends. As for me I wished for a reconciliation for some time but right know I think I'm not ready for a romantic relationship and prefer to keep the friendship but I can't guarantee that my feelings won't pop up again, that's a fact

[HeartGoesOn]

It won't work out as "friends" if your intentions are to win him back. I would opt to move on with my life.

 

JMO...

[Starlight925]

I'm almost sure he doesn't want to be more than friends. As for me I wished for a reconciliation for some time but right know I think I'm not ready for a romantic relationship and prefer to keep the friendship but I can't guarantee that my feelings won't pop up again, that's a fact

 

Then you just answered my question.

 

You're pretty sure he doesn't want you back, but you might want him back. So, if you begin to hang out, your feelings are likely to resurface, thus causing you possibly more pain than the original breakup.

 

One more question: Say he says sure, let's hang out. So you start to do things....movies, bike rides, dinners, etc. Then, one day, about a month from now, he says to you, as a friend, that he'd like your advice. He met this new girl, and he thinks she's really hot, and he wants advice as to how to approach her?

 

How do you feel then?

[DancingFool]

I'm almost sure he doesn't want to be more than friends. As for me I wished for a reconciliation for some time but right know I think I'm not ready for a romantic relationship and prefer to keep the friendship but I can't guarantee that my feelings won't pop up again, that's a fact

 

How will you feel when he starts smiling and glowing because some new girl he is interested in just texted him while you two are hanging out as just friends? Unless you can genuinely say that you will be totally thrilled for him and supportive, then you can't be just friends and should actually keep away. Feeling lonely after a break up is normal and it also sucks, but wasting that time on an ex is about the worst thing you can do to yourself. Make yourself go out and meet new people, pick up some hobbies, etc. Do something to fill that void that doesn't involve the ex.

[Scoe141]

It sounds like you're hoping it works out with him. In that case, it's inevitable that someone will get hurt.

 

I'd just move on. There's a reason why you two broke up, and if reconciliation isn't in the cards, you're only prolonging the healing process.

[miachandler]

Then you just answered my question.

 

You're pretty sure he doesn't want you back, but you might want him back. So, if you begin to hang out, your feelings are likely to resurface, thus causing you possibly more pain than the original breakup.

 

One more question: Say he says sure, let's hang out. So you start to do things....movies, bike rides, dinners, etc. Then, one day, about a month from now, he says to you, as a friend, that he'd like your advice. He met this new girl, and he thinks she's really hot, and he wants advice as to how to approach her?

 

How do you feel then?

 

Yes, I'm pretty sure because I don't want to have expectations on "more than friends" but I don't know if he's feelings won't pop out again too I just don't want to think that way. But you're right if my feelings do resurface and this causes me pain again it's a really bad ideia to hang out…

 

I don't know if we start hanging out as friends I guess I should feel happy for him moving on and finding love again, but I see your point and agree with it

[miachandler]

Then you just answered my question.

 

You're pretty sure he doesn't want you back, but you might want him back. So, if you begin to hang out, your feelings are likely to resurface, thus causing you possibly more pain than the original breakup.

 

One more question: Say he says sure, let's hang out. So you start to do things....movies, bike rides, dinners, etc. Then, one day, about a month from now, he says to you, as a friend, that he'd like your advice. He met this new girl, and he thinks she's really hot, and he wants advice as to how to approach her?

 

How do you feel then?

 

I would feel really bad if I still had feelings, at this point I'm not really sure if I have or not, if I didn't I'd just be happy with him finding someone new

[miachandler]

How will you feel when he starts smiling and glowing because some new girl he is interested in just texted him while you two are hanging out as just friends? Unless you can genuinely say that you will be totally thrilled for him and supportive, then you can't be just friends and should actually keep away. Feeling lonely after a break up is normal and it also sucks, but wasting that time on an ex is about the worst thing you can do to yourself. Make yourself go out and meet new people, pick up some hobbies, etc. Do something to fill that void that doesn't involve the ex.

 

That's a good point, maybe I'm really just feeling the void… but since we broke up I kind of didn't feel like my self and talking with him and hanging out makes me happy in a way I don't understand completely. It's weird, I have other friends and I usually hang out and do lot's of stuff with them, but it just isn't the same thing as I felt with him

[miachandler]

It sounds like you're hoping it works out with him. In that case, it's inevitable that someone will get hurt.

 

I'd just move on. There's a reason why you two broke up, and if reconciliation isn't in the cards, you're only prolonging the healing process.

 

Maybe you're right… I don't know really but I know if someone gets hurt it would likely be me… He was the one that dumped me, he was having some problems at the time, maybe they were just excuses... but I said we wanted to stay friends and talked from time to time. But I agree with you, maybe I'm just prolonging the healing process that I've been so resistant to take

[DancingFool]

That's a good point, maybe I'm really just feeling the void… but since we broke up I kind of didn't feel like my self and talking with him and hanging out makes me happy in a way I don't understand completely. It's weird, I have other friends and I usually hang out and do lot's of stuff with them, but it just isn't the same thing as I felt with him

 

Of course you miss that particular person and what you had with them. That's why breakups are so miserable. However, only way to happiness is to forge ahead without them until one day you wake up and realize you are actually happy again.

[kamurj]

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