I can't seem to get away

[Jetta]

Okay my life is in an upheaval, and my husband is laying on the sweetness which makes it that much harder to leave. I know I need to divorce, I want to divorce, but I need to be able to support myself and children. I feel like I'm in some kind of holding pattern and it's really frustrating me.

 

I've nearly finished filling out the paperwork, a few details are still needed, but I'll get it done. I'm breaking out all over because I'm so stressed, mainly because he's acting like all is well and it's like living in a twillight zone.

 

I've been trying to find a job, and I recently got licensed in real estate so it's like the kiss of death to potential employers. Yeah the actual real estate career is pushing me out of my comfort zone a little too much so I'm seeking alternate employment. My former career sucked royally and I really don't want to go back there. So on top of divorce I'm trying to break into a new field. Yeah stress.

 

I so need a break and I'm honestly scared of single parenthood. I can barely handle life now, and alone is just scaring the crap out of me.

[sisterlynch]

You didn't really say a good reason why you are leaving this guy who cares for you and is the father of the kids. Be specific. You shouldn't leave just for a break, try and make things work for you on different levels. Do you feel that you need for the marriage to fail in order to be successful?

[Jetta]

My husband is the father of 1 of my children. He physically abused my other child, who I've voluntary placed in foster care because I couldn't deal with the constant commotion. I'm finally living in peace and I love it, but I still have to deal with the fact my son will come home and he and my husband don't get along. We're all in therapy but I really don't think any amount of therapy will make them compatible.

 

My son is why I fear single parenthood. He's ADHD, ODD, and possible mood (anger) disorder. He's also very loving, happy, and outgoing. But it's like living with a jeckle and hyde. Everyone loves his good side but the bad is really bad. He's improving since being placed in fostercare so that's good, he's been there for almost 2 months. However the foster parents want me to take him longer so they can get a break. I usually see him about 3 times a week for visits, which my husband really doesn't participate in and sometimes attempts to deter.

 

I was actually laughing because I really can't believe this is how my life turned out. It's like some kind of cosmic joke.

[sisterlynch]

You have one child with him and one from before you met him.

 

You are tired of your husband, is that it? Kind of over him, so to speak?

 

What do you really want in life? Picture yourself, really happy...how would that look?

 

This is probably a tired topic, but is the ADD child being medicated?

[Jetta]

I was never really "into" my husband. He's always been into me, and I was leaving an abusive marriage when I met him. He was the safe guy who offered comfort and support when I needed it. He even offered to babysit so I could have time for myself and friends.

 

Yes my son is on medication which is constantly changing and being tweaked.

[Shadows Light]

I know how you feel about "the twi-light zone" syndrome. Been living it myself for the past 8 months. My life seems un-real. And as it should be.. its a great change. Change is a hard concept for even the best of us to accept. Divorce is not easy on either side of fhe fence... dumper vs dumpee.

 

You're not "into" your husband. I think the first sentence I read was is that he physically abused your son. Is this a problem? Does your husband have anger issues? What is the real reason you want to leave?

 

You are also leaving jobs at the same time. Careers. And that your son who is a problem child will be coming home soon. WOW... yes, I'd say you were sawing off a lot of limbs off at the sme time.

 

You can not escape your problems. That's for sure. They will follow you.

You get out of the marriage if the MARRIAGE is the problem. You are all in counseling.... have you talked to your counselor by yourself??? Talk to them about the changes and anxieties you are feeling.

 

At least it will give you some perspective and/or control and give you the

reassurances you need. Sometimes writing down all of it down in JOURNAL form helps. It helps to sort out the data. Whats the data? WHy do you want to leave husband. And then pro's and cons of leaving.

 

Then walk away from your journal..and come back to it in a week, when you are calm and rational... to see if you feel the same way or if something has changed.

 

But yes... the process of DIVORCE is overwhelming and its like living in a "twi-light zone"... seems unreal.

 

I also.. look at my situation and think...OMG... how did this happen. When did it get this bad... my life has turned into the Jerry Springer show.

LOL. Who would have thought.

 

If you ever want to PM me to talk. You are welcome to.

[sisterlynch]

Shadows light makes a lot of good points, have you been able to get over the first marriage? Maybe some of those problems are kind of still present in this marriage.

[brando]

Having just gone through a divorce, (Im the dumpee), i can tell you it was difficult. Especially before i started realizing my personal deons cackling away at my every thought. It was then i realized i had to start making changes within myself. These changes arent overnight processes, or cured simply by going to a therapist, it is a constant awareness, and promising myself i wont make the same mistakes again.

 

Jetta the fear and uncertainty is normal. It is a traumatic effect your on a persons life. Maybe if you accept that it will be difficult for some time, and it is all the events from the divorcing process, it will ease your mind a little.

 

Im not trying to deter you, you know deep in your heart what the right thing to do is. Do as suggested by your fellow posters. Be gentle with yourself, you are handling it the only way you know how, and that is the best you can do, there is nothing wrong with that.

 

Hope this helps a little.

 

Be well.

[Jetta]

Really I don't feel like I have a good reason to leave, which is partially why we're married in the first place. I couldn't come up with a good enough reason to break up with him. I did break up with him once and ended up going because because of outside pressures. The fact is my feelings towards him are basically neutral. He annoys me but I don't hate him.

[sisterlynch]

There are plenty of marriages that last for years on what you are saying. Not ever person has the perfect marriage. We all work on it every day. If we don't, then the love and friendship go away.

 

Isn't your counselor helping you with any of this?

[Jetta]

No she's not. She hasn't said anything except don't make any rash decisions, but then I have the social workers say I need to decide soon so that they can determine what programs to put in place. This afternoon my husband said that he won't contest a divorce if that's really what I want. We're going to talk more tonight and likely complete the paperwork.

 

I've been contacted about a job in a different state (not sure about that one), but I'm sumbitting my resume for one locally that was referred to me so I'll have something soon.

[sisterlynch]

I wish you the best of luck.

[Jetta]

Ha he stood me up. Well I'm not exactly sure what he's trying to prove, but this has just reminded me how unreliable he is and that I will need to use an attorney rather than do it ourself. Guess I'll be pulling out my credit card. I've paid it off before so I'm not worried about it, I just hate doing it.

 

Just had to get that vent out. LOL